You do not need to be involved in any discussions. He can tell you what he wants and get your input, but you are not a Bio. These discussions are about their kids. All it does is muddy up the waters when the steps get involved.

If BM is a manipulative demanding bitch, as ours is, then it might be a nice IDEA, but in practice, having a reasonable conversation with such a person is not usually possible. My DH has pretty much given up trying to have any communication with NPD BM as it is just not feasible. Having a 3 way conversation with you involved - IMO - forget it! More stress than its worth.

Does BM have another partner? My DH is pretty much cut out of every decision about SD's life/up-bringing and BM is such a wh*re that even the very thought of DH trying to override her or tell her he doesn't agree with something is enough to send her into a fit. Contact with SD is normal, for the most part, but can also be switched/changed/extended (never really shortened, since BM is incredibly selfish and hardly around anyway) at the drop of a hat. DH wants to have a lunch with BM to talk about SD as they hardly ever do and BM texted back to say 'ok and [her partner] will be there as well'. DH was not happy, but too worried to actually object and just never made any arrangements for the lunch, but did say if [partner] was going to be there and he wanted me there as well. BM behaves better when I'm around bc she doesn't want to be seen as anyone ever getting one over on her. I have to do the cheek kiss thing with this b*tch.

So, I suppose it depends, really. If DH is getting cut out or is worried about getting cut out then you guys probably have to suck it up a bit, though I think 10mins/wk is a bit excessive. As far as you participating, I think that should be left up to DH. I've had more than one 'OUR daughter' thrown in my face by BM and it doesn't help the situation or the Skid. Good luck!

I agree with Trying 10 minutes a week for conversation seems excessive unless something in particular is going on. I think email each week sounds better and only call for emergencies or something that has to be discussed in person. Most everything regarding schedules, grades, etc. can be emailed. SS's BM periodically wants to get together to talk about SS so we allow her to come to our house to talk. That way she is on "our ground" and usually gets the hint when we are done talking. I stay in the room but do not contribute to the convo unless addressed. It also keeps BM from screaming at DH and for the most part from acting and saying inappropriate things to DH. (Ugggh) She does call occassionally but she knows I stay on the line too so that "somewhat" keeps her convo about SS. In my opinion, too much convo between BM's and DH gives these BM's too much lead way and does not give them appropriate boundaries.

dh and i have to do this because bm is delusional. she still thinks that he still wants her and is sharing something special with him when they talk about the kids.

i suppose they are...but she can't keep herself in check and she disrespects me so completely that we simply don't allow it.

i don't attend EVERYTHING the skids do and with dh now AWARE of her inappropriate behavior i don't feel a need to be involved 100%. but before i pointed this aspect out to him, he just didn't catch on...yeah i felt pissed all the time.

dh makes a point to avoid her and give her ZERO interaction. he might say yeah and ok...and give his opinion but that's it. he also puts her on speaker phone whenever i'm around and always let's it go to voicemail if he thinks it's her. if he thinks it's the kids then he picks up...however, it has been her a couple times. she won't communicate via email...but dh hasn't pushed it. they usually text each other. she's not happy about it, but it's her only option most of the time.

i just don't try to be quiet when he's on the phone with her. i might answer every once in a while, but i haven't started doing that either.

i know i have something to offer and contribute when it comes to the skids...but she's just not evolved enough to accept. fine...i let dh know what my opinions are and then he relays to bm.

it will just set her off...if you want her to back off your territory, then make dh aware of inappropriate behavior, have him put the cretonne on speaker and really...just keep things to email.

your dh does not have to engage in ANY long convos with her.

honestly, bm PISSES me off and i can't stand even the sound of her voice. it's like nails on a chalk board, she is HIS mistake...not mine. it's comforting to know her presence in any capacity annoys him as much as it does me!

sorry so long...but i struggle with this too!

she gets ZERO "private" time with dh! ZERO and now we are more bold about letting her know.

dh also makes a point to be pleasant, happy and by my side because any frown or somber face and she's texting...you just don't look happy...everybody says so...it's just annoying...she can't let go!

I do not give BM my opinion, she wouldn't listen so why give it to her. I do give suggestions to my DH and he can pass on to BM what he wants but he usually acts like it is HIS idea and not mine to her. No matter how great your parenting skills are BM will not listen and follow your advice unless she is a really rare breed. I listen on the line to convo's so I know what BM is up to and my DH suggested it. When we do have convo's with her in person my DH will say to BM "let me and NSWSM discuss and I'll get back to you". BM hates it but I love it!