ex still living in the past
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Just wondering how many others deal with this situation?
My partner split from his ex wife about 5 years ago now. They are divorced.
Yet periodically 9about every 3 months) she goes bonkers and will rant to him, saying things to him like "we had problems but you never worked on our fixing them" and 'i wanted counselling, you wouldnt go" etc.
I understand all those things would have been issues at the time they split/divorced but now? Its been 5 years but you'd think it happened yesterday from the way she goes on. She even talks to the skids about it!
Is there any chance she will ever 'move on' or am I just being overly optimistic??
If there are kids involved
If there are kids involved that may be the reason she periodically calls. She sees the kids, gets reminded, and the story goes on. I have heard this from LOTS of women.
There are kids but they
There are kids but they mainly live with her. So maybe its a daily reminder?
I could almost understand it if she was ranting about things that are happening now, but she's not. It all old issues being rehashed.
Actually he fully admits his
Actually he fully admits his part in the failure of his relationship. He's talked to me about the mistakes he made and how he is trying to learn from them in our relationship.
I'm not saying he's perfect - he's not, I'm not, nobody is, but he doesnt lay all the blame at the feet of his ex.
He didnt refuse counselling by saying their relationship was fine. She moved out of the family home (leaving the kids with him), nothing happened for over 12 months and then when he started dating again, she suddenly wanted counselling.
My DH used to deal with this
My DH used to deal with this from BM. He actually just started ignoring her, completely. He doesn't speak to her on the phone at all anymore and if she texts or emails something like that, he just ignores.
I guess seeing the kids would
I guess seeing the kids would be a constant reminder of the other half.
However, did she move on to be with someone new?
If not, she may be depressed and look at his life and compare.
Comparing is one of the worst things we can do to ourselves.(I know Ive been there).
But after 5 years, she needs to move on and perhaps speak to someone.
My SO ex does that but in a different way, even though they've been divorced for 13 years. She reminds him about how he left her a lone to raise the kids by herself(understandable) but not after 13 years.
Best he can do, is just ignore and/or suggest, maybe you should talk to someone, go out with a friend etc. "Its not healthy for you to think like this after 5 years, maybe you should talk to someone about moving on" or "look forward to the future".
Look ahead not back!
Harsh reality can be the best medicine!
She did move out of the
She did move out of the family home when they split but there wasnt a third party involved. And I wasnt invovled either, I didnt meet DH til over a year after.
He does ignore it and I know there's nothing more he can do. I just wish it would stop.
Actually my genuine wish would be for her to move on and be happy. She's currently miserable and very very angry and its not good for anyone.
There is a chance she may but
There is a chance she may but I feel like some will never move on.
Personally my BM still WEARS MY HUSBANDS CLOTHES. When he left after trying everything he could to work on things though he knew it would never work but at least wanted to try as he was in a divorced family and didn't want to see that for stepson legit said he took a trashbag of clothes he needed for work the next winter (He works offshore are will bring some stuff home after winter so its not all stuffed in his locker and he has the legit best jacket out of the guys he works with) and his truck which she couldn't drive anyways because it is a standard. And I guess according to SS she has washed but won't even get new sheets from the ones used when they were married, I have personally seen her in his shirts I know this because one was a old shirt from his work that had his name on it....
In fact last night at practice she was wearing a tshirt that looked like it would have been his, and a sweat jacket with his name and old company logo that he had got for free from the first offshore company he worked for...she will also talk about when there problems and still discuss them with SS, and has even gone so far to say I shouldn't be at events because I wasn't at events when her eldest son (not Dh's) was in sports which they were married for this kid hasn't been in sports in 4 or 5 years? She is nuts and I think this is a extreme example but some women are just fixated.
Wow. That really is an
Wow. That really is an extreme example!
Yep she is absolutely nuts,
Yep she is absolutely nuts, and apparently tonight she went on a rant about me and DH...in which he responded get a boyfriend - her response her eldest son doesn't want her to so she doesn't bring any "mean" men like DH around again....yet she still is super jealous and in a way worships him behind closed doors.
Oh God! She hasn't moved on
Oh God! She hasn't moved on at all. She perhaps is still wondering the "what if" "if only" "could have, should have" all these craps about her ex. Have your boyfriend or husband set clear firm boundaries with her. Absolutely no contact with her. She is bad news. She can call and email about kids, other than that, no, she is not a friend, your husband or boyfriend is not her shrink.
He doesn't respond when she
He doesn't respond when she emails or texts nasty stuff.
The bigger problem is when she talks to the kids about these things. A few weeks ago (over the christmas period) skid asked DH why he wouldnt go to counselling when mummy had wanted to go. BM had been telling them about their relationship problems and saying she wanted to try to fix them but Daddy wouldnt try. And obviously he cant just ignore his son.
Dhs x did this to his kids
Dhs x did this to his kids for ten years and they're all messed up. Never have understood how a mother can hate the kids father more than she loves the kids... That's what it really boils down to. It's pretty disgusting. We had texting insanity for ten years until sd and yes disengaged from dh. When bm was convinced shed completely ruined any relationship they'd ever have with dh she stopped... Except for the dog meds reminders.
I honestly do not understand
I honestly do not understand how someone can seriously want someone who does not want them. Okay maybe for a few months or even a year. But you have to have pretty fucked up self esteem to beg someone to please please please come back to you.
I cannot imagine being like that. I love my husband and he is a really good guy. We have a great life together - but I have made it clear if we ever split there will be no do-over.
I would feel like the most pathetic creature who ever lived to beg someone who doesn't love me to please come back.