DH is the issue, always was.
I've had a few years off. But I always came here in times of crisis and found people who don't judge and could relate. Most of us end up here as a desperate last respite after googling. I've never posted on any other forum but this place was my guilty secret.
Anyway, I once read the book Step Monster by Wednesday Martin, she said it takes 7 years to feel integrated into the family unit. Here I am at 7 years deep and I'm happy to say I found that to be true. At least with my step kids.
They now give me Mother's Day presents, are polite and grateful and help me out with their younger siblings. I'm getting along with bio mum. Everything is easy.
what's not easy is the AH that is DH. It's made me realise (as many said before on my previous posts) that DH is the issue.
We now have two young beautiful bios, a baby and a toddler, and he is always running out the door so he doesn't have to "deal" with them. It's his right to come and go as he pleases, to not help around the house, to stop at the pub on his way home from work multiple times a week and miss witching hour, to not help with cooking, let alone out his own dishes in the dishwasher and godforbid turn the dishwasher on once in a while! He doesn't play with our bios, he doesn't want to go anywhere we used to take the skids like outings when they were little, he just refuses. All I ever hear from him is how good me and the bios have it to be under one roof and how ungrateful I am.
To me it's all smoke and mirrors to deflect from the fact he can't be stuffed with me or our kids. The younger skid now even sides with me and says he doesn't know why his father does what he does and acts the way he does. He's 8.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is, nothing more to confirm in all my issues the only real issue was DH. Be careful who you shack up with. Sometimes the first wife left for a very good reason! And now here I am thinking the same way she did - there must be something better out there for me and my kids.
I wouldn’t tolerate this and hubby playing out to be the
Victim. 3rd year of marriage i made it clear he had to re-evaluate his priorities in life because they weren't in he correct priority order or he'd be looking for wife #3 and she likely wouldn't sign up for this dysfunctional shitshow especially sd's.
he initially played the victim but i stood my ground. Hubby was being selfish and ignoring the fact i as a stay at home housewife needed me time too and I shouldn't be reqd to palm off my kids to a nanny or maid etc to have some free time.
at one point he wanted to hire a maid and i shut that down. I very clearly told him a maid would cause more issues and make him and his son think they could be even more lzy inconsiderate a-holes when the maid was there to help me out since we had 2 kids close in age.
it ultimately forced hubby and ss to grow up and share our household chores. At one point when our first born was 1 month old, ss had the nerve to tell hubby it was my job to do the household chores since i was a stat at home housewife which was laughable since his mother was a stay at home housewife and didn't do chores, she left it for everyone else to do and yet ss was trying to renegade me to beneath her.
i remember my husband straight away telling off ss that it wasn't my job to pick up after lazy inconsiderate men when i had a baby to take care of.
if hubby wanted me time or outings, he needed to ensure he had quality times with our kids. Falling asleep on sofa whilst kids watched cartoons and entertained themselves was not spending quality time
Frankly, I'd find a way to
Frankly, I'd find a way to leave him alone with the kids for an entire week. Kids are resilient, they'll survive, yoiur husband, maybe not
Has he always ignored the housework, etc? Or is this recent, i.e. since your children were born?
In an earlier post, you mentioned that you were working. Are you still working?
Consider consulting a lawyer. You're already doing it all, what's the point in having a husband like yours around? He's only adding to your burden.
Currently now working
Littlest is only 6 months old and we don't have anyone around to help watch her. She missed out on a place in childcare this year but will get something in 2024 so I will be able to work again then.
Yeah he's always been a pain in the arse with house chores and child rearing. He hates mess but somehow expects the place to be spotless all the time while I pick up after 4 kids plus one giant kid. Even tonight he finished his own dinner and goes straight to the lounge, no help with the clean up after 3 kids and baby have trashed the show. So I asked him to hold the baby while I cleared the plates and wiped the table down and that was met with a giant sigh and a sour face. Then I asked him to help me bathe the little ones and he was grumpy about that. I think he actually just doesn't care at all and is just happy to not help. He isn't lazy when it comes to anything else in life. Basically he doesn't care about me.
Ive given him plenty of chances to get out of jail free and said I have no issue with him leaving to live the dream as a single man (at almost 40 lol) and he just laughed it off and says don't be silly.
Lets be honest, it will probably end when I just pack up and leave myself.
He's not going to leave as
He's not going to leave as long as he has all his home comforts. Don't hold your breath and don't waste any more time. Life is too short and his crappy attitude is spoiling your life with your children. He's a millstone round your neck. He adds nothing to your life. Your children deserve better.
There is something better for you and your BKs. At least the SKs
have part of their lives without your problemeatic DH.
smh
So. nail his ass to the CS wall, retain custody, and get him as much out of your lfie and the life of your BKs as possible.
Retaining toxic in your life and the life of your kids is at least in part, a choice.
Make a different and better choice.
My DW did. She took her son and left SpermLand, the Spermidiot, and the SpermClan behind and did what was necessary to keep herself and SS as insulated from that toxic, shallow, and polluted gene pool as possible. Of course it was not possible to completely eleminate them from her life and the life of her son. But.... 7wks of SpermLand visitation in lieu of either staying in a relationship with the Dipshitiot or remaining in SpermLand with SS having to be polluted by that cesspool of idiocy on a EOW/EOWE or 50/50 basis is not even remotely comparable from a exposure to toxic perspective.
SS is now 30 and living his best life as a viable adult and a man of honor in his profession and community. Unlike anyone in the SperlClan. His Spermidiot spawned 4 all out of wedlock children by 3 different baby mamas. SS is his eldest.. and our only. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.
Realizing that DH is THE problem.... is a big epiphany.
Take care of you, take care of your children.
Good luck.
when you get to this point
the only thing you can do is play the LG - long game. Get yourself stronger and get him out.