Does your SO treat YOUR bio any different then his bios????
I'm irritated- Don't get me wrong, over all he treats my bio good. He wants to be her dad and she kinda rejects him in some ways but embraces him in others....she's 9 so she's figuring shit out. Anyway, SD15stb16 is a DRAMA queen bitch as many of you may already know. FDH baby's her when she comes over, is up her ass and makes up excuses for her when she lies and steals my clothes and makes bad decisions- has all the patience in the world. :sick:
My BD8 is a sweet girl but can be annoying and looks for negative attention and has some adhd issues. She's no perfect princess and she can be difficult as well. FDH has lost most of the patience he used to have with her. He denies it of course. It IRKS me to no end that his patience overfloweth with his rotten teenager and he's so quick to snap with my 9 year old.
I've brought it up many times, we have talked about it in therapy etc but it doesn't seem to change. I'm not making excuses for anyone, BD8 pushes buttons but it's obvious to me and my daughter that he's different around his own kid. I HATE it
He's said things like his kids never acted like that, and my daughter pushes and pushes even when he's trying to be patient.........it may be true that she pushes buttons but I think she's gonna end up hating him for always treating kis blood kid better, I know I would. BD8 is with us 24/7 and his kid comes over for maybe 3 hours once a week so I know that has a lot to do with it too.
Anyone else have a similar experience????
Please don't misunderstand my post as he is mean to my kid and I let it happen- it doesn't go down like that he just has lost a lot of patience he used to have and it's causing a wedge in our relationship
" It IRKS me to no end that
" It IRKS me to no end that his patience overfloweth with his rotten teenager and he's so quick to snap with my 9 year old."
At the end of the day, she's still his kid. He's going to love her unconditionally on her worst day, just like you will love yours unconditionally on her worst day. He is going to love his kid more, so of course he's going to treat her differently than bd. That doesn't mean he should be MEAN to bd. If he's at the point where he feels the urge to snap at her, he needs to get you involved and step back.
I'm sure a lot of the resentment you and bd feel would be greatly reduced if he stopped making excuses for her and started parenting her. Do you feel the same way about that?
Yes I do! It's just so
Yes I do! It's just so OBVIOUS and thats what bothers me. Of course I get the whole natural love for your own child thing- IMO he just way over does it and is SUPER nice, anything she wants and literally SERVES her. I posted about her drama last week about how she kept running off crying. My bd says "he never cares when I cry"
made me really sad
He went chasing after her upstairs etc. And bd8 cries all the time and he lives with her so it's no big deal I guess
I'm sure we all do this. We
I'm sure we all do this. We love our BKs unconditionally. I love my SKs but I'll never treat them the way I treat my son. Hell, I don't even treat them the same way I treat my nieces and nephews.
DF is constantly pointing out things I do with niece8 and nephew6 that I don't do with SDs 7&8. He just can't understand that it's possible to like his kids, but not have the same bond with them that I have with my blood relatives.
If your FDH's actions are bad enough to
make you think your daughter will grow to hate him, why marrying him?
She may grow to hate you for forcing her to live in a home with someone who teats her Luke this.
My daughter is jealous of his
My daughter is jealous of his daughter and how he is with her, it's rainbows and unicorns when his kid is over and regular life when she's not. At 9 years old it's hard to understand and beyond her comprehension therefore she's building resentment. He's a good dad to her, it's just different. His kids have no rules, boundaries etc. My daughter does
Yup, my DH obviously favors
Yup, my DH obviously favors his own children who are here every weekend. I think it's because he feels as though he "lost" the opportunity to raise them (he and BM divorced when SK's were 2 or 3, they're late teens now). Add onto that the whole "they're only here a short time each week, I don't want to make them follow rules, have chores, blah blah blah"
My kids were much younger when I met my DH, they were 5 and 7. I think my DH feels THIS is the family he can be a part of and is bringing up my kids the way he feels kids should be raised.
The unfortunate thing is that he still holds his kids to ZERO accountability/responsibility.
Of course my kids see it, sense it, feel it. But the funny thing is, he is helping to raise my kids with pretty much the same values I have. The only sticking point is when HE enforces rules for my kids that he'd never dream of enforcing for his.
I have talked to my kids about it... they know what I expect from them and also see the paths DH's kids are heading down only because they have not been taught responsibility, manners, empathy. My kids do NOT want to be like them and they've told me that numerous times!!
It's hard, because there are times I point out to my DH that he needs to knock it off with my kids once in a while. He said he's only trying to be the best father figure he can to them (my first DH is deceased). I told him I understand that, but my kids get confused when they see him parent them but not his OWN kids.
I'm always telling DH if he
I'm always telling DH if he would be half the parent to SD as he is to my DD we wouldn't have any problems. He is a GREAT step-dad to my kid. He treats her very well, is kind to her, plays with her, loves her and trys to teach her. He also corrects her when she is doing something wrong, etc. That is something he has rarely ever done to SD. He has gotten better, but there is still basically no parenting of his DD, from either parent.
I do think that part of it is that he's been in DD's life since she was 2 years old, and spends much more time with her than he does SD, or even than her father does, since he has EOW visitation.
I have no problems with him correcting or being a parent to my kid for the most part, but sometimes it pisses me off when he corrects my kid for talking with food in her mouth, but lets his kid walk all over everyone in the house.
EXACTLY! Thats why I feel
EXACTLY! Thats why I feel resentful, he can parent my kid but not his own?????
UGH!
UGH!
In my house it was different.
In my house it was different. Ysd daughter was jealous of my bd and her older half sister. She wanted all the attention for herself. At the time neither my bd or osd lived with us; only ysd. The older girls wanted to know why ysd was never called on the carpet for her behavior. Why? because her mother died; she didn't know any better; and the excuses my dh made for ysd went on and on. Ironically, ysd does not speak to us now and we haven't seen her for over a year. Makes my life a lot more peaceful.