Nope SD is 21 ~ adult is number but not her actions. I seriously doubt things will ever change , I am sure she is waiting for me to die.

It gets better, at least for me it has. I'm not saying it gets EASY, but better. DH's kids were never as horrible as some we read about here, but I have had issues with them for sure. DH chased them. Handed over money we don't have. Miniwife behavior (I include both SD and SS as a miniwife). They were never blatantly rude to me I guess, but have taken advantage of us and have hurt my feelings deeply, as has DH regarding them.

I disengaged. Didn't really tell DH, but I stopped asking about them, stopped answering the phone when they called, stopped going with him when he visited. DH also got on board with treating them like the grownups they were supposed to be rather than doing whatever they wanted him to do (classic guilty daddy). Neither DH nor I are perfect parents, but we're both much better and more focused on our marriage than on our kids.

My DD is a strong, independent adult. SD is independent and successful, and a terrific parent herself. SS struggles with addiction, but he seems to be handling his own life right now.

I could still strangle DH sometimes, but it's almost never about skids.

It didn't get better...in some instances, after bm died, it got worse....For a while...then, when I disengaged to work on myself...I got better...then I accepted the fact that they choose their life and the pain that results from their choices...I realized I am not responsible for what others choose...nor an I responsible for their pain...I finally am free from their toxic culture and delusional way of thinking...I can finally move on, and have been... to become everything I was created to be...I finally stopped parenting them when I realized that life has it's seasons for each one of us. and when I was able to be present in the season I am in...I was able to release them to the season of life they are in...and the ball and chain around my ankle of caring so much it was killing me..fell off...Time for me to fly...

So to answer your question...even if they don't get any better or in my case get worse....you can get better at being the best version of you, you can be...regardless of them...at some point...(I don't know what that point was)...They became irrelevant to me pursuing happiness again....I no longer waste countless hours worrying about them...

I asked this same question a couple months ago. I'm just sitting back and waiting till SD12 gets caught shoplifting or seriously hurts someone. My DH doesn't think it will happen but when that child moves her mouth she lies...