Disengaged from step-family and feeling empowered!
The holidays were brutal. I was in such despair, alone and no support system for months. My spouse has always been unavailable and I am last on his list.He and the 5skids did not get me anything for christmas. I felt humiliated. I will never forget that day before new years, when I was in bed for two days already and my spouse didnt offer any help. He didnt even notice my suffering. I isolated the whole week.When he and all the skids piled into the van and drove away to a party, leaving me in such a poor state. I got enough strength to look out the window to see them drive away. It wasnt long after that moment of being abandoned by them, that I realized my worth!
F#$@ them!
No more spending my money on skids..no family dinners with them..no bowling..no church..no more lending my car to spouse to take them places..no more loaning my computer or other things they need...Not my kids,,Not my problem. As for my spouse, I (alone) am pulling myself out of this depression and Im focusing on me. If he wants time with me, he will have to pay for everything on my terms. No sex either..none of that for over a year already.
Disengaging allows me to not pay rent, eat all the food I want and not pay for it, etc.I will get well and then make decisions for myself.They all are to narrow-minded to appreciate the normalcy I have to offer. And to know my worth is the best holiday present I could ever give..to myself!
The only thing that appreciates a doormat is a pair of muddy boots!
"The only thing that
"The only thing that appreciates a doormat is a pair of muddy boots!" Never heard that one - very good. As I read I wondered why you're staying. If you're financially independent enough I wold recommend you leave. If not staying on and living for free seems a good idea since you've not got your mental state turned in the right direction.
You lived quite fine before you met this 'wonderful' guy and his family you'll do just fine without them. Congratulationg on seeing the light. The reactions will be interesting to watch - fill us in if anything of interest happens.
I am going to take my time.
I am going to take my time. It would be too much of an inconvenience for me if I were to leave in a rush, only to discover Im the only one uncomfortable as life will go on without me anyway. So, I will get well and Im suprised I dont have that underlying anger driving me this time. Im in no hurry cus Im disengaged and dont have any responsibility other than myself and my puppy.
Be kind to yourself and love
Be kind to yourself and love your puppy because the puppy will give you unconditional love. The most important person at the present moment is you and for a return of some happiness and contentment in your life. Focus on YOUR future now don't dwell on the past hurts as I know from past experience it just keeps dragging you down. Keeping getting stronger day by day, little by little, it is your life and you deserve to be happy without toxic people destroying you.
Feeling that rollercoaster
Feeling that rollercoaster again..part of me really enjoys not having the responsibilities of skids but that means I have also lost my spouse..but I should be honest with myself..I really never had DH as a partner because the skids always came first. Same story, Im sure you all have heard this complaint a lot. There are times I still hang on to the hope that DH will show an interest in my side of things.,,,,Im such a fool to even write this..sorry.
Hang in there. Don't feel
Hang in there. Don't feel foolish for reaching out for some understanding and contact. This is a good place to do so.
This community kept me sane last year till even now.
I am seeing a counselor now too just on my own to help sort out everything. Maybe my DH will go with me one day. But for now
it is a relief to know I have someone to talk to who will help guide me into a positive direction.
What kind of puppy do you have? My 'puppy' is snoring under my desk....she is a 14 yr old Cocker Spaniel. She still thinks she is a puppy!
Focus on the positive in your life....the moments that make you happy. Let the rest fall into place after that.
Sometimes you may even find yourself singing inside.
I sing this song when the bad thoughts are bugging me...
* "You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd....but you can be happy if you've a mind to...." Roger Miller
You can find it online. Secretely...I think of the skids as the buffalos :)!
Sundowner, reading this
Sundowner, reading this makes me cringe! Girl, why are you still there? It sounds like you definately don't belong in that household. I can see the skids excluding you, it's the nature of poorly parented skids-but your DH? Unexcusable and the kiss of death for a relationship. Maybe the selfish disregard of his spouse is part of why he was divorced before?
I would encourage you to see a counselor to help you make sense of this and find a way to put it behind you and move forward to a healthy relationship with somebody else. This atmosphere is NOT good for your mental health. Something needs to change and soon.
They want to treat you like a ghost or the invisible woman? Fine, then when you really do disappear, they can scratch their heads wondering what went wrong and why there isn't anyone there to carry their water and make life easier for them.
Disengage, but don't stay in that negative, hostile environment for one minute longer than you have too. Good luck!
Thankx everyone. Having
Thankx everyone. Having finally seen the truth, this is the 4th serious relationship that I have failed in. Looking back, I now know the reason why I followed a particular pattern of doomed relationships. The previous ones did not involve skids..so I really had no idea of the trouble coming to me on top of the bad choices I made.Double the doom!I am already looking for a counselor for MYSELF. I will invest in getting well..then make decisions. I will have to reinvent myself sorta speak. I know what doesnt work for me.
I tried very very much to belong to DH and skids life.I was always the outsider. They would talk to me usually when i spent money on them..price I payed to be included. When Id sit at the table for meals, I felt so alone..all the time. I would try to be involved or want their acceptance, but now, the desire has left me. I never bonded with them and DH would never"forsake all others". So, my own mind-talk keeps me going forward. I tell myself I am descent person despite the disregard they show me.They wont change,,so. I will.
sundowner ... I, too, have
sundowner ... I, too, have reached my boiling point. I am sick of feeling like a piece of furniture, just sitting here waiting to jump up if anyone needs anything. I threw up my hands and disengaged.
I feel that emptiness of not having much to do anymore, but then I realize I DO have much to do. I have two biological children who need me. I can finally give them what they're worth!
I also feel like if the family doesn't like this action, they can leave. I am resigned to the fact that they will either accept my lack of involvement and eventually realize why it happened or they will walk out of my life. I'm prepared for either, and quite frankly, I don't care which it is.
I have to deal with my own sanity and my children. Bottom line.