Another day, another fight......
My dh and I got into a fight about kids last night, that is really the only thing that we fight about. I got home from work to find that my bc did not do their chores and my dh let them leave the house. So I called them and they came home and did their chores. It seems like he doesn't stand up for himself he lets them walk all over him as well as my sk's. I don't understand why my bc run over my dh about chores, they don't usually do it with me and if they do I put them in their place and they do their chores. Sometimes I think they give him such problems because they see the way he lets his own children act. I reprimand them everytime they give my dh greif, but I feel like it is useless because he lets them get away with it. Then I told my dh I did not want my bc to turn out like my sk's, sneeky and manipulative. I confronted him about how he is so different when my sk's are here as to when they are not, his response was "well maybe I just don't want my kids anymore" I was in shock, it is such a cop out to not have to stand up to bm. In someways it would be easier on our household, the emotional rollercoaster would be gone. Why is it so hard to come to a happy medium when it comes to the bm and sk's, is it really worth giving up what little relationship dh has with his children? I know I am so tired and drained of having to deal with the conflict of bm and sk's and their desire to wreak havoc on our home. Is that wrong of me to wish that they would live with their bm and my dh just go visit them?
How old
Are your skids?Maybe its time to have a family meeting and let everyone know that the rules are followed by everyone.Maybe it would be good if skids went to live with bm for awhile to get a break on your marriage.Let them come over eow or every weekend.If it is causing havoc it is unhealthy for your marriage and the kids.If your dh is going to continue letting this happen someone has to step up or it will take a toll.
He just doesn't know how to handle conflict
I remember now, you said he is very passive. That can be sweet but it can be a cop out too! He needs your encouragement I think to continue a relationship with his kids if he possibly can.
I don't think you are out of line to ask him to see them somewhere else, if they cannot behave in your home. I think he is trying to make you happy which is absolutely correct!!! but doesn't know somehow how to stand up to BM.
Can't he just take them out to eat, then take them back to BM and let that be their visit? Surely as they get older they will be better behaved?? But he does need to continue to try if he possibly can, it sounds like they need another influence other than BM and that does not mean you!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
My sk's are 12, 10 and 7.
My sk's are 12, 10 and 7. The 7year old doesn't come to our home, he makes it very clear that he does not want to be there. My sd(12) is the one that has been causing major drama in our home, mainly telling my kids the hateful things the bm says about me. We have had at least 1 family meeting a month where we sit down with all of the kids and talk about problems. And my sd still keeps doing it. She is making it very hard on me wanting to have a relationship with her or even have her in our home. My sk's are here every Wednesday and EOW, so not that much but when they are here it is such a roller coaster, and my dh and I fight when they are here and after they leave. I have been with my dh for 4 years and married 2. We had sk's full time until a year ago. We seemed to do ok until we got married, then all hell broke loose. And our marriage is really strained. I have told him to grow some balls, he cannot let his ex run our lives. He told me that he talks with the kids everytime he gets them about how to act and how not to act and what is appropriate to say and not. That is why I think sd is being a troublemaker, she is old enough to have gotten through her head by now. I am standing my ground on this one....if she says anything to my bc about what bm says about me then sd will live with her mom, no skin off my back!!!! And if he cannot live with that then I guess our marriage and our family is not important enough for him.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."
I hate to say it....but
I hate to say it but that is what I think would be best. I feel as though I am totally out of options. BM is out to make life hell, and I cannot stand that.I have one down, one half way there and the other I can live with her. I still find myself so angry about this whole situation. I am having a really hard time putting it aside.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."