Disengaging??
Hello everyone, I have a few questions about disengaging. I have an 11 year old ss that me and my BF cannot agree on whats so ever. When we got together BM was not in the picture so I became their mother. They all call me mom and it works for everyone except the ss11. I thought our relationship was good but not anymore and I AM THROUGH. I feel as though I cant win. I am constantly being judged for what I do or think. I punsih when necessary but only with grounding and timeout and BF seems to cut it short whenever he feels like it. He says I dont understand because I dont have my own kids. I said when we got together I would raise them like my own and believe me if they were my own they would be getting spankings and slaps for rolling eyes, disrespectful attitudes and lying which ss11 does all of the above. I have noticed that when I punish and BF doesnt agree I either get the silent treatment or we argue. I hate that because I feel like this lil brat wins. He did something wrong he gets punsihed what is so hard about this. I am sick of being in the middle but I do not trust my BF do punish him. He get what an hour long lecture and as long as he sits through it everything is fine that didnt teach him anything! So how do I go about disengaging because I feel like i am going to go postal if I do not find some kind of changes. Please someone help me! Has anyone disengaged from only one child or just during punishments? I am not sure what to do!!
I have a SD11, and I am
I have a SD11, and I am MOSTLY disengaged as of about 6 months ago. She is a lazy, smart-mouthed, bossy, jealous, know-it-all. She is stinky and filthy. She was constantly comparing me to her mother(who is a sociopathic hag), she lies to dh anytime she thinks shes going to get in trouble, she is manipulative and calculating just like her mother. DH only has her here 50/50 so he wont have to pay child support. Very obvious to me and to sd that he really doesnt care to do any parenting. Some days he says all of 5 words to her. I had to disengage or lose my mind.
I no longer am in charge of her chores and allowance, I don't DO anything for her as far as driving her to and from school, or taking her shopping much, I won't cook a meal in this house on a day the SD is here and my BD is not, I wont clean her room or do her laundry. To shut her up, I had to go off on her, which worked, but she has been testing me as of late.
Her latest thing is she said, "do I put this in the garbage disposal or in the trash?" DH and I were both in the kitchen. I said, "garbage disposal" and she said, "Daddy, do I put this in the garbage disposal or the trash?" So from now on, no matter what she asks me I say, "I don't know, you'll have to ask your dad."
Basically the only thing I do for her is take her and my BD swimming because SD is obese. I also invite her to go walking with me.
I still wish she would go to her moms and stay there. She is a dark, negative, foul cloud hanging in the air when she is here.
I'm happier this way. When my BD is with exH and its jusr SD at our house, I come home late or come home and leave even if its just to the gym or the mall so I dont have to hear her mouth and dh is forced to take care of his own kid.
I love that and I think thats
I love that and I think thats what I want to do its just hard because i have three other skids so do I have to disengage from them also? I think I want to just step away and have nothing to do with him because I am not respected ((obviously)) or listened to. I am so tired and I want either nothing to do with him or I want some say so some real say so because the kid needs to be put in his place.