#1 rule. If DH is not there, neither is his kid.

Don't you have some hideous chore at home that he now owes you? Like weeding by hand the entire back yard?

Yep... sounds like you've set yourself up. There is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER a time that DH's kids are near me that he isn't. I'm not their babysitter. I'd rather be having cocktails.

My DH and his horsefaced EW took advantage of me for YEARS! I had them HUNDREDS of days extra while she was off spening her alimony on vacation after vacation, parties and finding a new idiot to marry her.

in almost 10 years I have never had NOT ONE single extra day off. EVER!

The resentment I have for being used and taken advantage of almost ruined our marriage. I was thhhhiiiiiissss close to leaving this summer. I went to a marriage counselor and it helped a lot. He was able to tell my DH to set boundaries. I still don't love him like I used to and the resentment killed my desire for him.

I hope you can get a MC too and your DH can learn to say no to BM and set boundaries before your anger and resentment kills your marriage.

I agree with the other ladies. Tell him NO! It's your time off and you are no a baby sitter or a damn handmaiden.

You have every righ to feel the way you do and I totally agree with you, if you are expected to keep ss then you have a say so in when he should or should not come. You have to talk to DH and expalin that you would like to have some Monday's to yourself and you won't be able to keep ss EVERY Monday...also you should let him know if he plans to have SS whn he won't be round he will need to get a babysitter or ask you in advance in case you have other things you need to do. I have felt this way myself and I just told DH, SS come here to see and spend time with you nor me. Being a Smom is so hard and at times just down right aweful, you begin to feel used. You cook, hel pwith homework, watch them, buy them things, go to events, wash clothes, deal with thier bitch of a BM and you can't even get as much as a thank you or a Happy Mothers Day! trust me I know how you feel but YOU will be the only person hurt if you don't speak up. DH will think you are okay with being with SS and it is perfectly okay for him to continue to sign up for time with SS for you to watch him.

If you can't say no, then disengage for your own sanity.

DISENGAGING (from the book Stepmonster)

To disengage--to simply try less or stop trying at all--requires accepting a number of truths about being married to a man with children.

*They are not your children.

*You are not responsible for overcoming their upbringing or any emotional or social problems they have.

* You are not responsible for what kind of people they are. You are not responsible for what kind of people they become.

*These responsibilities belong to your husband, who will likely not raise his kids (or make interventions with his adult kids) the way you would.

Having accepted this reality, you then make a promise to yourself: I will never give them the opportunity to treat me disrespectfully again.

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Reviews on Stepmonster.

Couldn't have said it better myself

I find this review hit the nail on the head.

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"Stepmothers don't get permission to feel anything less than never-ending love and understanding toward their step-kids. Yet those very step-kids are almost expected to dislike and reject their stepmothers, and understood if they do. All the while our husbands and the rest of society expect the adult (us, even if the children are also adults) to take the high road in the face of the steady pain that is inflicted upon us. Our step children are never expected to love us like they love their mothers (or even like us) but we stepmothers are not offered any clemency if we do not love our step children like we would (or do) love our own, and God forbid we don't even like them. Why?!?! If it weren't for the fact that I am the older of the 2 of us I would never be expected to accept such an injustice or demonstrate such pure sacrifice. Absurd! But there is no doubt that this is our reality.

Wednesday also touches on the fact that our husbands contribute to our pain as much and sometimes more than the kids themselves; either by excusing or defending his child's actions, disregarding our feelings, not acknowledging our hurt, blaming us for not possessing the ability to bond or for not trying hard enough, regularly placing their children's needs before ours, or taking their side in a disagreement. This makes for a lonely, sad and unfulfilling marriage at the very least. But more likely adds to that, anger, regret, resentment, hopelessness & misery that you may have otherwise never had to experience if you had married a man who loved you first and foremost."

Plan things for yourself for the days/nights that you would be alone with SS so you are unavailable, then DH will have to step up to the mark and sort other arrangements.

I deal/dealt with this myself. Tired of me and my potential plans being ignored and feeling like I didn't matter and that MY time came in at a very distant third (or fourth ) in my marriage. I started making plans and informing dh he would either have to take time off or find a sitter and HE would be responsible for all aspects of it or SHE would have to figure something out. Yes, occasionally I would be flexible and say I would watch SS, but I would hear the whole time how I could take him (SS) to a sitter so I could go to work. (Awesome to hear from a 7 year old when you're spending your one day off after working 40+ hours and can't do anything because you're on entertainment duty) not happening again! I'm responsible for maintenance on my children, our child, our bills, his schedule, my schedule, no way in hell am I being responsible for his child too. He can stay home or figure something out. Tired of hearing "I'm not doing it to help her, it's about him". Here's the thing, I'm not a built in sitter. Especially to a child who doesn't want me around. He's not old enough or responsible enough to be alone, but don't tell me this is what you and BM have decided that I am doing.

not speaking up or taking up for yourself is what leads to resentment. resentment is the #1 killer of marriages. speak up.