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Does this feeling ever go away

Kate2007's picture

Submitted by Kate2007 on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 2:21pm

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BM just came to pick up SD5. We were both friendly. Haven't been any issues in a while. But I feel sick. DH didn't confront her on some pretty big things around this time last year and I haven't been able to get over them so now when I see her I just feel like telling her off... but I'm alway nice "for the sake of SD5". I was having a great day until I saw BM and now I can't seem to get rid of the negative energy.
Also last week she called DH crying because SD5 told her that she wasn't going to know our kids. We don't have biokids and I'm not even sure if I can have kids but I just want to yelled at her, "why the F do you think you will get to know them?" I know they will meet but according to SD5 her mom want our (potential) kids to have sleep overs at her house... This is just craziness since there aren't even any biokids!! I can't deal.

How do I get rid of this sick feeling?

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 3:27pm

Does she really say those things to you, Lily??This is just so mean and cruel.Good for you that you created some distance.

Kate2007's picture

Submitted by Kate2007 on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 5:36pm

Horrible. That woman must be a truely horrible person to say that to you. If BM said something to me I'd shoot back too. But she's much more passive- agressive and perfers to go throught DH.

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sun, 04/08/2012 - 10:36am

Lily this is so terrible. Women can be such bitches. Good for you for using her stupid bullshit and turning it around and congratulations on making the decision to make your marriage work through everything the two of you have been through. You're a wife that I aspire some day to be.

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sun, 04/08/2012 - 10:49am

Amen to that!! I'd bet most of us in our pre-skid life would look at other women "like us" and say HELL no...but you change and grow and figure it out based on what happens in your own life. I too can relate to you "fake it till you make it" technique with my skids. I come here and can feel so much more at peace and less pathetic for feeling the way I do sometimes in real life. Anyway I just wanted to let you know you're an awesome wife and I'm sure your DH already knows this but he is lucky to have you.

teristepmom's picture

Submitted by teristepmom on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 2:30pm

You don't. Sorry. If DH refuses to confront BM on something so theoretical and stupid then it is very unlikely that he will when something actually important comes up. this is classic "guilty daddy' - BM rules to roost and he is terrified of her - it is a hold over from their marriage. Almost all of us deal with it. BM still has his balls in her purse. Nearly all of us have lost respect for our DH's because of it. As a general rule, if you confront them about it all hell breaks loose because they HATE the fact that it is true and that they are too wimpy to do anything about it. You essentially are pointing out that they are less of a man. And you are right.

I have had it with some other woman controlling the actions and emotions of my man. I expected it in the beginning because habits are hard to break but 4 years down the line - oh HELL no!!! Either find a way to have him get a backbone, find a way to deal with him being a wimp when it comes to her, or get the hell out. Guess which one i am working on right now???

Kate2007's picture

Submitted by Kate2007 on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 5:34pm

I hate that I'm the one that has to push him to stand up to her. BM plays the SD card constantly. His response to me is "but just think poor SD has to live with BM half the time".
I'm only in this marriage a year. Really not ready to give up, though there are been times I've thought, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
DH says that it's just easier to ask me to cooperate because I'm in the relationship with him, rather than have to stand up to BM. I've let him know that there's only so much I can bend before I eventually break.

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 4:44pm

this is a case of massive over-intrusion and it is a deliberate attack. Defend. Either tell her politely that your life is not her concern each time ahe intrudes, or tell DH to refuse to listen further every time she mentions your name, or tell DH not to report conversations to you. You feel sick because she is sickening. The idea of the sleepover... horrific, bunny boiler, she is a nut.