Almost 2 AM and I'm now irritated! Opinions?
Yeah it's almost 2 in the morning and I'm simply irritated as usual. I'm waiting for the day I go through my FDH's cell phone and I *don't* see texts that piss me off. I don't know if this is my imagination or not so I would love to hear what everyone has to say. Quickie: I'm engaged to my BF and we live together, and he has an ex-wife and they have three kids together. She went all psycho one day and said to him how she was still in love with him. He blew her off and then she turned her evilness onto me by saying they had sex.
They were texting back and forth about how FDH wants to buy a beat up car for his/their 16 yr old. Tell me if this text conversation sounds a little out of whack or not. Like if something was deleted so I wouldn't see it:
BM: People always tell me what a good and involved parent I am to your children. I should be rewarded.
FDH: Oh. Ok.
BM: Ur too kind. I'll send u my list
..FDH didn't respond.. They continue to talk about what she got for the kids for Christmas. I can't really go by the times to know if something was deleted cause these texts were sent while he was at work. So it texts when he can.
Does anyone feel that MAYBE FDH deleted a text right after she said she should be rewarded? Cause why else would she text back, "Ur too kind. I'll send u my list"? Is it my imagination? Am I turning into a crazy psychotic paranoid fiance??
I'm so irritated that it's turning into full blown pissed off. I flipped out on him about Christmas morning.. about talking to BM waaay too much. I got fed up so things have changed.. well I hope. I told my FDH about the Santa Clause video messages I found on here.(Thanks to whoever posted it. It was adorable!) Anyway I said it would be a great idea if he made a video from Santa to his two youngest. He did. They loved it. She says, "Oldest daughter sent me the videos had to leave for dance so didn't get to see middle daughter's yet but youngest daughter's is so adorable... not sure why u couldn't send them to me. Must be against the rules." And he's another irritating one.. "Youngest daughter just asked us if "dad is coming to our house" on Christmas morning. I said no, not this year......it's a shame its like this now.(she puts a sad face)."
I'm annoyed.. fed up.. and all that wonderful bs. Then I hear how I'm spending New Years Eve with the kids. Not that it's a big problem.. but really, can't he ask me beforehand, c'mon.
Does anyone else feel that maybe a text was deleted in between there (about the whole "rewarded thing"? Cause I do..
It really could go either
It really could go either way, but unless you are noticing regular gaps in conversation, I don't think anything was deleted! I think that she was making a sarcastic comment because she was fishing for compliments, and he didn't give them to her.
Thanks, JoJo! I was thinking
Thanks, JoJo! I was thinking the same thing and didn't want to piss anyone off. I would never dream of reading my DH's text messages. He would show them all to me if I asked and even if I did read them, he would be ok with that because he has nothing to hide. But I trust him implicitly. He would NEVER do anything to hurt me EVER. If I had even the slightest doubt about this I never would have married him because after my first DH, I wasn't going to put up with anyone's crap ever again.
It makes me sad to read how many people have so many issues with the SO's. If things are so bad, if you don't trust him/her, if you have to go through their private messages, then maybe there isn't enough trust or love between the two of you and maybe you should rethink your entire relationship.
Sorry, not trying to piss anyone off here, but I don't get it.
I'll be 100% honest with you
I'll be 100% honest with you - I definitely have trust issues with him and he knows I do. I brought it up more than once and last time was only two nights ago. A lot of little things were bothering me and I broke down and told him that, "I don't see us ever getting married because I don't trust you." And that's the truth. I WILL NOT further this relationship anymore if I can't trust him. I keep thinking this isn't going to last. When I told him I didn't trust him, he said, "You just have to trust me." I told him, "Words aren't good enough." And really, words aren't good enough but I don't know what is good enough. I don't know how to rebuild trust. I told him to look at everything he has done and to look at everything I have done (which I didn't do anything for him not to trust me unless you want to say me going through his phone) and to compare it and that will show him why I don't trust him.
I really do love him then again I'm not dumb enough to keep myself in this trust-less relationship. I feel like I'm bipolar. Happy one day, unhappy the next. We have a great relationship minus the ex. He's so fed up with me saying that I have a problem with his ex and he's fed up with his ex fighting with him about all this too. She makes comments as the ones above about "rules" and "I think we reached our text limit for the day" and straight to, "It's sad you choose your insecure girlfriend over your kids." (I wanted to say back to that, "Insecure? Did you not just say a month ago that you slept with my fiance and tried to ruin our relationship?? We have every right to keep you out of our lives.") It seems like a constant battle, half of which is in my dang head because I'm sick and tired of voicing it.
It sounds a LITTLE fishy but
It sounds a LITTLE fishy but it also sounds like BM might have been being sarcastic by saying "youre too kind" after DH said "oh.ok."
I agree with jojobo44 though: if you have no trust, why bother w/this guy??
I think if you read that in a
I think if you read that in a trusting state of mind, you would think, like I did, "ha, he totally blew her off". But you're not in that state of mind, so you could be looking for things that are not there.
I was in a similar situation once. I realized that it would not end unless I knew what WOULD make me trust him. That was incredibly difficult to pinpoint (and actually had much more to do with how he treated me)... Until that happened, it would be a world of suspicion, assumptions, etc etc that would ultimately make me miserable. When I figured it out, I told him (in detail) what I wanted him to do to earn my trust him again. He did, and I held up my side of the bargain. But at that point it was more a matter of choosing to trust him because he was trying.
Just my opinion as I don't have the whole story - but you may be playing into her hand here. She made allegations that, although it seems you don't believe, planted a seed (or seeds) of doubt. Every time you read his texts or do other investigating, you're sewing the seed instead of killing it. Pay attention to the things he does to EARN your trust and give him the benefit of the doubt when you have that option. You need to do that if you want to trust him again.
If you don't want to trust him, then you never will. Consider that carefully, sister! Sometimes when we want things to be over (even subconsciously), we look to stuff like this to take the burden of ending it off of ourselves. I know I have.
I never ever ever even glance
I never ever ever even glance at my Hubby's phone or computer. What I don't know can't hurt me!
I feel like it is an invasion of his privacy. He has to have his own life, with his own thoughts, feelings, and private conversations without me interfering.
My first husband had to monitor everything I ever said or wrote, and it made me feel like I was a prisoner.
Ease up and trust the man,or set him free. Your life will be a lot easier without your butthole being puckered over his every conversation.
Like Echo said, I clearly
Like Echo said, I clearly don't trust him. I trust him in other aspects just not this one. Months ago when I found out he had been sneaking to text her I asked him how much he was talking to her. He said rarely and that it was only about the kids. I felt that what he said was a lie and that’s the drive that forced me into looking through his phone and my intuition was right. He lied. They were texting every day. I think at one point it was over 200 texts in like two or so weeks. There’s no excuse for that! It sure as hell wasn’t all about the kids. One was about how they all went out to eat for Father’s Day. Did I know about this? NOPE! And absolutely, he would flip out if I was sending that many texts to an ex of mine. But as StepAside said, he felt he got a free pass because they had kids together and BM thinks the same way to this day. I don’t feel bad about going through his phone because if I didn’t things never would’ve changed or attempted to change. It wouldn’t have been talked about. When someone has to hide something from someone that just means he/she is doing something they feel is wrong and that makes the other person suspicious. Sure, I invaded his privacy but I felt I had no other choice because obviously he wasn’t coming clean with just a conversation.
Vichychoisse – You are so right. I don’t really believe what she said about them sleeping together but she absolutely planted a seed in my brain. And that seed is driving me nuts from time to time.
The reason I’m still with him is for once I think he’s trying. He tells me over and over he wants to be with me. I try to trust him, I do, but it’s hard because I have that little voice in the back of my head saying something’s not right and probably most of that is paranoia due to what BM said. I just wonder when that voice is going to go away or how much longer I can keep trying. Maybe part of me wants him to show me a text one day that says to BM that he doesn’t care to know what goes on in her life because he has his own life with a woman he loves and is planning on marrying. But instead he ignores her random texts about her life. I guess that’s good too. I’d just like him to say that to her one day to show me he’s standing up for us.
i agree-you don't have a
i agree-you don't have a relationship for the right thing, why would you give a damn that bm texts him and there's periods where no texts were sent MAYBE he WAS working???
think you need to hold off on getting married or marriage is doomed for failure
maybe he IS texting her-another reason why you shouldn't marry this guy??
either way, marriage doesn't seem like a good idea right now