DW and BD aren't listening to ss13

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I've been a SF to ss13 for 4 years now. We have a pretty good relationship.

When Ss was 8 he was tested for being giftedness, and he scored in the top 2 percentile. He's in grade 8 now and he is enrolled in the advanced program at school. His grades are at the top of his classes- all in the high 90's and 100% in science and math.

Last year BD would take him to the library and he would be taking out university level Calculus, Organic Chemistry , Physics , and Biology textbooks. He was able to read them and understand the content as if it were child's play. He was able to explain the concepts to us clearly and was able to solve complex problems that were advanced for his grade. The school gave him standardized tests that presented content at he would not exposed to until high school. He aced them. His school held a meeting him DW, BD, and myself and were stating that given his exam scores, he would be able to skip the remainder of junior high and transfer into grade 12 next year and start university the following year if they would choose to do so. That would mean that Ss would be 15 and in university. DW and BD seemed thrilled and when they discussed that idea to ss, he shot it down saying that he doesn't want to do it. All of his friends are in his grade and he explained that we really wasn't comfortable with the idea. DW basically told ss, that this would be a huge step in ss's future and he should at least consider it. He shot it down again.

DW and BD are so thrilled that that ss is so intellciutally advanced, that they have basically told him that he should/will go and he's only afraid since this is new, but it will turn out okay. He really doesn't want to.

He's come to me in tears asking me for help because neither DW or BD listen to him. I did talk to DW about it and all she said was that she's his mother and she knows what's best for him. DW took ss to the University of Alberta's open house to check out the different programs. I got a call from Ss crying saying that he was in the bathroom and he was having problems breathing and was feeling like he was burning up i.e having a panick attack. I did calm him down and waited and stayed on the phone with him until he was okay, and when I asked him to pass the phone to DW she told be she was busy and will discuss things with me later which lead to a major arguement. Just the other day I recevied a call from ss's school saying that he had a full blown nervous break down and just wanted to come home. I left work early and picked him up and he broke down saying that he doesn't want to go to university yet and anytime he tried to discuss it with DW or BD they just shut him down and say that it's what's best for him.

I get that they're proud of him and want him to get a head start on life, but he clearly is stating that he's not ready for it yet. He still wants to enjoy being a kid because thats what he is, a kid. Unortunately either DW or BD seem to not want to listen to him. He's said to DW that if she makes him do this, he will never forgive her for it, but all DW will say that this is for him to have a great future. Yes, there is not doubt that he could become a surgeon, lawyer, whatever, but this will probaly cost her ss in the process. I feel like my hands are tied due to me being a SP. If I was the biological parent, I would have shot the idea down the instant ss said he didn't want to do it, but I'm not. DW and BD are basically forcing the issue on him and he's stressed to the max because of it.

I don't know what to do

well..

Stop feeding into this kid's anxiety. Its college, not Mars. If he really is so advanced, he will thrive in a more intellectual environment. He will not be the first very advanced kid in the world, the education system has procedures already in place for his kind to help support and nurture him as a whole person, intellectual and social.

Second, since you cant fight the proud tiger mom, go with it. Be all hyped and bring studies to her how much gifted kids need therapy to help them with this sudden change and how to learn better social skills to communicate in an age appropriate way with peers from intellectual and age-level groups.

Thirdly, why is he calling you in tears? Why isnt he using his great big brain to go directly to the schools and tell them he's not interested. This isnt the 1650's, he isnt owned by his parents. The administrators will take into account what he wants, as well.

Reference- mom of a gifted kid who's best friend is one of those extraordinarily exceptional ones.

Thirdly, why is he calling

Can you speak to his school counsellor about him, so they can support him and hopefully help him get his parents to understand how he feels. Going to university will be big mistake for hm and his parent as he is no where near emotional aware to cope with the life.

He may be very intelligent but his emotional learning is still that of a 13 year old child and it is very important that he is with his friends of his own age.

I agree.

He has the intellectual level required but not the maturity. This could be utter hell for him. He's not going to be able to mix with kids who are several years older than him and who are at an entirely different point in their lives. He could well spend his college years alone ...

Honestly, if BM and BD insist on this they could very well see him drop out and refuse to go back. Not to mention the psychological damage that all of this could do.

What's the hurry?

He has his whole life to study and work. The way I see it, since he more than holds his own academically, I would put the emphasis on making sure he has the opportunity to grow emotionally, spiritually, and socially right now.

I skipped 12th grade and went to college early and I am still resentful about what I missed out on. I was in no way prepared for it socially either though I did fine in classes. There is so much more to university than the academics.

Around here in some states (US) an advanced student can attend some community college classes while still enrolled in high school. Anything like that there?

He can take college classes

He can take college classes while staying in his current grade at school. Let him grow up a bit, he's not mature enough to jump into high school with 12th graders, that's insane, from a maturity perspective. I don't blame him, seriously - who wants to be the 13-year-old 12th grader that everyone gawks at?

It's sad that these parents are thinking about themselves over this kid's needs and well-being. When he's a bit more mature he can jump ahead into college.

Hopefully, he will use that

Hopefully, he will use that big, bright brain of his to file for emancipation and request that you be his guardian. His parents are being assholes.

Next time he has a breakdown

Next time he has a breakdown have him insist that the school call an abulance and take him to the Hospital. Take it out of DW and BD's hands and get the mental health pros involved. This kid needs a way to negate his toxic breeder parents.

I get that he is gifted and I get that intellectually college is an option for him but... he knows himself well enough to know that he is not ready from a maturity perspective.

Though it was in hind sight, I am very proud of my son (SS-26) for having the maturity and intestinal fortitude to eventually be forthright with his mom and I that he was not ready for college. We were pushing him on it, offered the full meal deal mom and dad full ride scholarship anywhere in the world he wanted to go. He finally sat us down and told us that he would go to college (and he is..... slooooooooowly......) but that he was not ready to apply himself and if we forced him to go it would be a waste of his time and our money.

He enlisted in the USAF instead and is half way to his BSCS... 8 years after graduating HS and 7 years after enlisting.

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