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Feeling a little hopeless!

meganlea's picture

Submitted by meganlea on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 1:02pm

This morning in my desperation to find someone in the world who may be feeling the way I do I stumbled across this site. FINALLY women, who understand how I am feeling.

After another HUGE fight with my fiance over what seems when I repeat it back to myself to seem so ridiculous, immature and jealous about my 5 year old step daughter. I am engaged to be marreid in January and I am at a point where Im not sure if I can survive. I constantly feel alone, I feel like I am second place and feel in competition with a 5 year old. And i hate how ridiiculous I feel. Last night as I stood to the side while my fiance held his daughter and watched the 4th of july fireworks - i have never felt lonelier. I never expected to meet the man i wanted to marry and feel so neglected and lonely. I am from another country so I moved here to be with him, and ever since i feel like my life completely revolves around his "little family" I resent the fact he has a child, and although he tries to make me feel comfortable, when I feel this way I want to turn and run and never look back. I love him but I dont know if im built to handle this and its not fair on me or them? I love him but I feel like I will neverfeel ok. I am 24 I have no kids and my life has changed so much Will it get better when we have kids? and there is some attention on that family? our relationship? my mother in law couldnt care any less about my wedding, our relationship and this should be an exciting time - but its all about my SD. Does it get better? Do I just need to grow up and stop being over sensitive?

Confused.

notsure420's picture

Submitted by notsure420 on Thu, 07/07/2011 - 1:44pm

I know how you feel. I have two step sons and it seems like everytime I want to have time with my wife I have to work around them. I know it sounds selfish but it puts a very hard strain and takes its toll on a relationship. Try talking to him. I talked to my wife and at first she was about to be out the door. I got the classic "you knew when you met me" and "my kids come first". Just be glad that he supports your SD. I support my SS's and it takes a toll on me everyday. I can not remember the last time I did anything for myself. Don't make my mistake, talk before you go anyfurther. Good Luck.

darned confused's picture

Submitted by darned confused on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:55pm

Megan, think long and hard about marrying a man who has a ready made family and u r not bringing the same baggage. If u resent this child now, you just may be setting yourself up for failure. Absolutely talk to your fiance about this candidly before you make the leap into marriage. What is something happens with the BM and you end up with the kid fulltime? You have to consider that. I met my husband when his daughter was nine, my son was ten, no matter how much I love my husband our biggest fights are always about the kids, or more aptly, my SD. I'm not sure I would do it again, in fact, I am pretty sure I wouldn't. God bless you.

stepmomismad's picture

Submitted by stepmomismad on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 4:39pm

I'm with "darned confused" on this one. Why shouldn't his 5yo daughter be the center of his life? Would you want less for your own kids? Probably not. But that little girl is not your child so you see her as an adversary and not as an extension of yourself. Your feelings are valid. It's sad but forcing a situation that is bringing you so much anxiety is not fair. Move on.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 5:35pm

I'm sorry for you. Don't stay with him, it won't be fair to you or to the little girl. At that age, she should come first. I have been on the receiving end of a jealous, resentful step parent, and it is NOT FUN. Either you will always come second, or you will come first & wreck the child's relationship with her father. Both options suck. It's a lose-lose.