Custodial SM about to have my own baby
Hello!
I have not been on ST for a while, but over the years this site has saved me 
Anyway I am back for more wisdom. I have two sks (boy 10 and girl 9) who live with us full time. They see BM EOWE right now, but in the past has been on supervised visits, and will likely be again at some point. BM has two other children (4 and 2). When those kids were born sks had a LOT of issues. Of course them not being able to see her much added to that, but most of the issues were that BM would leave my sks in charge of the children. When SS was 6 he was left home alone with the newborn and of course the newborn got hurt--- it was so horrible. Anyway as of now, the sks are still left in charge of the children, but they are much older. (we have tried to get cps involved and thats a whole other post)
I'm looking for advice on a few issues. 1. I'm super worried about how the sks will handle the baby. Both of them have horrible habits with babies, and it is so hard to be around them when they are. They will pick up random strangers babies, they have no boundaries, and really just don't understand. But also they have a sense of responsibility that was unfairly placed on them. 2. Is the emotional impact on them. They both have a lot of emotional issues with babies- SS has actually said that he likes coming home bc he doesnt have to "take care of X" or "listen to X scream"... He has a lot of anxiety and I know that he really enjoys the control he has over his life here- his own room, his own space, and he is simply a kid here.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any insight on how to get sks ready for this? We have involved them a lot in the pregnancy, they even went to the gender ultrasound... and we are doing as much of that type that we can. but I just worry its not enough
add to that the fears of me
add to that the fears of me loving this baby more, and them knowing it... I know they are worried about that too.
I'm a custodial SM who is due
I'm a custodial SM who is due any day now with my first bio.
I include my SS in the fun stuff regarding the baby, like toys, funny clothes, etc. He is expected to entertain his two other siblings with his BM when he visits. My DH and I have told him that his "job" is to just be a big brother and teach his new brother how to be a kid. We told him he isn't responsible for watching him, changing diapers, etc.
We also make it clear there is no favoritism. SS's BM plays favorites and it hurts my SS. We also make sure that my DH and SS go on "guy outings" (like parent-child dates).
Be a good example, but set boundaries too.
SD was asked to do a lot of
SD was asked to do a lot of thing for BMs other children so when i got pregnant she flipped. She didn't want me having baby. We just reiterated that it was not her choice but she was also not responsible for the choices her dad and i made. Once DS was born & she realized I wasn't going to ask her to change diapers, "keep him occupied", etc. she chilled out pretty quickly.
Thanks. Sks live here and not
Thanks. Sks live here and not with BM, so a lot of this I can already regulate (like shots) but the visitation stuff is a no. It's basically like having three kids- with added drama and issues. But I will take a lot of this to heart- I can take a stand
Agreed! I am a SM to 2 teens
Agreed! I am a SM to 2 teens (13) and a BM to an 8 month old. Not drawing the line early was a biiiiig mistake. I figured DH would stop being guilty dad and stand up with me, no, that lasted like two months. Draw the line yourself. Its been very hard, because they think I'm just being controlling when I say not to play with his binky, or no holding/picking up unless me or DH is watching because DS likes to throw himself backwards. I think it's all because I was scared to draw the line with them at the beginning.
Congrats on the baby! It's such a wonderful experience being a mommy