I had an issue with SD (then 12) & SO's niece talking about me via text constantly...they were very nice to my face yet bad mouthing me all the time to each other.

MIL & I had a conversation about it one day...it went like this.

MIL: But it's what girls this age do...they're only kids! (while wearing a big fat smile on her face)
Me: Is it okay when an adult behaves this way MIL?
MIL: Oh hell no! I hate women who are back biters!
Me: So why is it okay for KIDS to do it?
MIL: It's normal...
Me: Yes, I'm well aware of that MIL, but it's an adults job to teach kids what's ok & what's not...otherwise, they turn into the women who do it for a living...did ya ever think of that?
MIL: Ummm...no.

She had nothing to come back with after that.

My point...while children naturally start doing things (no matter the age, there are new things for every stage of childhood), it doesn't make it okay. It is a parent's job to say teach a child that it's not okay to cheat, that lying or stealing is wrong, that conflict can be settled without violence, that sharing is important, that gratitude wins over whiney spoiled behavior, that bullying is not to be tolerated...all of these behaviors are NORMAL for children, but unless they are taught that it's wrong, it will continue to grow & get worse.

I had this talk with SO many times...I've lightened up on some things & he's come to see the light on others. I think it would be an issue even if it were OUR children versus HIS...simply because he was raised differently than I was.

I get this also, in particular "you're an adult, she's a kid- you should know better." And knowing better or not taking them too seriously means what? Taking it in stride when we're treated like crap? Wearing the same blinders they do? Happily sitting by and watching the skids do rotten things as they grow into not-so-nice humans?

I don't actually have good advice...just commiseration.

I guess if I were going to armchair quarter back this one, I would counter with "Yes, they are kids, and as adults it is our job to help them grow into decent adults." I think I'm going to use that one next time.

Try: "Childhood is not an excuse for being a _____ (insert adjective: liar, thief, slob, asshole, etc)." And, "How long are you going to use that tired excuse for that charming behavior (insert sarcasm here)?"

But, know that I've been divorce 3x times so take my advice with a grain of salt and shot of tequila.

"know that I've been divorce 3x times so take my advice with a grain of salt and shot of tequila"

too funny

Yeah, maybe I should put a disclaimer with my advice as well...I'm doing such a bang up job