where do i start...the ex has done so much in the 3 years i've been with my husband. first she has already taken him to court 3 times since i've been with him...once for forcing him to pay babysitter 87% based on his income) for 2 12 years olds and their 15year old brother!! we lost that one...paid $2800 for the summer day care expense and another $1500 to the attorney. the 2nd one was court over braces and unpaid medical expenses(copays) she wanted the judge to demand that he be made to put braces on teh 2 13yr olds now( we cannot afford it with her alimony and child supp) the judge ruled that since there was no out of pocket for the braces there was nothing to rule on- however on the unpaid medical expenses( he owed her $312, she owed him $349)- since he didn't file counter suit he has a failure to pay support judgement against him( she had to pay nothing of what she owed him) and he also had to pay $1200 for her attorney fees.... she will turn off the and take away the cell phones that he bought and pays for the 3 kds so that he cannot talk to them when they are with her...depending on her mood. she will not let them go to baseball practices when they are with her(because he's the coach)- not to mention when she can't make the games or practices on her days, she will not allow their own father to drive them home, she instead will call other parents to shuttle them (knowing that he is the coach) one time the other parent felt so bad he just told my husband that he should be able to drive his own kids and let my husband take them and she called the police. she also called the police on him when for a dispute on wording over the contract that was gray about a monday following a holiday that he should have them to a specific timeframe....she called the police and had a huge blow up(infront of her children- she lost that one and the police let him keep the kids)....there's so much more...
From the time that my husband left the BM, she HAS been on this mission to ruin his entire life! She had taken EVERYTHING he had and more for the past EIGHT yrs. Everything that you mention and have not mentioned yet, I'm sure ex had done to us.
I have been married to my husband for 6 yrs. now, would have been 7 if she had given him the divorce that he asked for. She just wont sign the papers.
Anyways, I had been to hell and back with the way she treated me and the way the children treated me. I think that for the last two yrs. I just stop caring, I have a daughter from my previous marriage, raised her myself for the first 16 yrs of her life before I met my hubby, but yet, I had no clue on how to take care of my husband's children- it s not that I don't know how, its just that the ex did not want me to take care of "their" children while they are at "OUR" home.
Anyways, long story short, I change the way I deal with the situation, we have our ups and downs, but I'm a happier person when I stop caring for things that I'm not allow to care for and aren't in control of.
I know - its easier said than done!
Don't get me wrong, its not over yet ..and it won't .. to date, she's now working on getting to be close to my husband's side of the family to get to me and its hurtful because they do talk to her and don't tell her to leave us alone so I need to find a way to keep sane ... how I deal with this situation today is to stay away from all of them!!!! "Out of sight, out of mind!" Works for me!!!!
I REALLY wish you lots of luck lady! I feel & know where you're coming from!!!
Bottom line is "ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY" SO DO WHAT MAKES U HAPPY!
oh, here's a good one, my husband parents- his childrens grandparents (who are very old) had a 50th wedding anniversary party on one of the ex's weekends, first she said they could go, then last minute she told my husband that he could take them if he gave her $1000....(sh said was for babysitting last year when they were 13 and 16 yrs old!!!- she had no receipts and of course did i mention doesn't work!!!) after much crying(by the children) she finally dropped them off one hour before the party ended
Sounds like your DH needs get a lawyer, if he doesn't already have one, and wisen up to what he is responsible for. A lawyer would've argued the need for a babysitter for a 15 y/o and 2 12 y/o's. They also would've argued for the unreimbursed medical as well as the need to pay for her legal fees.
It's very frustrating! Trust me, been there, done that. But it doesn't sound like your DH is doing much to help his situation. Document everything. And again, get a lawyer.
Lawyers are a dime a dozen. Find one that offers a free consultation and if you feel comfortable with that person, see what their fees are. We've had 2 lawyers who charged hourly and that has worked out very well for us. Definitely something to consider. Just because you lost the first one doesn't mean that all lawyers are that incompetent.
In the meantime, your DH needs to start documenting everything. Visitation issues, communication issues, etc. Keep everything in writing. If he gets a receipt for reimbursed medical, make sure the amount is correct. Those types of things. And get to know the CO inside out because that will be your DH's guideline until something else changes.
i guess i thought this woiuld allcalm downafter time, but it hasnt....i love my husband ,but i am dying inside over all this stress....i didn't raise my son in poverty only to now have some miserable rich bi--- take eveything awayfrom me.....i own the house my husband and i live in and make more money now than i ever did when my son was young...but still a very modest living, i just wanted to be comfortable at this age of my life... from what i've read in all these post, these type of ex wives never go away and i will be plaqued with her crap until i either walk away from my husband or death whichever comes first. Do any of you say enough is enough
Some lawyers have more experience in situations like this. I would check into what their experience is in Father's rights, etc.
Our lawyer has been WONDERFUL. If we didn't have him, we would have been so screwed. The only time H didn't get what he wanted was when BM timed court for right after we bought a house. She knew that we didn't have any extra money for a lawyer at that time.
it is such a shame for the kids. Sh eis so unhappy that she wants to make everyone else that way. put up with husbands ex for years. She still is a jerk.
One stepson is 29 and has grown up and has an adult relationship with us. Other stepson is 30 and he has and still causes trouble. A lawyer will help, but this women will never change. Husband got divorced in 1982 and was only married 3 years and ex will not go of the drama. We will not have anything to do with her. She started at stepsons wedding as well as ss. Neither has respect for husband or I. So we have disengaged from ss. If he was an adult relationship, then he will have to man up. Grandson is too be baptized soon, we will go but will be cordial to them, if they are there. We have been married since 1993 and with one stepson nothing has changed. The other one is an adult and he understands what all went on. He knows what his mom was like and siad I will not raise my son that say. He has known his wofe for 5 years and she said ex has bad mouthed husband since she first met her. SHe is on there facebook accounts and I will not respond to any thing. I send private maessages. She will never change so we have changed how we deal with them. Good luck.
oh no, we had an attorney when we argued the need for two 12yr olds and a 15yrs old needing to have a babysitter, we lost that and had to pay the babysitting fees and the attorney fees....
the 2nd court date where he lost regarding unpaid medical expenses, i actually do agree with you he screwed up and didn't get a lawyer and didn't know his legal repercussions for not paying even though she also was not paying him.
there is ZERO equallity when it comes to dads rights, I ust don't get it.
the saddest part is he's a great dad and i mean perfect dad....i wish my own son would have had a dad like that when he was growing up, she has no idea what it means to have a dead beat dad, she is a spoiled b---- and gets everything she wants, i mean everything
I guess the answer is just pay pay pay and then get a lawyer and pay pay pay.....I don't know how long some of you step moms have been at this, but it is really killing our relationship....how do you cope? how do you tell yourself that it's all ok when you're living in a 1000 sq ft house with your husband deep in debt and counting every penny and the ex is in her 3000 sq foot mansion driving a new car and doing absolutely everything she can to take what little you do have over and over and over.....and on top of that not working!! but still managing to make our lives miserable....newest trick - she won't pay for haircuts for the children! that's apparently not part of her child support ( oh also they can't turn on the airconditioning...because as she tells them that's how your dad made it so if you want to lose our 3000 sq ft house then go ahead and turn on the airconditioning!!!)
I'm not sure of the laws in NY, but in MOST states, CP can NOT touch the SM's money.
There have been rare instances when it was proven that the NCP was not employed and was being supported by the SM.
Make sure to NOT mix your accounts - i.e, bank accounts, etc. Put any and all assets you can into YOUR name only - not his. And if/when you file taxes together, file Married Filing Separately. Otherwise when dad's tax returns are requested for evaluation of child support, they will ONLY get his income listed - NOT both of yours!
Of course, that all applies when you are married to this guy.
Do not blend your money and have a post nup done. It will protect you. We have to file separately now so it can not consider my salary in the modification. It never gets better until the kids grow up and move on.
jsmom:so your saying that if we file our taxes together, she will be able to use that to modify his child support payments???????? shit, i had no idea she could come after my money?
I understand your pain, I am going through similar antics with our BM. It sounds like you need a better attorney and DH needs to get tough with her and his rights. Does she never violate orders such as not have them ready on time? As far as the driving to practice...don't most orders have a babysitting clause (that non-custodial bio parent should be asked to watch children before non-family? Seems like the driving is "babysitting" if she is not available, just a thought) Why is she this bitter and angry? Stupid question on StepTalk, all the BM's are like this.
F.
ur are a very wise woman, i never thought of that, the driving taking them to practice as babysiting, he does have what is called right of 1st refusal in his divorce contract stating if she's not available he gets 1st dibs on watching the kids, but the stip is that it's only for hours greater than 8
BTW, you keep asking if you should leave your husband. Only you can make that determination, however, why let her break up your home? The kids are teens, this won't continue forever. Follow the above advice about lawyers, documenting and custody orders. I would not give her another victory, but only you can make the decision if you can continue. Your DH must be in a terrible position as well.
F.
You can't give up. We lost all court battles at first too. With a lawyer! I have spent $10,000 on lawyers fees and got nothing.
So instead, I spent 10,000 hours educating myself in family law.
I am Canadian, so I can't help you I am so sorry.
As far as coping goes, thats a tough one.
Been doing this for six years now, and some days are harder than others. I will tell you with confidence, that when I give up hope, and resign myself to dealing with the shit, I get very very depressed.
Dig in and fight girl! Wrong is wrong and a lot of judges see that now. You just have to keep trying.
There is more tolerance now for going to court unrepresented. It happens all the time now.
Good luck,
don't let her get the best of you !
wow, never knew i could find a website that actually offers support and wonderful you're right i need to dig in and fight!! i'm done just standing by...i guess i need to get more info on the laws here...maybe thats the answer to be well informed and feel more powerful!
it may go on and on and on on on. Sorry to sound so negative but I have lived it.
husband payed supoort for years and she always tried and acted as if he did not help with the kids. We helped them even after the court order stopped as they turned 18. I think that maybe part of the problem. She is not in control anymore. One adult ss is fine and understands that she has issues and we should not have to deal with it. The other claims he understand but in the same breath bad mouthed my husband and said so many hurtful things to him . In the end there realy are no winners or losers. I have bd and her father paid child support, I had to take him to court to get it. It was never easy but I put alot of it away for her education. I gave up things for all of them and have no regrets. M-i-l had some money and when before she passed away we gifted someout to them. Husband saved some for our retirement and we bought some things as well. I am sure that there mother is mad about that. How sad youshould be happy for your kids. I am sure that she is jealous.
a stepmother is a job that no one would want. I would not apply for the job. Have two 2 stepson's and an adult bd.They are 30 29 and 27.
I guess 2 out of three is not bad. The one needs to grow up and if he does not, then it is his loss.
Never thought as a child that my life would be like this. The truth in it all is that you can not change anyone. Both parents meaning husband and I had to be on the same page. We did not let the kids pit us, they tried. Oh and it caused major issues in our relationship. We have learned alot and through all the bad times, we have stood strong. It was never easy and at times we both wanted to give up. I would not wish any of this on anyone. I hope that some day peace will be found and everyone here will have a chance to enjoy there lives. Have not talked to ss in alomost a month. We both feel that it is his loss, if he does not want to be part of our lives. Anyone can change if they wants to. we just got sick of the back and forth and the drama. we went to a counslor years ago and she said we both have to work at it together. We must learn how to cope with it all and build a life together. You can not let this upset you and you make your own hapiness. It has not been easy but now that they are adults, we can have adult relationships. If all 3 donot want to come along for the ride then it is there loss. It is not an easy thing to do, to stand up to an adult ss. Husband has had enough and deserves the respect. We always put the kids first and made sure they were taken care of and have no regrets on that. My other advise would be to do things together alone. even it is just a walk in the park. in situtions like this you need to have down time or it will ruin your marriage. Hang in there. Your kids will thank you some day. even if all of them donot treat you with respect, enjoy time with the ones that do. We all need peace in our lives, from all the hurtful people, that call themselves family.
It's hard for all of us sometimes. Sometimes I just cry, however, I have overcome so many challenges in my own life that I just never give up. When SO wants to give up I tell him to get off the fucking chair and put his big boy pants on and do what he has to do. For instance, recently the BM would not tell him what highschool the boys were going to, but she wrote him a letter asking him for the money for the school fees. So, I said NOT A FUCKING DIME until you know where they are going. He squirmed and worried himself sick that the kids would not go to school. (BTW, my SO is European and not divorced yet, no court order). I told him to relax his drawers and let her do the squirming. I looked up the school (they had just moved), called the principal and got the info. I told him to go over and ask her again what shool they are enrolled in. Again, she said "I don't know." Then he announced that HE knew and would meet her at the orientation to get all info, go on the tour and pay the fees. She still tried to lie about the time of orientation so that he would miss it. Why she did this is anyone's guess. PAS, to tell the boys he doesn't care, to tell the school she is the only parent and she asked for $400.00 more money than she needed. Nice. So he said, I'll see you at 8:30. She was mad like a hornet. I gave him a packet with all the info and what to ask for. Turns out he was eligible for reduced school fees due to unemployment. He asked her why she didn't ask for the forms (I did). She again answered, "I don't know." So, what I'm trying to say is DON'T GIVE UP. I agree with the educate yourself premise. We are still in the process of finding an attorney. He tried mediation and she quit after one session. However, the more I educate myself, the more questions I ask the attorneys and the more avenues I find. Our situation is a bit different, I know... This isn't how I envisioned my life, either. I see years of frustration with this woman, but he's worth it. I don't plan to let her get away with much, either. So, stay on it, stay on the attorneys, get clarification of the CO if you need it and hold her toes to the flames, as they say. Give your husband the kick in the pants he needs. Take time to enjoy the good times.
F.
Most of us here have similar
Most of us here have similar problems. We could offer some suggestions maybe if you give us more specifics as to what she is doing.
Give us some details., I bet
Give us some details., I bet we have been there done that or are there doing that.
where do i start...the ex has
where do i start...the ex has done so much in the 3 years i've been with my husband. first she has already taken him to court 3 times since i've been with him...once for forcing him to pay babysitter 87% based on his income) for 2 12 years olds and their 15year old brother!! we lost that one...paid $2800 for the summer day care expense and another $1500 to the attorney. the 2nd one was court over braces and unpaid medical expenses(copays) she wanted the judge to demand that he be made to put braces on teh 2 13yr olds now( we cannot afford it with her alimony and child supp) the judge ruled that since there was no out of pocket for the braces there was nothing to rule on- however on the unpaid medical expenses( he owed her $312, she owed him $349)- since he didn't file counter suit he has a failure to pay support judgement against him( she had to pay nothing of what she owed him) and he also had to pay $1200 for her attorney fees.... she will turn off the and take away the cell phones that he bought and pays for the 3 kds so that he cannot talk to them when they are with her...depending on her mood. she will not let them go to baseball practices when they are with her(because he's the coach)- not to mention when she can't make the games or practices on her days, she will not allow their own father to drive them home, she instead will call other parents to shuttle them (knowing that he is the coach) one time the other parent felt so bad he just told my husband that he should be able to drive his own kids and let my husband take them and she called the police. she also called the police on him when for a dispute on wording over the contract that was gray about a monday following a holiday that he should have them to a specific timeframe....she called the police and had a huge blow up(infront of her children- she lost that one and the police let him keep the kids)....there's so much more...
Has he had a lawyer or was he
Has he had a lawyer or was he representing himself?
From the time that my husband
From the time that my husband left the BM, she HAS been on this mission to ruin his entire life! She had taken EVERYTHING he had and more for the past EIGHT yrs. Everything that you mention and have not mentioned yet, I'm sure ex had done to us.
I have been married to my husband for 6 yrs. now, would have been 7 if she had given him the divorce that he asked for. She just wont sign the papers.
Anyways, I had been to hell and back with the way she treated me and the way the children treated me. I think that for the last two yrs. I just stop caring, I have a daughter from my previous marriage, raised her myself for the first 16 yrs of her life before I met my hubby, but yet, I had no clue on how to take care of my husband's children- it s not that I don't know how, its just that the ex did not want me to take care of "their" children while they are at "OUR" home.
Anyways, long story short, I change the way I deal with the situation, we have our ups and downs, but I'm a happier person when I stop caring for things that I'm not allow to care for and aren't in control of.
I know - its easier said than done!
Don't get me wrong, its not over yet ..and it won't .. to date, she's now working on getting to be close to my husband's side of the family to get to me and its hurtful because they do talk to her and don't tell her to leave us alone so I need to find a way to keep sane ... how I deal with this situation today is to stay away from all of them!!!! "Out of sight, out of mind!" Works for me!!!!
I REALLY wish you lots of luck lady! I feel & know where you're coming from!!!
Bottom line is "ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY" SO DO WHAT MAKES U HAPPY!
oh, here's a good one, my
oh, here's a good one, my husband parents- his childrens grandparents (who are very old) had a 50th wedding anniversary party on one of the ex's weekends, first she said they could go, then last minute she told my husband that he could take them if he gave her $1000....(sh said was for babysitting last year when they were 13 and 16 yrs old!!!- she had no receipts and of course did i mention doesn't work!!!) after much crying(by the children) she finally dropped them off one hour before the party ended
Sounds like your DH needs get
Sounds like your DH needs get a lawyer, if he doesn't already have one, and wisen up to what he is responsible for. A lawyer would've argued the need for a babysitter for a 15 y/o and 2 12 y/o's. They also would've argued for the unreimbursed medical as well as the need to pay for her legal fees.
It's very frustrating! Trust me, been there, done that. But it doesn't sound like your DH is doing much to help his situation. Document everything. And again, get a lawyer.
Good luck to you.
The first time hehad an
The first time hehad an attorney.... and we lost
Lawyers are a dime a dozen.
Lawyers are a dime a dozen. Find one that offers a free consultation and if you feel comfortable with that person, see what their fees are. We've had 2 lawyers who charged hourly and that has worked out very well for us. Definitely something to consider. Just because you lost the first one doesn't mean that all lawyers are that incompetent.
In the meantime, your DH needs to start documenting everything. Visitation issues, communication issues, etc. Keep everything in writing. If he gets a receipt for reimbursed medical, make sure the amount is correct. Those types of things. And get to know the CO inside out because that will be your DH's guideline until something else changes.
Good luck!
i guess i thought this woiuld
i guess i thought this woiuld allcalm downafter time, but it hasnt....i love my husband ,but i am dying inside over all this stress....i didn't raise my son in poverty only to now have some miserable rich bi--- take eveything awayfrom me.....i own the house my husband and i live in and make more money now than i ever did when my son was young...but still a very modest living, i just wanted to be comfortable at this age of my life... from what i've read in all these post, these type of ex wives never go away and i will be plaqued with her crap until i either walk away from my husband or death whichever comes first. Do any of you say enough is enough
Some lawyers have more
Some lawyers have more experience in situations like this. I would check into what their experience is in Father's rights, etc.
Our lawyer has been WONDERFUL. If we didn't have him, we would have been so screwed. The only time H didn't get what he wanted was when BM timed court for right after we bought a house. She knew that we didn't have any extra money for a lawyer at that time.
it is such a shame for the
it is such a shame for the kids. Sh eis so unhappy that she wants to make everyone else that way. put up with husbands ex for years. She still is a jerk.
One stepson is 29 and has grown up and has an adult relationship with us. Other stepson is 30 and he has and still causes trouble. A lawyer will help, but this women will never change. Husband got divorced in 1982 and was only married 3 years and ex will not go of the drama. We will not have anything to do with her. She started at stepsons wedding as well as ss. Neither has respect for husband or I. So we have disengaged from ss. If he was an adult relationship, then he will have to man up. Grandson is too be baptized soon, we will go but will be cordial to them, if they are there. We have been married since 1993 and with one stepson nothing has changed. The other one is an adult and he understands what all went on. He knows what his mom was like and siad I will not raise my son that say. He has known his wofe for 5 years and she said ex has bad mouthed husband since she first met her. SHe is on there facebook accounts and I will not respond to any thing. I send private maessages. She will never change so we have changed how we deal with them. Good luck.
so what your saying angelbeth
so what your saying angelbeth , is that my hellish life will continue this way for all eternity unless i divorce my husband and walk way
oh no, we had an attorney
oh no, we had an attorney when we argued the need for two 12yr olds and a 15yrs old needing to have a babysitter, we lost that and had to pay the babysitting fees and the attorney fees....
the 2nd court date where he lost regarding unpaid medical expenses, i actually do agree with you he screwed up and didn't get a lawyer and didn't know his legal repercussions for not paying even though she also was not paying him.
there is ZERO equallity when it comes to dads rights, I ust don't get it.
the saddest part is he's a great dad and i mean perfect dad....i wish my own son would have had a dad like that when he was growing up, she has no idea what it means to have a dead beat dad, she is a spoiled b---- and gets everything she wants, i mean everything
I guess the answer is just
I guess the answer is just pay pay pay and then get a lawyer and pay pay pay.....I don't know how long some of you step moms have been at this, but it is really killing our relationship....how do you cope? how do you tell yourself that it's all ok when you're living in a 1000 sq ft house with your husband deep in debt and counting every penny and the ex is in her 3000 sq foot mansion driving a new car and doing absolutely everything she can to take what little you do have over and over and over.....and on top of that not working!! but still managing to make our lives miserable....newest trick - she won't pay for haircuts for the children! that's apparently not part of her child support ( oh also they can't turn on the airconditioning...because as she tells them that's how your dad made it so if you want to lose our 3000 sq ft house then go ahead and turn on the airconditioning!!!)
Go buy a clipper and shears
Go buy a clipper and shears and cut them yourself.
awesome idea!!!!
awesome idea!!!!
anyone in central new york
anyone in central new york that can recommend a GOOD attorney?
anyone divorced in new york??
anyone divorced in new york??
can his ex touch my salary
can his ex touch my salary now that we are married??
please can anyone recommend a
please can anyone recommend a great attorney in the central new york area?
I'm not sure of the laws in
I'm not sure of the laws in NY, but in MOST states, CP can NOT touch the SM's money.
There have been rare instances when it was proven that the NCP was not employed and was being supported by the SM.
Make sure to NOT mix your accounts - i.e, bank accounts, etc. Put any and all assets you can into YOUR name only - not his. And if/when you file taxes together, file Married Filing Separately. Otherwise when dad's tax returns are requested for evaluation of child support, they will ONLY get his income listed - NOT both of yours!
Of course, that all applies when you are married to this guy.
Do not blend your money and
Do not blend your money and have a post nup done. It will protect you. We have to file separately now so it can not consider my salary in the modification. It never gets better until the kids grow up and move on.
jsmom:so your saying that if
jsmom:so your saying that if we file our taxes together, she will be able to use that to modify his child support payments???????? shit, i had no idea she could come after my money?
I understand your pain, I am
I understand your pain, I am going through similar antics with our BM. It sounds like you need a better attorney and DH needs to get tough with her and his rights. Does she never violate orders such as not have them ready on time? As far as the driving to practice...don't most orders have a babysitting clause (that non-custodial bio parent should be asked to watch children before non-family? Seems like the driving is "babysitting" if she is not available, just a thought) Why is she this bitter and angry? Stupid question on StepTalk, all the BM's are like this.
F.
ur are a very wise woman, i
ur are a very wise woman, i never thought of that, the driving taking them to practice as babysiting, he does have what is called right of 1st refusal in his divorce contract stating if she's not available he gets 1st dibs on watching the kids, but the stip is that it's only for hours greater than 8
BTW, you keep asking if you
BTW, you keep asking if you should leave your husband. Only you can make that determination, however, why let her break up your home? The kids are teens, this won't continue forever. Follow the above advice about lawyers, documenting and custody orders. I would not give her another victory, but only you can make the decision if you can continue. Your DH must be in a terrible position as well.
F.
You can't give up. We lost
You can't give up. We lost all court battles at first too. With a lawyer! I have spent $10,000 on lawyers fees and got nothing.
So instead, I spent 10,000 hours educating myself in family law.
I am Canadian, so I can't help you I am so sorry.
As far as coping goes, thats a tough one.
Been doing this for six years now, and some days are harder than others. I will tell you with confidence, that when I give up hope, and resign myself to dealing with the shit, I get very very depressed.
Dig in and fight girl! Wrong is wrong and a lot of judges see that now. You just have to keep trying.
There is more tolerance now for going to court unrepresented. It happens all the time now.
Good luck,
don't let her get the best of you !
wow, never knew i could find
wow, never knew i could find a website that actually offers support and wonderful you're right i need to dig in and fight!! i'm done just standing by...i guess i need to get more info on the laws here...maybe thats the answer to be well informed and feel more powerful!
it may go on and on and on on
it may go on and on and on on on. Sorry to sound so negative but I have lived it.
husband payed supoort for years and she always tried and acted as if he did not help with the kids. We helped them even after the court order stopped as they turned 18. I think that maybe part of the problem. She is not in control anymore. One adult ss is fine and understands that she has issues and we should not have to deal with it. The other claims he understand but in the same breath bad mouthed my husband and said so many hurtful things to him . In the end there realy are no winners or losers. I have bd and her father paid child support, I had to take him to court to get it. It was never easy but I put alot of it away for her education. I gave up things for all of them and have no regrets. M-i-l had some money and when before she passed away we gifted someout to them. Husband saved some for our retirement and we bought some things as well. I am sure that there mother is mad about that. How sad youshould be happy for your kids. I am sure that she is jealous.
a stepmother is a job that no one would want. I would not apply for the job. Have two 2 stepson's and an adult bd.They are 30 29 and 27.
I guess 2 out of three is not bad. The one needs to grow up and if he does not, then it is his loss.
Never thought as a child that my life would be like this. The truth in it all is that you can not change anyone. Both parents meaning husband and I had to be on the same page. We did not let the kids pit us, they tried. Oh and it caused major issues in our relationship. We have learned alot and through all the bad times, we have stood strong. It was never easy and at times we both wanted to give up. I would not wish any of this on anyone. I hope that some day peace will be found and everyone here will have a chance to enjoy there lives. Have not talked to ss in alomost a month. We both feel that it is his loss, if he does not want to be part of our lives. Anyone can change if they wants to. we just got sick of the back and forth and the drama. we went to a counslor years ago and she said we both have to work at it together. We must learn how to cope with it all and build a life together. You can not let this upset you and you make your own hapiness. It has not been easy but now that they are adults, we can have adult relationships. If all 3 donot want to come along for the ride then it is there loss. It is not an easy thing to do, to stand up to an adult ss. Husband has had enough and deserves the respect. We always put the kids first and made sure they were taken care of and have no regrets on that. My other advise would be to do things together alone. even it is just a walk in the park. in situtions like this you need to have down time or it will ruin your marriage. Hang in there. Your kids will thank you some day. even if all of them donot treat you with respect, enjoy time with the ones that do. We all need peace in our lives, from all the hurtful people, that call themselves family.
crazy vindictive exwife how
crazy vindictive exwife how do we stop her?
ha! When you figure it out send me a memo!
You cant darlin. You cant make anyone do anything they dont want to do. My condolences.
wow thanks for the support,
wow thanks for the support, why are you on this site, just to make people feel hopeless
Im just being realistic. Ive
Im just being realistic. Ive been struggling with the same question for years. Im sorry if I offended you.
It's hard for all of us
It's hard for all of us sometimes. Sometimes I just cry, however, I have overcome so many challenges in my own life that I just never give up. When SO wants to give up I tell him to get off the fucking chair and put his big boy pants on and do what he has to do. For instance, recently the BM would not tell him what highschool the boys were going to, but she wrote him a letter asking him for the money for the school fees. So, I said NOT A FUCKING DIME until you know where they are going. He squirmed and worried himself sick that the kids would not go to school. (BTW, my SO is European and not divorced yet, no court order). I told him to relax his drawers and let her do the squirming. I looked up the school (they had just moved), called the principal and got the info. I told him to go over and ask her again what shool they are enrolled in. Again, she said "I don't know." Then he announced that HE knew and would meet her at the orientation to get all info, go on the tour and pay the fees. She still tried to lie about the time of orientation so that he would miss it. Why she did this is anyone's guess. PAS, to tell the boys he doesn't care, to tell the school she is the only parent and she asked for $400.00 more money than she needed. Nice. So he said, I'll see you at 8:30. She was mad like a hornet. I gave him a packet with all the info and what to ask for. Turns out he was eligible for reduced school fees due to unemployment. He asked her why she didn't ask for the forms (I did). She again answered, "I don't know." So, what I'm trying to say is DON'T GIVE UP. I agree with the educate yourself premise. We are still in the process of finding an attorney. He tried mediation and she quit after one session. However, the more I educate myself, the more questions I ask the attorneys and the more avenues I find. Our situation is a bit different, I know... This isn't how I envisioned my life, either. I see years of frustration with this woman, but he's worth it. I don't plan to let her get away with much, either. So, stay on it, stay on the attorneys, get clarification of the CO if you need it and hold her toes to the flames, as they say. Give your husband the kick in the pants he needs. Take time to enjoy the good times.
F.
Superb article mate but how
Superb article mate but how do get your rss feed? Please sending us an e-mail with instructions?
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