Can't stand my boyfriend's daughter
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9+ years, living together for 6+ years. He has 2 daughters, one who is 11 that I would consider a 'normal' kid and a 14 year old who is one of those kids who is extremely abusive (yes, physically and emotionally) mostly to her mother. Her mom always gets my boyfriend involved (I'll call him 'Ray' from here on out) as well she should as he is this child's father. This 14 year old girl has been spoiled and manipulative for as long as I've known her. Here mom is bi-polar and thinks that the daughter is also. I think the daughter is spoiled and manipulative. Whichever, this 14 year old child is the 'boss' at her mom's house and smart enough to not try to pull off as much drama when she is with us. Over the years we have lived together, she has ruined just about every weekend she has been here with tantrums over where we go to eat, etc. She is now dating and sexualy active. She and her boyfriend fight constantly. Usually when she fights with him, particularly when she is at her moms house, she will get extremely violent towards her mom, mom's boyfriend, and her sister. When this happens, we usually get the extremely disruptive call and screaming between my boyfriend and his daughter will ensue for hours. I have learned to walk away because as I have been told, I have no say in this. This past week she threatened to 'take out' her mom's boyfriend, and of course the call came to us. Her father and mother both agreed that she would not be seeing or talking to this boy anymore and took her cellphone away. This was on Sunday night. By the following Tuesday, she not only had her cellphone back, but my boyfriend had purchased a new cellphone for her upcoming birthday. The thing is that this scenerio has happened at least 5 or 6 times already - the severe, violent disruption to all our lives, the no boyfriend/phone rule, and the getting all these things back within 2-3 days following these violent encounters. When I make a comment or try to talk to my boyfriend to let him know that this is abusive behavior on this kids part, I am told to butt out. (and if you google 'teenagers abusing parents' the profile fits to a 'T'). So this will most likely repeat itself. I'm at my wits end and I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this, but I love every other aspect of my boyfriend and honestly, I can't afford to leave for at least another year or so. This situation is breaking my heart because this kid is going to be really screwed up and the rest of us are going to continue to go through these episodes. Does anyone else out there go through this?
I haven't gone through this
I haven't gone through this but I do have a few comments. You know.. 14 is a tough age. I remember it as the worst year at school. But the fact of the matter is... she is still a child. She should NOT be sexually active. She should not have a cell phone. When you give children responsibilities and freedom, they need to be earned. She obviously can't handle such things so she needs them taken away. She needs to be told that these things are privileges (not the sex part). I'm sorry that you are going through this, but honestly what you are dealing with are two bad parents. and I'm really not trying to insult your boyfriend. But your job as a parent is to direct your children in the right direction. And when you let them get away with this behavior, they will end up in jail at 18 and nothing you can do about it. That's not good parenting. What they need to do is every time she gets violent, call the police on her. It's not acceptable. Maybe going to CRC will do her some good. Because with he behavior, she's going to end up in jail. And honestly he needs to do something to keep from losing you. Because I'm sure you want to respect your man and know that he's going to be a good father if you have children together some day. Do you want your child to end up this way? Because it's both birth parent's fault she is the way she is. Half of it is him...