DH's famous words are "I'm not going to tell you again"
But he does. He tells them over and over and freaking over again!!! There are never any real consequences given for any of SS11 or SS9's actions. Every day they talk back, make rude comments, don't clean up after themselves or do their chores, and are just overall pains in the ass. And all DH says is "I'm not going to tell you again xyz" At what point does he realize that they know he's a pushover and they don't care what he has to say??
My daughter is allergic to nuts. The agreement, up front, was that if they were going to continue to eat peanut butter in the house that it had to be very carefully cleaned up and kept away from her. Unfortunately his kids are pigs and everything they do is a huge mess. So three mornings in a row this week SS11 decided to make his own frozen waffles and put peanut butter on them. He had peanut butter all of the kitchen - on the counters, smeared all over the sink, all over the dining room table, etc. Every morning I went out in the kitchen and freaked out on him and brought it to DH's attention to take care of. And every morning DH has told him "SS11 I'm not going to tell you again, if you're going to eat peanut butter you have to be very careful and clean up after yourself or come get us for help" I finally went off on him a few minutes ago. My daughter is trying to make her breakfast and there is still f***ing peanut butter all over the kitchen. I'm not going to let something happen to my kid because you don't know how to parent and your kid is a disgusting slob!!!! Do you know what DH said to me?? "I told him I'm not going to keep telling him. If he doesn't act responsibly I'll take the peanut butter away."
Great job DH. You are a stand up parent. You REALLY told him this time!!!! AHHHHHHHH
No more peanut butter, period
No more peanut butter, period.
If your husband was a decent parent, this would be the perfect teaching moment, teaching his kids about consideration of others and how their actions and lack of consideration could really cause harm to somebody.
Peanut allergies are serious and this is how your husband responds to hid kids' blatant disregard of others?
Bingo!! That's exactly what I
Bingo!! That's exactly what I have been trying to get across to DH!!!!!
Nope peanut butter needs to
Nope peanut butter needs to be out of the house. Give them a jar of sunflower or almond butter and they can throw fits about it if they want to. I'm sure they'll eat cereal or something else they're capable of making themselves also.
Halt! Or I will say Halt again!
Wasnt that a line from Robin Williams?
Monty Python
"STOP! Or I shall say, STOP again!"
If your daughter has
If your daughter has anaphylaxis in response to peanuts, GET RID OF THE PEANUT BUTTER. If her reaction is not anaphylactic and you feel your BS can eat it responsibly, then you lock it up somewhere and give it only to him to use and put back wherever you lock it up.
But you saying you "are about to take it away" is just as bad as DH saying "I'm not telling you again."
Just get rid of the peanut butter.
Her reaction to peanuts is
Her reaction to peanuts is NOT anaphylaxis. If that were the case it would never be allowed in my home or anywhere near her. The two times she ate it when she was younger she just started vomiting immediately. Still not good obviously but it's not that her throat closed up...
You might want to get her
You might want to get her tested, she may not be allergic at all, and then this is a non issue. But if she's not anaphylactic, then why can't they eat it? The real issue is that they won't clean up after themselves.
She has had extensive allergy
She has had extensive allergy testing done and has a ton of food and environmental allergies. To date, she has never had an anaphylactic reaction and her doctor said she most likely never will but that there's always a chance it "could possibly" happen.
Gotcha. OK then, bye-bye
Gotcha. OK then, bye-bye peanut butter! Almond butter is yummy too.
If someone came on saying that the BM said this about HER kid,
there would be eye-rolling
BM told us SS had dog
BM told us SS had dog allergies and needed a HEPA filter in his room. We bought one. BM told us SS had "exercise induced" asthma and gave us inhalers to use. We took them.
Turns out neither of those things were true, but we went along with it.
Not sure why you feel the need to always point out so-called double standards that exist only in your head.
Putting in a filter is a minor accomodation
That you CHOSE to do.
We will have to agree to disagree on this being a double standard, but then if OP had put all the facts in her OP, she might have gotten different answers.
Yes, I chose to do it even
Yes, we chose to do it even though we didn't believe he really had any allergies. He used it once, hated the noise and never used it again. Never showed any allergy symptoms either, at least not dog related.
OP CHOSE to allow peanut butter in her home until it become clear no one respected her daughter's allergies. Your point seemed to be that if a BM of a stepkid said the kid had allergies and there could be no peanut butter, that we would all roll our eyes. So I gave you an example of when we went along with a BM's request for allergy prevention.
Please clarify where the double standard is, thanks. Not having peanut butter in the home is not a MAJOR accommodation, by any means.
We wil have to agree to disagree
I dont think a filter is a big deal. She has had kid extensively tested and there is not a current serious problem.
And peanut butter IS a big
And peanut butter IS a big deal? And the allergist said there could be anaphylaxis? And no one cares except her?
This is what OP said doctor said
To date, she has never had an anaphylactic reaction and her doctor said she most likely never will but that there's always a chance it "could possibly" happen.
Again, if this were a BM complaining, I think the responses woudl be differnt.
Incorrect. If BM told us one
Incorrect. If BM told us one of my skids developed an allergy we would cater to that allergy. You’re being argumentative without evidence or fact to back you up. Completely ridiculous.
I said that we did do that,
I said that we did do that, but she said it didn't count.
Would you allow peanut butter
Would you allow peanut butter in the home if this were true for your daughter or stepchild?
Are you implying that it’s
Are you implying that it’s totally fine for OP’s skids to smear peanut butter all over the place despite her BD’s nut allergy, just because there’s no *current* anaphylactic reaction?? I hope you’re not serious. Anaphylaxis can always develop, it’s NOT something you risk. Not to mention the blatant disrespect isn’t ok on it’s own.
What exactly is the point of your argument, asides from plainly being nasty?
So should NO ONE be allowed peanut butter
Becuase it can always develope???
You obviously don’t read.
You obviously don’t read. They were allowed peanut butter, but they smeared it everywhere & didn’t clean up after themselves. So for that reason - and that reason ALONE - they can’t have it anymore. Tough sh*t. Be more respectful next time.
Her point is just to be
Her point is just to be antagonistic and claim imaginary biases.
If BM told us that one of my
If BM told us that one of my skids has developed a nut allergy, I would do everything in my power to remove nuts from the house & limit their exposure. I don’t know what you’re getting at. Health issues are health issues, regardless of whether it’s BM or SM’s child, and the parent allowing the destructive behaviour is in the wrong, whether they’re the SP or BP.
She just yells double
She just yells double standards with zero evidence.
I would take very jar of
I would take every jar of peanut butter and throw it in the bin. Every jar of peanut butter from that point forward would make its way into the bin until H & his feral kids got it through their heads that I wasn't playing around. Peanut allergies can be deadly, this isn't something I would negotiate on or apologize for. I'd be absolutely livid with my DH if he let his kids do this knowing full well there's a nut allergy in the house.
Clearly looking at the
Clearly looking at the responses I am getting I am just as much at fault as DH. I was just trying to compromise and not make everyone in the house suffer because of BD's allergy. My son has always been very responsible about it and I was hoping/assuming DH and SS's would try to be as well. Obviously that hasn't happened. I just texted my DH and let him know that since SS was unable to clean up afterhimself and he is unable to make him, I will be throwing out every jar of peanut butter as soon as I get home this afternoon and it's no longer allowed in the house at all. I wish there was a solution that easy to everything else DH lets these little nightmare kids get away with...
You aren't making them suffer
You aren't making them suffer, they've caused their own suffering by not cleaning up after themselves & not being held accountable by their permissive father. You've taken matters into your own hands (good. You should never compromise the health or safety of your own child), but it's after constant inaction on their part. Actions have consequences. Even without the anaphalaxis I wouldn't mess around with a nut allergy, not to mention the blatant disrespect from both your skids AND your H.
If your skids and BM
If your skids and BM are anything like mine, this will be the beginning of an ugly chapter. Be prepared for them to go crying to BM declaring that lack of peanut butter is akin to abuse and for BM to supply them with enough to feed a pre-school for a year to keep hidden in their rooms. Keep a sharp eye out, make sure your daughter is vigilant if her allergy is severe, and that she has an Epi-pen handy. I had skids deliberately feeding my dogs chocolate when I threw a fit about them leaving it laying around because their mother told them I was making a big deal out of nothing and they needed to "teach me a lesson." The dog was OK but became very sick and the vet bills were through the roof. And this was a dog that they actually liked. Kids are stupid and BMs are frequently both stupid and vindictive which is a dangerous combination.
Omg! Did they know how
Omg! Did they know how dangerous it is to give a dog chocolate??? I’d never let my pets out of my sight with them around after that. What horrid people.
I told them and their
I told them and their father told them. We brought up youtube videos in an attempt to "reach them at their level." But they still left half-eaten chocolate bars sitting on couches and coffee tables and other places where the dogs could easily get them. This was when they were early high-school to late middle-school. They just believed BM over anyone. When the dog got sick and I found out what they had done I took all of our dogs out of the house and stayed with friends. They were not allowed to have pets at BM's and until they literally begged to be allowed to have the dogs back with tears in their eyes and promised to treat them like gold they were never going to see them again. Eventually I came back with them and we did not have a single piece of stray candy after that. But that was almost the end of my marriage. It may not have been DH's fault directly but I could not live where my dogs could be harmed.
ASSuming is the problem.
ASSuming is the problem. When we have a child with an allergy we expect others to adjust and accommodate them because that's what we do as parents. Reality is nobody else is going to care as much about your kid as you are going to. So yes in this instance you are just as much in the wrong. Because you assumed DH's children and DH would care about your kids just as much as you do.
But that's the reality of steplife, they don't and never will.
There is no compromise on health issues
Throw it all out ASAP. That it for peanut butter
"I'm not going to tell you
"I'm not going to tell you again"
Tell your H the peanut butter is GONE until his kids know how to clean up after themselves and you're NOT GOING TO TELL HIM AGAIN......
Sunflower seed butter
Tastes almost the same as peanut butter. I’ve used it successfully for treats where a kid in class has nut allergies.
The problem here is the dad has not placed any consequences
he’s all telling them off don’t do it and how many tomes do i have to tell you but he never issues consequences.
if you do this again you will do lawnmow and tidy the garden, you do this again and you do all these listed chores before going to bed, you don’t do this and i will confiscate your electronics and he must follow through
I'd be a bit more pre-emptive
I'd be a bit more pre-emptive - "You've been told often enough to clean up after yourselves so you are going straight out to mow the lawn, do the weeding and tidy the garden. NOW! If this ever happens again, you will lose all your electronics for X time."
I agree with what you said. Problem is no consequences
Have been laid by the parent- the dad.
my son is anaphylactic to eggs and severely allergic to cat dander. Even residual minor contact with egg is enough for a severe rash to come on and swelling of lips and ears.
Sd’s aged 23.5 & 14.5 have been told do not feed my kids. If daughter gets it the residual contact is enough to flare up my son and she can touch him or sneak him those items. They actually had the nerve to tell me they would still give it but only a little or snuck it when i wasn’t looking.
toblerone chocolate has eggs, any chocolate with nougat contains egg whites. My sd’s have 3 cats and always have cat dander on their clothing and dumbass hubby hands our then 1.5 yr old son forcibly to them when clearly he was uncomfortable about it as they’re friggin strangers.
they were dumb enough to give chocolate they left in a hot 40 degree celsius car for 4-5 hours and give this to my 2 yr old daughter at her cousins engagement party. I was friggin livid and told hubby he better address this now.
dumbass hubby justified their actions as just being friendly in nature and their intentions pure.,. Really stupid hubby? You had your daughters cease contact for almost 6 years with their batshit crazy mum brainwashing them and the red flags are there all the time.
when sd’s saw me aggressively in a panic wipe all that melted chocolate left in the car for several hours off her face, they just sat in the back row all cool like they did nothing wrong. It made them happy they did something inappropriate to my kids.
i wanted to get my hubbys golf clubs and whack him in his you know what when he said that. I do not participate or attend even family events when sd’s are there
Let them eat sunbutter.
Listen... It's just peanut butter. There are a thousand other things the kid can eat.
I totally support you chucking all the peanut butter from the house. Your SS is old enough to know better.
Make sure he's not sneaking it into the house.
I also have a peanut allergy.
I also have a peanut allergy. As long as I don't eat it or directly inhale it I am fine, but I LOVE the smell and it makes my stomache grumble and I WANT it.
My DH found this:
https://www.vitacost.com/wowbutter-tastes-just-like-peanut-butter-toaste...
He gets his peanut butter and I get mine. He says there is no difference in taste unless you just eat off a spoon and then you may have an after taste of soy.