Its really rude of the SD to try to manipulate dad's life. Dad is married and that should be his priority. Until she makes it clear to him whatever her point is...it won't get better.

SD is being selfish and it destroys instead of builds.

Why isn't this child's father at the games? Was grandpa ever that interested in attending events when his daughter was young or is this some new version of the guilt game by the daughter? How far away do they live? If it is some distance I would think it a bit much for every weekend. If it was close by then Iwould just be glad I did not have to go myself.[I hate sports}

I think that Ruthie's DH really needs to set his priorities! How often does this occur? It's beyond time for the SD to stop being an entitled brat, DH really needs to bring her up to speed on a few things. He's married now, this is Ruthie's grand child by marraige now too. Of course, if this has been going on for years, and no one put a stop to it then only the one aggrieved is going to even think it's wrong!! I can understand why a person might not want another person in their lives, including their childrens' lives. I would not want to rain on the parade of joy for DH and new grand baby iether.
I found that I had to set my own boundaries with BM and SKids here, there's something that makes men spineless with kids and an ex, Guilt maybe? I am a big girl and I can stand up for myself! Maybe Ruthie could create her own bond with SD? Ruthie should explain how she feels to DH though, maybe it could ostensibly be that DH needs Ruthie to drive him there and she can stay and be polite...increasingly longer each time. It took years for the pattern to evolve and it may take some time for it to get to a point where everyone is getting along.

I have a long line of steps in my family. My gma was a second wife- and a step mother to relatively young stepkids (5 and 7)- his wife died. It is funny that she wanted us to find spouse's that didn't have extra baggage. She had issues with her skids right up until they died.

My grandfather on my mom's side remarried when I was 5 (my gma died when I was 4). All his children were adults, hers were teen to late teens. THey had two families. His and Hers. Hers had their own holiday parties that we didn't go to, and his had their that they didn't come to. He was always at hers.....she was rarely at ours but always invited. It was after my grandpa died that we realized that that shouldn't be. Now all family invites go from us to them.

My stepdad came into my life when I was pretty young 9ish. I didn't know his extended family until I was an adult (they lived in another state and weren't close). He was never at any function we had- basketball, football, whatever! I don't think he attended for his kids either- he was a workaholic. Fast forward to my daughter. He came to watch soccer, horse shows, he attended parent nights (guess where I was- work!). He saw this as his second chance of doing it right.

IF she loves her DH, I would chose to stay with my DH. During those times that he is with his daughter I would make my hair appointments, get my nails done, etc. I would ask how they are, and put up the pics of his grandkids. I would do this because I love my DH. I would not let SD have the control over my emotions to hurt me. Accept it and go on with her life. The only people that will be hurt by SD's actions will be her and her kids. Because when other grandkids come in to be- step or not, SD will then see what her kids have missed out on.

I wish your friend good luck. Stepparenting is something that is extremely hard to be successful at. I have not been but I watch my mom with her skids.....and her "step" grandkids....and wish that one day I will have that relationship. My family has learned to love beyond the boundaries- my parents showed me that for that I am grateful.

DH has really tried to include her but SD insists "No, daddy only!". BM goes along to some of these games too but DH doesn't have lunch with them when she is there.

Candylou - your friends DH has not really tried to include her - when SD say No Daddy only what is she 3 - tell ruthie that she tells her DH either we go together or you go once a month only - why should this bitch of a SD get all of Ruthie's weekends with her husband - if DH can't do this for his wife then it is his fault - if I had a SD like that I swear I would scream - I don't even know how you all who have SD's do it - they are horrible. But this SD needs to grow the hell up and let daddy love who he wants!!! SHe is a bitch and "daddy" is letting her be one to his wife. She cannot stop Ruthie from going and if I was Ruthie I would go and if SD makes a scene I would walk up to her and tell her if she ever wants her father to see another game she better behave herself - and then I would do everything in my power using whatever means to make sure that DH would not attend another game if she continued to make a scene even so far as threatening divorce - I know that seems extreme but this is an extreme situation that has been out of control for years and will take extreme measures to make it right again!!

That makes me want to vomit. It really does-we see this sort of behavior out of the children that we deal with and it is inappropriate at that age, but at least one understands it is a developmental stage in which kids priorities are only themselves. But at 30? She needs to stop thinking ONLY of herself and think of her child, her father, her stepmom.

Her dh needs to get his rear out of his behind and just bring his wife along or not go. Tell daughter, I am spending time with my wife that day-we can stop in and watch if you like? He needs to consistently tell her this each time she asks him to come. She will eventually understand that they are a package deal-if she wants a relationship with her dad and wants dad involed with grandkids then she needs to accept the stepmom.

This is on the DH. He has tolerated the behavior. He needs to put his foot down on this. She doesn't have to go every time, but she should certainly feel welcome enough to go. This is just a soccer game. I would mad as hell if every Saturday, my DH would leave me. No way. She needs to get a back bone and tell her DH to stop indulging his spoiled daughter.

I agree. Why has DH given SD so much power in his relationship? The problem here is not SD . .it's DH. SD has made it a mission to be rude to Ruthie by not including her and DH is going along with it. He needs to put his foot down and tell SD that Ruthie has been hurt by this exclusion and that while she may not attend every function, she should at least be invited to some of them.

Jelly back DH's who won't stand up to BDs (mine included) are pathetic and ridiculous. Ruthie's DH needs to tell SD that if she's not invited to any functions, he'll have to stop attending them as well. His allegiance should be to Ruthie . . not SD. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. It's time for Ruthie to put her foot down and demand the respect she deserves as his wife.

What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? Say Ruthie goes out and spends every Wednesday - all day - with her relatives or friends and leaves HD home. She can make sure he knows relatives or friends do not want him to take part, etc., even though their spouses are invited. Just wonder how THAT would fly!

Frankly, if SD didn't want me around I'd be jumping for joy but if this is a weekly occurrence it is too much. I agree with Caregiver. Once a month is plenty. Ruthie will have to insist HD spend more weekends with her. Hopefully HD will have enough respect for his wife enough to do so.

Oh sure, but you better tread lightly on that one - iow, don't get too attached to them because there are too many ways they could suddenly be out of your life forever.

He needs to put a stop to it and not let his grown daughter push him around.
That is just insane, that he lets her be first. When you are married, your spouse is too come first. Not sure what happened to that with step families. You are to leave your mom and dad and cleve to spouse. What is the difference, if you are divorced or married someone who is and or has kids. The Sd needs to grow up as well.
Do they even think about the hurt that they are causing others?

My opinion is that if we were retired and he spent one day a week with his daughter and grandkids  (hypothetical because his live in another state) then I wouldn't mind. I could sleep in, get coffee and read a book. 

But my husband is mostly retired, still picks up some side jobs but I work 50 hours a week.  That together time is precious and I wouldn't stand for SD hogging it all. 

Oh man. This is from a decade ago. I hate it when I forget to check before I comment.