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Christmas advice??

ruthie's picture

Submitted by ruthie on Sat, 12/16/2006 - 11:59pm

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Hello,

I'm new here and found the site because I was desperate to find other people who hopefully where having the same kind of troubles as I.

I've been married to my husband going on 8 months. I have no children, he has 2 daughters, 16 and 18.

The situation has come up about Christmas where the BM has demanded and threatened (as in..my hubby and I will loose the relationship that we have with his daughters)that the kids will not be seperated on any holiday. That they have always had the family together on Christmas (unless my husband worked) and that just because there is a new wife in town that its not going to make a difference. I am now included in the "their family" and that everybody should be together as one big happy family on Christmas. Only, thats not the way I feel about it.

I feel that because my husband is now remarried and has a new wife/new life, he should be seperate from the ex. The kids are included, the ex is not. I understand with the kids, you have to deal with the BM, but to the point of everybody being together on every holiday?

Now, my stepdaughters will never be able to have Christmas with "my" side of the family because they don't approve of the BM being there.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill here? With Christmas so close, I'm afraid this might not be a happy and joyous holiday.

Does anybody have any suggestions or comments? What's the norm.?

Ruthie

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Sun, 12/17/2006 - 5:53am

Frankly, the only special occasion where I could see me being in the same room with my husband's ex would be a funeral. Hers. (Ha! Ha!)

I think the kids are old enough to accept that their parents are divorced and to understand what that means. So is your husband and his ex-wife, by the way. ;°)

~ Anne ~

OldTimer's picture

Submitted by OldTimer on Sun, 12/17/2006 - 9:33pm

But I don't think I'd be going to that either... lol.

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Sun, 12/17/2006 - 5:49pm

I’ve seen it go both ways…there is someone on here who initially was very uncomfortable with the idea of spending holidays with the ex but has come to terms with it and is doing REALLY WELL in my opinion with the fact that the ex is part of her new family. My mom and step mom(s) (long story) all come together often at my home for events Christmas, Thanksgiving, my graduation party etc…and they get along really well and there are never any problems or tension. None of them are resentful of the idea…I, however, do not see myself spending Christmas with my husbands ex’s…EVER! My husband is aware of that and supports me and my feelings on the issue…

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to who has the strongest feelings on the issue (you or your husband) and deciding who will bend which way based on those feelings and then backing the other on whatever decision is made…be it to do things separately or not..

Make a GREAT Day!

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Mon, 12/18/2006 - 10:56am

I have bouts with my hubby's ex. Feelings of jealousy and hatred and all the in between. Until recently.
My SK are 15 and 21 and wow its hard to take all the day to day stuff that is just not the normal stuff as a parent myself would put up with.
So lately the BM and I have been talking about the children and stuff. Which is good because in a lot of ways we are thinking alike. Like her she only got one side from her kids and I got all the info from my husband. So with her and I talking it is 1. good for the kids not only because they will no longer be able to say I am horrible and mean but it lets them know that we are ok and can still all be family with the divorce.
And not to mention my husbands life is going to be so much better for him. Because he will not have to repeat anything you know.
I think that in order for the kids to be as comfortable as possible that you going to there house for x-mas and stuff is a good thing. I hear and can sympathise with what you are saying totally. I do.. I would not personally want to spend any holiday with my ex.. But for my kids if they asked I probably would bite the big one and do it. There mom is opening her home to you as his wife and there SM. I say go its not so they can be together (ex and hubby) it is so there kids will still have some normalsy. Does that make sense? They are going to get older and totally have there own holidays and stuff eventually and things will be separated.
I hope you find your answer..
Happy