You're not old. The only thing holding you back from a great and happy life, relationship, whatever is thoughts like that. But you're the thinker of those thoughts - and you can choose to think something else.

Why not - I'm ready to be free of this emotional roller-coaster!

I'm 40. Single. WITH FOUR KIDS!!!! Ages 1, 6, 8, and 10. I did a little experiment last month. I went on a dating site and put my profile and my pictures cause I most of the time feel like you do that I will never find someone and at 40 I think I don't to be alone forever. So in one hour, just one hour, I got over 30 messages and a lot were from decent men with careers that looked handsome and they didn't care about my age or my kids and that's all I needed to know. I deleted my profile.

I totally understand what you mean.... My DH moved out with SS16 approx 3 months ago and we married in April this year. It was for a combination of reason mainly being DH's inability to put me as his wife first and prefers to throw me under the bus in favour of his spoilt entitled ( but troubled) kids.... So we are currently dating as I couldn't bring myself to agree to have them both move back into my home and interrupt my peaceful existence I have with my beautiful animals and living on 5 acres of total tranquility. Seriously.... When SS16 was living FT 365 days with me, I was not myself and feeling constantly stressed. I felt like I had no say in my own home and DH continually backed his kid and made decisions without my input. Not parenting decisions... That's his job, but decisions that affected me and the peace of my home.

So no.. I prefer that I am on my own and as much as I hate not feeling married ( as he has totally removed connection from my financially) and he has moved everything out of my house and is renting his own place... I prefer this model then the model that emerged when we got married.

Good luck. Follow your own bliss and make your own life exciting. Don't put your life on hold for your Dh. It's your life too and it's up to you to make yourself happy... It's not DH s job.

Ps: I recently went away on my own for a weeks holidays to a tropical paradise... DH didn't like it but he knew he couldn't stop me. I'm very independent and seeing he couldn't join me as he needed to keep an eye on SS16, then I refuse to put my life on hold for him too. I'm not the parent and DH could have made the effort but didn't. I refuse to put my life on hold for DH too. And yes I had the time of my life. I actually cried when I had to leave as the place was sooooooo beautiful and I had such a wonderful time... On my own and met some amazing people. There is a life outside of DH and its up to you to discover it!! Xx

You are not old, I'm assuming you are able bodied, able to go to work, THAT is what is important, be grateful for that.

Why are you so scared of being alone? You need to take some time to work on yourself, maybe during the time your DH is at his mothers, go see a therapist, spend time doing things you love, enjoy being on your own. I loved being single, I traveled on my own and with friends at a discount, because I could just pick up and leave, I read really good books, I joined a hiking and skii club, I went out with friends to concerts and bars.

If you aren't happy being single, being just with yourself, how on earth do you expect to be happy being married? Why would you think marriage would make you happier, especially since marriage is WAY harder, not even adding in the step issues. I think if you work on yourself, you'll find contentment in being with yourself, and you'll end up in a much healthier relationship, where your SO considers your feelings, and decisions are based in mutual respect, because you simply can't and won't tolerate any less from him.

double post

Well you are older - no use in denying it. But it really doesn't matter. I married my DH in my 60s and he's a hottie who is a decade younger.

I rarely wear my wedding ring - not a ring person. I have guys hit on me all the time, and I'm really old - close to 70. Now I do not have young men hitting on me - that would be ultra icky - but lots of men from late 50s on up. My DH says that it would take me about 10 minutes to replace him. I'll let him keep thinking that - keeps him on his toes.

Sfter one divore and lots of frog kissing,I met DH the year I turned 43 and got married just after I turned 50. BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. And a great guy in spite of the Stepcrap.

Sfter one divore and lots of frog kissing,I met DH the year I turned 43 and got married just after I turned 50. BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. And a great guy in spite of the Stepcrap.

Sfter one divore and lots of frog kissing,I met DH the year I turned 43 and got married just after I turned 50. BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. And a great guy in spite of the Stepcrap.

Sfter one divore and lots of frog kissing,I met DH the year I turned 43 and got married just after I turned 50. BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. And a great guy in spite of the Stepcrap.

I have a slightly different situation where my DH has to spend many weekends with SS13 at his parents house because we live 3 hours away from SS and SS has all these sports activities over the weekend so we cannot go back and forth.

Sometimes I go with him, sometimes I don't. It makes me happy that SS13 leaves his tornado trail mess in MIL/FIL house and I get to keep a clean house and clean kitchen all weekend.

I posted plenty on here how much I agonized over not spending time with DH as he works nights and 12 hour shifts so we do not see eachother for much more than an hour during the week.

It worked out, if I don't go, I get a weekend to myself. If I go, like I said it's not my house, my kitchen, or my bathroom that he's making his usual messes in and MIL will get on SS's ass about it so it's worked out as best as it can.

Another issue I have with this situation is DH can't be going out to lunch and dinner all weekend or buying 200$ in groceries, we can't afford 2 households. And it's not fair to just crash in on the inlaws constantly even though they say its okay, and you can't always just eat all their food. It's tough.

What unutterable rubbish - "Maybe that tells me something too...if he wouldn't miss me and is happier being with his parents than me maybe that's the message I need to hear."

My H spent every second weekend at his parents house, to spare his son, our family and our relationship. He hated every minute of it and called me as well as messaged me all the time. I cannot begin to comprehend how women take their H's listening to them and acting on it, as them not wanting them.

How did you handle the situation? What words did you use, that your H thinks this is the answer? Why have you not had an open and honest talk with your H? What does your SD do, that is so bad? What counseling and options did you look at before this became the answer?

My H and I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt. The ONLY reason visits were taken out of my house is my SS is a danger to my daughters. So unless she is burning down her room, beating you or hurting your animals, this is not the answer. Look long and hard at how this transpired and give your H the benefit of the doubt.

We argued tonight and he told me that I'm wrong to say he's too permissive and he said that I'm a shitty parent to my boys. That really hurt me. They have made some mistakes but nothing major and nothing I didn't handle. They're hard workers, polite, and good mannered. I'm always getting compliments about them.
He just doesn't respect me or think I'm worth the trouble. I made a mistake marrying him and now I have to go through a break up and all of that. It feels so unfair but I'm not going to beg and plead.

The OP has responded with an update re her DHs reasons for making his descion. It seems they are both experiencing a conflict of parenting methods and value systems. So if they both can't compromise and support each other with regard to dealing with the kids ( both sets) when in the house hold, this marriage is doomed. I would suggest counselling ( for objective mediation) so they both can learn strategies to support the household. Both appear to parent their own kids regardless of the conflict that causes and no communication ( other than hidden expectations) is occurring.

Once he abandons the marital home it is no longer his home. So, apply accountability where it belongs for his actions. The first time he leaves to mommy's and abandons you and your marriage for the weekend with his spawn rekey the locks . His actions are indicative of his level of commitment. He has made his choice and his choice is to not make your marriage his priority. Rather than confront and fix his own ineptitude as a parent and the behaviors of his toxic spawn he is abandoning the marriage.

As for being 41… that is young and still largely of spring chicken status. You can make a new future for yourself at any time regardless of age so relish in the opportunity to start a new adventure to live your future. There is no reason to worry about being alone for the rest of your life. You have family, you have friends, there are infinite opportunities out there to make more friends and each of those opportunities is also an opportunity to meet a true equity life partner and soul mate.

Deep breaths and take care of you.

I hear ya. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes. To you try and make things work or do you say F*** it? Because on one hand you love him and don't want to leave..but on the other HE is actually leaving first instead of trying to work it out between the two of you.

I'm glad to hear youve reached a compromise. It will take work to stick to it too. Watch for things starting to slip again and perhaps suggest weekly meetings with DH to raise issues and discuss things before they get out of hand.

And as for having the weekdays... I'm actaully jealous as I don't have that myself. I'm lucky to even see my husband as he is living separately in a rental with SS16.... Long story. But be thankful you have something.

DF did what he had to, we took her there

Took her to where Monkeysee?

Im curious...I wished I had that luxury of not having SS16 FT....well I don't anymore but im not living with my DH. SS16 and DH live in a rental together. Long story but I agree in the whole "now skids have DH all to themselves. I felt the same about my SD21's manipulative behaviour. Alas my DH dosent see it so hence, I laid down boundaries which includes asking for a separation and possible divorce.