Estate Planning & Wills - Blended Family

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I know this is a topic none of us like thinking about but I have been trying to decide the best, fair outcome for some time but can't figure it out.

Both my partner and I are 30 years old. We each have 2 children to prior relationships. Together we have no children and it will most likely stay this way (but we may have a child in next 5-10 years, 10-20% likelihood).

We are going to be married in the near future. I have brought a lot more assets $ into the relationship and have a substantial life insurance payout... $2m all up. My partner does not have much (maybe 10% of this).

We each have 2 kids from prior relationships. Her kids we have 100% of time and mine 50%. If I die and my kids end up being looked after 100% by their mother (not sure if this would happen - or if my partner would get access), my children's mother is quite poor and does struggle to make ends meet, as much as I don't want her to end up with any of my $ - she currently does have a small income stream from me to assist with children's expenses.

My partner's family is very wealthy and long term her children will be well catered for because of this.

My partner and I are buying our family home and on the one hand, if I was to die I don't want her struggling and have to sell it, but on the other hand I don't want my children to miss out or get less?

Do I leave 100% to my partner legally, then leave (non-binding) instructions that I want her to make sure my children's needs are met (as well as sending some $ to their mother if justified)?
I guess like anything, there could be a risk that those non-binding wishes I listed weren't followed. If we both died then our $ goes equally to all 4 of our children?

I struggle with this topic and decision! Appreciate any insights.

I should add that I do treat

I should add that I do treat and love her children as though they are my own, spending a lot of time with them and soon be moving in, all our kids are very young (under 5) so very well 'dependent' on us all!

Why would your EX not take

Why would your EX not take her kids if you pass ? Is she capable of carding for them ?
If she the EX, takes your/her kids, you have to make sure she has the funds to care for your kids. There are lawyers for this.

Even if you and your partner gets married. She has no legal rights to your kids. Your EX is First.

yes, I guess most likely if I

yes, I guess most likely if I pass- my ex will take 100% of my children, and my current partner then gets no time with them?.

Pass what? If you pass a car,

Pass what?

If you pass a car, pass a football?

Since you children are young

Since you children are young you need to make sure that if you were to die they are cared for.

Their Mother will get full custody and your new wife most likely wouldn't see them again.
Imagine if your exW was to remarry, then was to pass away. Would you expect her new husband to get custody of your children? Or share custody 50/50 with him?

Talk to a lawyer who is familiar with step families. They'll be able to help you with your questions.

Also remember that a will is something that needs to be revisited every few years. As your children get older, if you and your new wife do have a child, changes will need to be made.

Pre-nup pre-nup pre-nup-this

Pre-nup pre-nup pre-nup-this you must must must have
Then have your will set up that
The money goes into a fund should you pass and someone different to your ex is the executer of the trust
If you want to make a special pay out to your new wife and her kids you would stipulate this at the time of making the will

Money is a difficult thing - be very careful of it

I agree that your children

I agree that your children shouldn't get short-changed...but neither should your wife just because this is a second marriage. She shouldn't have to sell the marital home that she bought with you or buy your kids out of a portion of it while she's alive. She should get assets built up during the marriage.

It's easy enough to create a trust with your assets. Wife can use the house and gets assets while she's alive, but they're in trust for the kids after you both pass.

If I were you, I also wouldn't want my ex getting all my money and my current spouse getting screwed if I passed young/unexpectedly. Of course, you realize that your bio-kids will get SS while they're minors, which will go to your ex...while your current spouse will not get that.

You can also get a separate life insurance policy that lists ex as beneficiary while your kids are minors...this will give you peace of mind that they will be cared for without short-changing your wife or kicking her out of her home should you pass away. My husband has this for his kids/ex...though the youngest will be 18 in 6 months and then we'll either cancel that policy or change the beneficiary.

What I'm saying here is...it doesn't have to be an either/or. There are ways to do both...be fair to your spouse and life partner while also ensuring your minor kids are taken care of.

pre-nup..... what's yours

pre-nup.....

what's yours before marriage goes to your children 100%, what's hers before marriage goes to her children 100|%

Everything the 2 of you gathered during marriage will be divided equally among all children in form off, upon your death she get's 50% and your kids gets 50%

yeah I'm that woman