FDH has savings account for SD8
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So glad i found this site... i tan across a bank statement FDH has for a savings account for FSD7 and it has $35,000 in it.... I waswas aware that He has been saving since she was born...but i didn't know that much!!!! :jawdrop: That bothers me a little bit... A lot actually. He has been saving since before i came into the picture but it still bothers me that he has invested so much in her. I asked him to use some of her savings to pay my student loans off and he said NO! He said I'm being unreasonable asking him to do that but I'm his WIFE
And feel that he should put ME first. Am i over reacting?
She's 7 will turn 8 next
She's 7 will turn 8 next month
you have no right to expect
you have no right to expect him to do that. how would you like it if the tables were turned? how would you feel if you just got an inheritance and he wanted a big chunk of it for sd? this isn't any different. it's sd's money, he has the right to have an account for her, and she is not responsible for your debt. you should be ashamed of yourself.
I have a savings account & a
I have a savings account & a job!!!....why does a kid need that much money?
i think a better question is
i think a better question is why do you feel the need to get into the kid's money at all? you sound like you think you have a right to it. YOU DON'T.
Don't attack me i am just
Don't attack me i am just trying to understand another POV. I just wanted to start our marriage debt free & thought he could help without using his own $ so his savings and mine can be used to buy a home
It sounds like the marriage
It sounds like the marriage is debt free as of now but YOU aren't and this bothers you. If your loans are in your name your marriage is debt free. Trust me I am dealing with DH still paying on his truck but my stuff is paid off WE are debt free and soon he will be so we can get stuff for us.
That kid needs the money so
That kid needs the money so she doesn't have as many student loans as you do...that may sound bitchy but it's a point. I'm glad you have a savings and a job but that doesn't make you any more entitled to a CHILD'S money.
My DH puts all change whether from him spending or cash I've used as long as it is in the car or on the dresser in SS5's jar. Mind you the jar is for fixing a truck that he loves, that we actually bought because of I wanted it. You have to take things in stride. And it doesn't bother me.
Though you have to realize you are his girlfriend/wife but if this is something he did before you, and even if he still does it it is about the child. I could see you being upset if he didn't pay his part of the bills, but you haven't said a thing about that. You are saying you want money for a child used on you. Currently I wish that my parents would have done that, I wish that DH would have started one for SS but at this point we have the change jar, which I willing contribute to as well - and once we start getting extra money I will probably suggest more, and will def demand one when we have a bio child.
It sounds like you might have some bigger resentment about the child than you want to admit. It sounds bad but that child was there before you, and if anything happens to you that child will still be there. Be happy that he is looking out for her future.
^^This. Re-evalute this is
^^This.
Re-evalute this is what you want and you can handle it.
"You need to start paying
"You need to start paying very close attention to relationship dynamics between you and him and the kid. You do not want to be feeling that his daughter is more important to him than you. If you ultimately choose to marry this man, please be sure you go into it with your eyes wide open and a realistic expectation of how he's going to deal with a wife and a daughter."
I agree with this. I can see where you, OP, would be highly upset and rightfully so, if you two were married, struggling, and he was taking money away from your household, joint acct, etc., and putting it in savings when it was needed for more immediate priorities, but this is money he, as an unmarried man, put away for her. I think it is a bit extreme, to have that much money saved for a 7 yr old, man, by the time she is 18, if he keeps this up, there could be close to 100,000 in there. Anyway, I get you, I would not like it, but I would pick my battles and know I cant say squat about the money there now. I personally, would put a stop to it once married, and refocus his attentions on buying a house, paying off debt, moving forward and growing as a couple, but he will never agree with you on the $ already there.
Ummm I have two kids in Texas
Ummm I have two kids in Texas state colleges. Combined the total will not be close to 100K including room and board.
That is very high, we looked
That is very high, we looked at a private college in Austin that did not cost that much. I just now figured it will cost about 70K for both boys to finish school in 4.5 years. If you add in their cars (not college related) it would be 94K for two kids.
I work at a Private University where yearly costs run about 36K per year. I would guess the majority of the students are on some sort of scholarship or grant but still it runs over 20K per year with room and board. And then students graduate with a Psychology or Liberal Arts degree. That is a ridiuculous price to pay.
I think it all depends on
I think it all depends on what type of degree they are getting.
I am currently enrolled in a State University again in Texas I just added up my bill paid to the University in 2012 and it was $15,962.12 - this does not include room and board or books. This is just simply what I paid for fees, and tuition. Mind you I did go to summer school last year.
Whether it the cost though I personally pay for everything out of pocket - without the help of DH so that when I graduate there is no additional debt in our relationship, yes this means I haven't been able to put as much into the household lately but he would prefer it be this way...and I make my last tuition payment May 1, 2013 and graduate a little over a week later and will be done with it all.
Being someone who sees how much it cost first hand and the sacrifices to do it without debt, I am happy to see a father putting money aside - and even if there is extra left over when this kid gets out of college, wouldn't it be worth it to help her jump start her professional life without moving back home while she looks for a job?
I just looked at my SS's
I just looked at my SS's college forms and his is the most expensive. $8,700 for tuition (30 hrs) and about 3K for dorm/meal and $700 for books. Add $529 for a summer class. So $12,929.
My other SS's costs are not that expensive.
NY is also ONE STATE, you
NY is also ONE STATE, you could also keep that in mind when replying.
Wow thins have gone up, I
Wow thins have gone up, I went UofH in the '80's. Books, tuition and room and board back then maybe $4k per year.
My son is a junior at a
My son is a junior at a private HBCU in VA. Four years there will cost 120k.
I knew when my son was born that I wanted him to attend a HBCU. I started saving for that when he was born.
My husband went to a state
My husband went to a state HBCU in the late 80's LOL...we looked at an HBCU in our area and it was about 15K per year, but my SS was offered partial track scholarship. That unfortunately was NOT the best option for him.
I guess it seemed extreme for
I guess it seemed extreme for me because I went to a state school, got a Bachelor's Degree in four years, and after scholarships and grants, I only had to borrow around 13,000, which I am paying for on my own because I am an adult and did not expect my parents to pay it for me, especially since I lived at home during that time period. Everyone's situation is different. Having to apply for scholarships, seek out grants, take on my own financial burden, made me more responsible. I applaud and commend parents that have the funds to put college money away, but it does not always happen and the parents are not awful terrible people because of it.
I think those student loans
I think those student loans you have did not provide you with much of an education. Or else you are just slow witted.
Or this might be a hoax as no one in their right mind would agree with your position.
Well,,I can understand your
Well,,I can understand your thought process and I don't think it's fair everyone is attacking you. My DH has 2 boys (10&11) and does not seem to place value on savings or education so needless to say he doesn't have a pot of gold waiting for them for the future. We have a 3 month old and I am the one who values education and finances so I stared a 529 college plan for him ONLY. In the event my DH and I split and my new guy wanted a piece of that money, I'd be offended. My SKs don't have a financial future because neither of their parents seem to value such or care so Ive disengaged. Although I'm not checking for them, I wouldn't expect a piece of money he would have saved for them simply because I do value finances and education.
Me either.
Me either.
I agree with most of the
I agree with most of the other posters - this is not YOUR money and you have no business expecting it to be used for YOUR debts. Really talk about entitlement issues - this takes the cake!
is this really an issue?
:jawdrop: is this really an issue? That is his daughters money. You have no right to it and should be thankful he's thrifty enough to put money away. Good grief.
It's HIS money. You're being
It's HIS money. You're being a gold digger. I think it's VERY TELLING that you "found" a bank statement that indicates this savings account, and that he didn't TELL you about it. Hmmm, methinks maybe he's got your number.
If you wanted a debt-free marriage, you should have paid off YOUR debt before marrying.
You're a selfish, selfish woman, and I'll bet this man will regret marrying you in no time.
Ok, I'm confused... are you
Ok, I'm confused... are you married to this man or not? You said, "But I'm his WIFE" but you refer to the daughter as "FSD" and him as "FDH." So which is it? If it's FUTURE, and you're just the girlfriend and already feeling entitled to this man's daughter's money, I'm thinking he may request a prenup. (And if he's smart, he will!!!) If that's the case, you may never get to "wife" status.
Work. Save. Pay off your own loans. That's YOUR debt. Don't visit it on him.
EXACTLY! wow, I am still in
EXACTLY! wow, I am still in shock over this post.
I would say what is already
I would say what is already in that account is untouchable. Nothing wrong with smaller or no future donations to that account now that he will have a wife to help provide for
Both of my kids got full
Both of my kids got full tuition to the colleges they attend. Room/board still needs to be paid. $11k/year, each. Dad contributes nothing. WHatevs.
Both got academic
Both got academic scholarships. While my youngest plays her sport in college, she goes to a D3 school, where sports scholarships are not awarded. Which is a good thing. IMO. If you want more info on how it all works, would be more than willing to address it either here (so others could benefit) or via PM.
Just let me know.
My other is in a Conservatory, so am willing to discuss that, too...
I save for my BD too. It's
I save for my BD too. It's not 35k though. I have taken 10% out f child support and half goes into her Educational IRA, and half goes into savings-but every time it reaches $1,000 I move it to a CD. She has a little over $6,000 all together. I told my husband about it when we got together, and he decided he didn't want to save for his minor child. My ex-H doesn't know about it, because if he did, I am afraid he and his family would save nothing for my daughter's future. That said, if it came down to an illness and we were about to lose the house, of course I would borrow from it. I would not pay off a debt that my current husband caused just to make his life easier, though.
His money for whatever HE
His money for whatever HE chooses to spend it on. You have no claim or right to it. Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear but it's true.
This is SD's money and should
This is SD's money and should not be used for anything else accept her education.However, you can talk to FDH about the amount of contributions he is doing now.If he was putting a lot of money into her fund before you were married it is one thing.But the financial situation can change with life changes and if you feel that you both should instead save for a house instead of him delegating everything spare straight into her fund, you can bring that up.But whatever he has done in the past was alone his business and belongs to SD only.