adding a baby to the mix
Most of my reason for posting this here has nothing to do with stepfamilies, but moreso with me and my work situation, but I have no real other way to ask for other people's advice/thoughts because no one else understands my situation and they just think its absolutely insane for me to want to add a baby into the mix.
With that said, I (like most women, I'm pretty sure) want to have my own child. I love my stepchildren very much, but they have their own mother. I did not even know them when they were babies and so, I want my own child(ren) to see into this world and to love and take care of the way I think is best and to have them call me mommy and to see them grow up and do all their "firsts."
Anyway, the stepfamily situation is of course complicated, but that's a given. It always will be and I don't want to wait any longer thinking it will ever get easy. I'm 30, DH's 36. The skids are already 7-18 years old. My concern is work. I would really like to start trying to get pregnant this summer, but I'm also trying to start my own business, which I'm hoping to open by the end of this summer. Is it absolutely insane to want to be pregnant at the same time I'm taking on another huge responsibility like that?
A lot of people seem to be telling me lately that there will never be a "right" time, and emotionally, I have been ready for awhile. (Financially not so much)...
What are your thoughts on this?
I'm one of those in the camp
I'm one of those in the camp of the-longer-you-wait and the-longer-you-think-about-it, the more you'll figure you're not prepared especially financially and time-wise.
Like you, I was emotionally ready. I quit my job to get married to DH and move to his country. Just had my baby a couple months ago. We've had some major financial setbacks, we're living with in-laws and we're living so frugally it's insane. But you know what, I wouldn't change it for the world.
That said though, I agree that you need a plan of some sort esp. regarding money/insurance as Stepberg mentioned (baby doesn't come for free) and timing (so that you have at least 3 months to spend with baby without too many work distractions before heading back to work full time).
If tomorrow you woke up and found out you were pregnant, no doubt you'd figure out a way to balance baby and business in a way that you'd be happy with. Good luck!
"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can."
— Little Engine That Could
Rubia - I am 38, my DH is 39
Rubia - I am 38, my DH is 39 - we just had our 1st together (8 months old) - my SS is 16, with a lot of issues - I mean MAJOR issues. Now was not the right time for us to have a baby, BUT - I was told 4 years ago I would never be able to have a child of my own. They took me off birth control and everything.
Well guess what - my DH must have had the good seed! I was pregnant, Dr's even encouraged me to abort because of the "possibilities". I had always wanted to be a mom and to me, no matter where my career had taken me, the risks involved, the additional costs - there must be a reason why I was pregnant against all odds. I am a firm believer in "where there's a will, there's a way". When you want something bad enough, you'll find a way to make it work - everything else is just "minor details" in the big scheme of life!
I'm happy to say he is healthy and very happy - and the light of my life (of course next to my DH)! We've changed our lifestyle, our spending habits, and I've changed how many hours I put in - and wouldn't have it any other way. And guess what, my career hasn't suffered at all. In fact, I've become more focused when I'm working because there is a hell of a lot more to work for now. I work smarter, not harder.
Life is not about careers, money and stuff. No one is promised tomorrow - think about what you really want out of life. If you wait until everything is "just right" for anything, you'll always be waiting. I hope this helps, and I wish you well.
Do it! I am going to be 30
Do it! I am going to be 30 when my baby is born (I just found out).. I also am starting a business as well.. you will find a way to make it all work.. trust me.. stop thinking about it. God will find a way to make it all work for you.