I agree w/ you. It would be nice if he included your daughter. However, father's day is to celebrate the father, not the kid. I wouldn't push dh too hard on this issue as I think this (wanting to spend time with your daughter on his day) should come from the heart.

From the perspective of a childless person (who is not married), I would say that I'd rather spend time with my own child on such a day. I would resent being pushed to spend time with another child if I had no interest in doing so.

However, it sounds like your BF made a different agreement with you, and if he agreed to be a father figure, he should be true to his word. You may need to have a conversation with him as to exactly what he expects his responsibilities toward your child to be. It is bad on his part to lead you to believe that he can provide certain things for her, and then go back on what he said.

Look at it this way ... in 2 1/2 weeks he WILL be your daughter's father. It's father's day and he should be spending some time with his future step-daughter. Can't he take her with to the amusement park? If not, he should make some time either before or after the amusement park to spend time with her. And in the future, he really should mention to his BD that he can't go to the amusement park anymore unless your daughter is invited to tag along. There are lots of other things to do on father's day that everyone can join in on.

Why can't you all go to the amusement park together?

spunki has a great idea ~~ should satisfy everyone..

and i agree with stepkate, making him spend the day with your kid is not right...

plus the amusement park is a gift from bd to her dad, it wouldn't be fair to take that away from her. and bd lives with bm and your daughter lives with both you & fdh full time..... i wouldn't start a fight over this one.....

If your FH wants your daughter to respect him as a father-figure, he needs to respect her as a daughter-figure. In my opinion, this means sharing Father's Day. If his daughter is 19-years old, she's old enough to understand. She may not like it, but she's old enough to understand. If they can't take your daughter to the amusement park with them, maybe they need to make different plans.

I guess to me (as a guy) this isn't as tough as it sounds to everyone else.

Were I in this situation I'd call my teenager and say "hey kiddo, let's do something really cool. Jane (whatever your daughter's name is), feels awful on Father's Day because her dad doesn't have any contact with her. I love you and I want to spend Father's Day with you because you're my baby, but I think we could both make it a special day for everyone if we included Jane. She's young and doesn't understand and needs to have a male figure in her life too. If you really want to give me a great Father's Day, you'll invite Jane yourself and show me what an understanding, KICK ASS daughter I've raised. That will make me proud. When I married kitkat00 I married her daughter too, and kitkat00 married you too. We're a little unusual at this point, but we're a family and this would REALLY make things between you and kitkat00 great and it would change Jane's whole outlook on the family too. If you don't want to do it I'll understand but I think it would be a special sacrifice by you, and you can bet I'll make it up to you on some later weekend."

Yup. That's what I'd do. Maybe you can mention it to him...

My personal opinion is that it's not your bf's fault that your BD's father doesnt want to be in the picture, and since he has his own BD, it seems that he should spend father's day with her...BUT...what I would do doesnt matter in your situation. Bottom line is, you and your future DH need to lay it all out on the table regarding expectations of his role with your daughter. This is critical.

Clearly he has at minimum led you and your daughter on, that he is going to be the father figure to her. So if that is the case day to day, then it should carry over into Father's Day and his 19yo ADULT child should "get" that. It almost seems a bit manipulative on her part to even do the amusement park as a gift, because clearly, the dad and 19yo kid cant exactly take a 9yo third wheel around the park. We live close to Cedar Point and I know how this would go.

I seriously would figure this out before the wedding if it's ultimately gonna be a dealbreaker. Good luck!

As the devil's advocate I am, she hasn't seen her bio-dad in 1 1/2 yrs...you have been w/this man for 7...people don't stop seeing their kids because they want to, but because of the drama that comes with it...if he didn't care, he wouldn't have seen her since the day you split. Why instead of attempting to make your BF assume a father duty, you don't spend that time having your daughter get a card for her bio-dad? Why don't you call or write bio-dad and let him know that his daughter needs a relationship w/him and that you won'r interfere? Sorry, but I have seen so many women who re-marry and focus on their new man having a father relationship w/their kid while doing what they can to keep their kid from having a meaningful relationship w/the bio-dad...

If you & FH have discussed him sharing Father's Day with your daughter & he agreed, there's no reason for him not to follow through. He accepted the deal.

who is really upset here ~ you or your daughter? and are you upset b/c it's father's day or that you & bd aren't invited to the theme park??? why don't you all go and when you get there bf & bd go one way and you & your bd go another and meet up for lunch... or take your bd somewhere she wants to go. i'm sure a 9 yr old would prefer to have a "her" day than tag along with adults all day... and truly it's a hallmark holiday -- make up your own sdad day and bd can have him all to herself then....

I liked Spunk's idea. You can share Father's Day. Give him the time to spend with his bio kid and you and your daughter prepare a barbeque or dessert or both and share as a family: husband, his BD, wife, your BD. How nice that would be.

PS in case you believe "dad doesn't make an attempt to be a part of her life, why should I?" fact is, neither is your bf and yet you seem to work diligently to make them be closer...

Fine, it's your responsibility to be the mother...then why are you making it a priority for you BF or DH to treat her as his child? Because you love your BF or DH you want your child to love him too...but you no longer love bio-dad so you don't want your daughter to do it either.

If you truly felt you are mom and that's your only job, you would not care if your BF or DH treated her as his child.

This is the deal it is FATHER's DAY not kids day and not their birthday. what worked very well for my husband who is the sf to my three girls is that he took them out for a great day of makeover's the first time. It was a great bonding time and it took the pressure off the situation because he focused on things that he knew that they would like he had taken the oldest to her favorite ice cream joint for the AM snack on the way, followed up with the 2nd oldest favorite lunch place and then the PM junk food hang out of the youngest. In between he got their hair done, he of course had to let them choose how to have his done. Got nails done next along with a pet. for him which the girls still giggle about and then since he was out of money for new outfits they each got to pick out a new beach towel which after 8 years they all still have. He then came back and took the boys out for "rootbeer" and golf allowing the "boys" to "drive" the golf cart, went fishing with the picnic lunch that they had helped make including fried chicken and rhubarb pie. They did not make it back home until almost midnight. It has now become a tradition and our oldest 2 have graduated but still come home to have a day with SD. We wanted a family who is truly blended and this gave me time as SMom to the boys to fix his favorite meal, polish his clubs, clean his truck, make decorations and cards for dad to let him know how much we appriciate what he does for us as a FAMIlY. Just an idea that has really helped to bring us closer as a family.