Wowo you're one of the good guys. If you weren't someone I think is going to make a difference in these kids life I'd stand on my desk and scream RUN WOWO RUN LIKE THE WIND!

But you're a good one. Encourage her to get a court order that spells out visitation and child support that is paid through his employer.

Then put on your tough guy helmet because it'll be rough sometimes, but worth it when the little guys grab your hand at tiger cub night.

I am sorry to hear about this, but in all honesty it will probably get worse A LOT WORSE before it gets better. I have been at this for over 2 years and very little progress has been made. Your GF's ex isn't going anywhere and the only thing that is going to make it better is for your GF to back you up. First thing is to get a custody agreement set and STICK TO IT! It took my DH forever to finally go through mediation and sign the custody agreement, but it was only in place for about 3 weeks before he and ET (just a little pet name for my BM)started to modify it. As hard as it may be, make sure that there are no exceptions and make sure that your GF's ex knows that you two aren't going to bail him out of anything if he won't abide to the agreement. If you give an inch, BELIEVE ME it will only be a week before he takes a mile. As for the things that GF's ex says about you and all his crazy behavior, that will probably never go away. I know it sucks to hear but this is a difficult situation and sugar coating it isn't going to help. Best of luck and please keep me posted

One more thing, you should really think about what you want before going forward. It may be difficult, but you should think about what could happen in the long run. My relationship w DH moved very quickly and I didn't get to see the full extent of ET's craziness until it was too late; but in all honesty, if I knew all of this from the get-go, DH and I probably wouldn't be married right now. It's sad to think that and I love him so much I can't imagine my life w out him, but I feel like these last 2 years have been so crazy, sometimes I don't know if it is all worth it. So much drama, so much stress, too many fights and waaaay too many people involved in our relationship! Just think about it.

man you need too get the hell away from this situation,its only been six months you still got the whole inlove thing going on ,what are you going too do when that wears off and this shit is still going on,and then the kids start acting out toward you because thats what daddy says to do,there already calling you dumb ,your girl is weak too let this keep happening,trust me if i knew now what i was getting myself into 5 years ago i would have never done it,dont get me wrong i love my girl but shes weak also,and i kept hopeing she would get better but she just stays the same,but the longer your with them the harder it is too leave ,and the guilt is terrible,but you still have time so runnnnnnnn please,sorry just being honest,,,

This is bio mom.

Since we weren't married, lawyer looked at me like I was nuts for wanting a custody order, said I could just sue for cs. Since xbf doesn't have a job, and hasn't for over two years, not sure what the point would be.

My problem is, if xbf isn't being a jerk, why do I need to pick a fight? He's really good with the boys, cares about what happens with them. He's been relatively sane recently, and offered to come clean the house, where the boys live, in lieu of cs that he can't pay without a job. So, I let him come over after warning him I would have him thrown out if he got out of line. He played with the boys and cleaned, didn't really talk to me at all, but I was there and nothing dumb happened.

New bf, wowoklol, became so angry about this that he packed his stuff and said I was inconsiderate. I thought he would appreciate a clean house, and the boys do like to see their dad.

Yes, things were nasty when xbf and I were together, but I never thought that meant we had to be on opposite sides with legal referees when it came to our interactions and the boys. Apparently, this is wrong, I get that, and he can run if he finds it necessary. But I think this can be worked out to be drama-free.

Now c'mom-be serious-did you really think your boyfriend would appreciate your ex coming to your home and cleaning it-while you and the boys were there (sort of like a family)? Personally (and bm has never threatened to burn my house down)I would rather live in filth than have my bm come over and clean my house. I would not want her touching my things or invading my personal space in that manner.

It sounds as if there is still some sort of attachment with your ex. If what your bf has said is true (calling cps on you, changing plans last minute, theatening, calling names)then it is quite apparent that NO, you cannot work things out drama free. It is not drama free now-a court order for visits and cs ideally would help eliminate drama by having agreed on schedules, financial contributions, etc. It would eliminate may of the above mentioned problems including the two of you feeling like it is a good idea for him to come over and clean your house.

Considering we were never married, he would have to file for shared custody.

I can file for child support so that he can not pay it, but I can do it.

I don't hate him. He's calmed down a bit, and I would rather just work out a schedule between us for visitation and move on from there. If he has a question, ask it. But the emotional abuse is something I finally can just AVOID, so if he starts something stupid, I can just ignore it.

There is no attachment. But I don't hate him. So why pick fights just to pick them? Yeah, I can have him not come back over. But he wanted to do SOMETHING, since he has no money. Indentured servitude didn't seem like that bad of an idea.

Sorry, double post.

I really do understand the problem with xbf being around me, but I don't know why it HAS to be a legal fight at this point. That's all.

Not necessarily a legal fight. Just a court order outlining visitation for both parents, that way there is no gray area as to when each parents have the kids. It doesn't have to be a fight, it can be done amicably. Things might be just fine now, but noone knows what the future holds. It would be in the best interest for all parties involved-especially the kids-if everything was worked out legally so that there would be no question concerning visitation, cs, etc.

When I went to a lawyer about doing that, I was treated like I was insane. The only option really offered was get a restraining order and sue for child support, because until he files, you get full custody. So I've looked into it, really I have.

Information on suing for child support and what documents they would need to do so. Nothing more.

I'm pretty sure that you can have a visitation schedule added to the CO dealing with CS.

My H was never married to BM and when I met him, all that had been done was the CS figured. No visitation schedule at all. It was totally on her whim which she would change from the time we left until we got to her house an hour later. Finally, I put my foot down and said he had to get something in writing about when he is supposed to get to see his children.

Now, as mentioned above, this does NOT have to be a court battle. Both parties can sit down and figure it out amongst themselves and have a judge sign off on it. It is like some people are able to walk into court with a divorce agreement already in hand and just need the judge to sign off.

I don't think OP should run, heck he sounds like a great guy, says he loves BM and Skids, just can't deal with Bio Dad's drama. I just think that OP and BM need to set some boundaries with Bio Dad,

Dear Bio Dad:

Please limit texting/phone calls to strictly emergency or things of importance with skids. (no calling/texting to chit chat, etc)

Please have respect for OP and don't speak negatively about him as you would hope that OP would not speak negatively about you.

Please have respect for OP's space, there should be no need for you to be in OP's house, good intentions or not, it is an invasion of space and privacy and OP is entitled to this.

Please stick to the agreed upon visitation schedule, it seems as though this shouldn't be too terribly difficult since you don't have a job.

MAYBE, if BM lays down the law and Bio Dad continues to act foolishly then OP should re-consider, but it seems to me that Bio Dad hasn't been put in his place at this point.

Well, if you can't do it legally than you need to set boundaries personally. In my opinion, wowoklol having to take off work sick in order to take care of the kids because the biodad decided to change plans, is just wrong. Wowoklol's job shouldn't be affected because boundaries aren't in place for the biodad. If biodad is going to take the kids, he is going to take the kids-he can't change at the last minute and expect you and especially not wowoklol, to pick up the slack.

I think you are putting wowoklol in a very tough position. It is disrespectful to him for you to allow biodad to do as he pleases without setting boundaries.

At this point, the boys are now in daycare so that xbf cannot adversely effect our jobs.

Boundary attempts continue to be made, and complience is improving.

At this point, I want interactions with xbf to be platonic, pleasent, and about the boys. Attempts by xbf to get me to come back, express feelings, get alone time are generally ignored or shot down.

Trying to work through what is best for wowoklol and I and the boys relationship with xbf IS hard, as you all know, and I'm working on fine tuning so everyone is happy.

Yes, it is hard and I wasn't passing judgement-so I hope it wasn't coming off that way.

I can understand you wanting interactions with your XBF to be platonic and only about the boys and that is how it should be and it can be done. When you place boundaries the XBF has to respect them. It is a fine balance, that's for sure and not an easy one to find nor maintain. It might take you a little while to get there, it might not. If your XBF respects your boundaries than it is going to be a lot easier.

Good Luck to you and wowoklol.

If he didn't want me to respond here, I suppose he wouldn't have linked me the thread?

If you feel that I'm making excuses for him, that is up to you. I was attempting to flesh out the information about the situation so that more informed opinions could be made, but if you think he should run then you are entitled to that opinion.

I spent 6 years with xbf, and he spent the last year and a half unemployed. After watching my own brother get sued for child support by his ex wife, and watching my parents pay it for him, I just don't want this to turn into a giant legal struggle that he can't get out of. I really just want him to pay the car payment for the minivan and pay us enough per month to cover electric, gas, and water. Since I know he can't do that now, what is the point of putting him in debt just to put him in debt, especially to the state?

The boys really like wowoklol, and they really like their dad. They hate the fighting between ther father and I, so I would rather not engage. And no, I don't just allow the kids to make comments against wowoklol, I try to make sure that they know what daddy didn't really mean it when he says bad things about wowoklol and me, but that daddy does love them very much, and if daddy says mean things about mommy or wowoklol, you just tell him that isn't very nice and daddy shouldn't do not-nice things.

Thanks for the input everyone.

Bio-father here.

First off allow me to clarify the situation just a bit here. The OP and my ex started their relationship by her cheating on me with him not even a month after we had moved into a new house together.

I was very angry about this betrayal, and yes I did say some things that I should not have said. I never made any implicit threats toward the OP. I did say I would "like" to do some of the things he posted. It was more wishing out loud than threats.

I did indeed call CPS on them because the house was filthy, there was cat feces in the boys room, and the OP himself told me that he had left them locked in their room until apx 10:30 at least one morning.

Then I come to find out they blatantly lied to CPS about me, telling them that I left the boys locked in their room all the time. There was a lock on the door to their room and I would lock the door when I put them to bed to prevent my oldest from continually coming out. After they fell asleep I would unlock the door so he could come out in the morning.

I don't want to cause any drama, I really don't, but the OP is insisting on pounding his chest and "marking his territory" and that territory includes my children. I don't want their mother back, I did for a while. I begged her to go to counseling with me, she refused. Can't do much more than that.

Yes I did at one point say that the OP was dumb in front of my oldest, and like the parrots that kids can be he repeated it. I explained to him that daddy was very angry when he said that, and that it's not ok to say things like that just because you're angry. I explained to him that the OP is not dumb, that he is a nice guy, and that he loves their mother, and them.

Yes the BM and I had a pretty contentious relationship for the last two years of it. Our home had been turned into a litterbox and I was tired of it. I did become emotionally and verbally abusive towards her in regards to the state of the home. I did not go straight to abuse though. I ended up becoming someone I was not out of desperation in all honesty. That's no excuse for my behavior, and quite honestly I'm ashamed of myself for it. I never wanted our relationship to end up the way it did.

So there you have it in all it's gory detail. Well most of it anyway. I won't get into everything I had to put up with during the first few months of their relationship as I was still living there in the house for part of it.

Can't really give advice on the kid part but my Ex Husband stalked me and texts me and called me up crying every week for about a year. It should go away after he gets his own life back on track, unless he is a real crazy! I feel for ya!

send this shit into Days of Our LIves, they really need some new unbelievable BS drama!

it was all believable until stupid ass bm thought having bio dad come over and play nanny was a good idea. get a clue!

How did all of you know that each of you were on here? I am sooo confused. How did the bio dad find out that the current boyfriend was posting on Steptalk>? Did you tell him, and then decide to argue it out on here??? How did this happen?????

This will be my last post on the subject. It's been months since I've said anything to the OP that could be even remotely construed as a threat, but here he is demonizing me. I've admitted I said some things I shouldn't have, and have given a bit more info on the situation.

He decided to be less than honest in his description so I felt the need to fill in the blanks to defend myself.

I was a stay at home dad for almost two years, and now I've been relegated to seeing my boys on the weekends. That is still hard for me to deal with, and the OP pounding his chest is not making the situation any easier.

All that being said, I just want what's best for my boys.

And believe me I'm just as tired of the drama as he is. I thought we were past the drama, but he decided to manufacture some by getting indignant that I cleaned HER house without his permission... /shrug

umm I am very leery of this thread!? I seems too weird that all 3 are on here.? VERY suspicious. :?

DH totally lied to me. Guys DO fight like girls do.

Unfortunately wowoklol and I made the mistake of using common usernames of ours.

My presence here is at wowoklol's behest, as he linked me the thread.

dude, why do you guys need to argue on here..... its supposed to be a site to vent anonymously about your lives.doyou really need a web site to communicate with one another? thats kind of sad... but who am i to judge.
definitely wondering if this is a bogus thread

I don't really get why biodad is pissed that stepdad is talking about him. He's not using his real name. Nobody knows who you guys are.

You know what is so amazing? All 3 are pretty polite in what they are saying, compared to most. DH and his ex would have been screaming bloody murder by now.

I feel like I am reading Masterpiece Theater-
"there, sir, if you would not have touched my wife's fair bosoms, we would not have reason to be at odds with one another"

"forsooth, Birth father, you need to recompense your ex for various and sundry items related to the children you propagated with her, indeed!"

" To the biological mother - what the fuck is your problem? Do you enjoy having both men on a string? You need to decide which man you want and grow up yourself. Your KIDS are what's important here..not your fucking ego. Women like you make me sick. You use the sorry ass excuse of your ex cleaning your house? What the fuck is that shit? Are you completely insane? You're a dipshit. Be a mother to your kids and quit enjoying the drama of having 2 men slobber over you. "

I find this somewhat ironic, BTW.

The more xbf and I fight, the worse it is for the kids. xbf doesn't show up due to insults, he picks fights breaks things, and keeps this petty crud in between him and his boys.

The fact that I have, previously, had people come over to clean my house in exchange for debts they couldn't pay, and the fact that the boys were asking about him is why I let him do it. No other reason.

Wowoklol and I are in different places in dealing with xbf, and honestly, whether it happened every day or not, I spent YEARS just doing whatever xbf wanted to avoid fights and anger and violence. I WAS ABUSED BY THAT MAN. I apologize that my judgment was clouded, but I don't think it makes me a dipshit or insane. I think it has made me vulnerable to his bullying and cajoling.

I would love to just have it stop. I would love to just keep the boys with me until he sues for custody and flesh it out that way. But what is the POINT?

I love wowoklol. He is really good with the boys, and I don't want him to run because we're still swinging on the pendulum of xbf's temper and what is best for the boys. But running is always his option, and so are adjustments to contact/visitation/level of friendliness based on how xbf behaves.

I was hoping that some of the people here, who are frequently both bio parents AND step parents, would understand the nature of this situation as BRAND NEW and perhaps provide some strategies for helping keep this from being a giant contentious battle, but it does seem as though the amount of vitriol pent up from your own justifiable frustration will vilify me every time.

I wish everyone luck. I hope everyones' lives become more peaceful. And I would like to quote DS3. "Don't CCCCRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!! No CRYING!"

why has it taken him sooooo long to find a job? i understand the ecomony sucks, personally i was out of work for a year, but... i do not have children to support. However, during that time of being unemployed i was constantly behind a computer trying to find a job! i didnt have time to clean poeple's houses. even if it was a bartering deal. AND i still found random jobs such as babysitting, cleaning a yoga studio, working at my BF's office for a couple of months doing clerical work. So again... why hasn't baby daddy found a job? starbucks pays.. i mean, its nice you want to do something for your kids (like clean their home) but sorry, that doesn't put food on the table.
this has really gotten jerry springer-ish haha..WOW

Because while we were together I let him not find another job so we wouldn't have to pay for childcare.

So he's been out of work for just over 2 years, 6 months of which since I left him.

It made more sense to me for the boys to have their dad there and not be shuttled about then to make him get a job that I would have the same problems as his old job with (trying to wake him up, make him go, be an adult etc etc).

He had a misdemeanor possession charge in Indiana and lost his license for 6 months as a result, so that seems to be where the sticking point is currently.

yeah, ok... so he was a "stay at home dad" but now he's NOT! within in 6 months he couldnt' find anything to pay money so he could contribute to the cost of taking care of the kids?
you do realize that technically he could owe a but load of money if the state of IN found out that he hasnt' been paying? personally i am familiar with the state of Indiana's CS laws (my Bf is from there and thats where his divorce decree was made). he was out of work too for 2 years and racked up 18k in back support. he has been employed for 5 years now and is still paying th eback support off. yes, his credit sucks still..
but you know what? he doesnt' blame his EX for HIM not having a job and not being able to pay child support. and the truth is.. the courts would probably only require ur xbf to pay a small amount a week till he gets a job.
there's so many things he could do... why doesnt' he clean poeple's houses for MONEY! put an ad ON craigslist....just an idea

HIGH, I googled Wow OK Lol dating someone with kids and didn't get anything. That was a rather solipsistic discussion.

Thanks, I see it now. Honestly. Well I wish you all the best of luck. Interesting to watch a 3 way debate unfold on this board. Looks like you all have your work cut out for ya. Just remember to keep your sense of humour in downtimes. Sorry I can't offer any good advice.

I've ne'er said this but run like hell! This will be a disaster for all but most of all for the kids!