Hoping You Guys Have Some Advice
Okay here is the situation. I have a 13 yr old who keeps breaking the rules OVER AND OVER again. To keep this short I will explain the most frequent problem we have with her:
She is a VERY beautiful and mature looking 7th grader. She looks to be 16 or 17 rather than 13 so its no surprise that she gets A LOT of attention from older boys. The problem is that she is not allowed to "go out" with anyone more than a year older than her. I use the words "go out" very lightly because at this age going out is no more than seeing each other at school or talking on the phone.
The problem is that she has, on several occasions, had boys in the 10th grade contact her on her cell phone, flirt with her, show up at the house, and ask her to "go out" with them. She knows that this is unacceptable with us and that she is not allowed to but it keeps on happening. We have punished her every way we no how and she just keeps doing it! We found out last night that she is "going out" with a 10th grader from her school!!!! How to I approach her so that it doesnt keep happening???
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GROUNDED! This sounds like
GROUNDED! This sounds like some of the crap I pulled when I was in middle school and it will lead to NO GOOD!!! Take it seriously. Trust me a 10th grade boy wants a lot more from her than any 13 year old is ready for.
OMG!
I have a BD that is 13 and in 7th grade...,and looks slightly older than she is (about 15-16). She too is beautiful (I know I'm partial, but she has long blonde hair, tan skin and HUGE green eyes
.. I always knew that I'd go thru hell in the teen years.
I agree as far as the going out thing..going out means talking on the phone and saying that is her BF..her current BF doesn't even go to the same school! Thank god..lol..
But we've had the same problems..a few weeks ago there were boys in the neighborhood that showed up outside her window at 10pm calling for her!! My FH went outside and told them to get lost and he'd call the cops if they showed up again (one of them looked 17!!!
My daughter said it is not her fault..but since all of this had started I have made new ground rules with her. Both the house phone AND her cel phone are out of her room at 10pm..she is not allowed to just "hang out" outside anymore or at the park down the street..(we have a yard and a swing so there is no need for her to go to the park)..
I have spoken to her and been open with her..I get the "I know mom"...and the eye roll...I'm at a loss too short of locking in her room..lol.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
All of This Sounds Familiar
We too have the cell phone rules, etc. but it does not seem to make a difference. She tells me it isnt her fault also but when you have "I love so and so" as your signature on your cell phone that tells me you are not discouraging it. What would you do if it seemed that you have tried everything???
you dont...
leave it to DH to do the discipline.....or wait...is this YOUR child? I am slightly confused
It is my child this time
It is my child this time
in that case
take away that phone until she gets it. MY SD did not get it for a looooong time....finally taking away the cell phone made her get it!!!
After thinking about it a
After thinking about it a bit longer - you may, depending on how strong headed she is, have to go the route of scaring the living hell out of her. Find a teenage mother for her to talk to, explain STD's to her etc. I cannot stress to you enough that sex is what is on these boys minds and they think they can manipulate a 13 year old into it. You don't want to deal with it when it is "to late" that is for sure........
oh
also I wanted to add that so far I don't know of any older boys callin her..yet..but I have actually gotten on the phone a few times with boys and told them either talk to her respectfully or don't talk to her at all..but yes..when I was 14 I was approached by much older boys and they always just wanted one thing!!
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
I love your quote "He grew
I love your quote "He grew up in my heart, not my belly". That is great!
I too love that
and may use it.......
Thank you!
His mother is nowhere around..and FH has sole custody so basically I'm his "mom".
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
My SS6 likes to tell people
My SS6 likes to tell people that he grew in his BM's tummy (she likes to tell him that all the time, probably because that is all she has - I have raised him since he was 1.5 years old) but he tells others, complete strangers, that I raised him. It is cute, but funny because some people look at us like we are nuts.
Sorry CrystalRE, didn't mean
Sorry CrystalRE, didn't mean to hijack your post......back on topic. I would definitely take this seriously unless you want to be a young grandma. Sex to young can cause strained relationships with the opposite sex later in life, lack of confidence, etc. among other things. Unfortunately she is old enough you can't watch her every move........and I know I said it already but those boys are only thinking of one thing!!
I've have also tried to talk
I've have also tried to talk with her about "all boys want" she is so hard headed that she thinks "he's not like that" about every boy! This is going to be a tough one. I told her the last time she did this that if she did it again I would run over her cell phone with my car
Is that a little much???
I think the name of the game
I think the name of the game is FOLLOW THROUGH...
You said last time that if it happened again, you were going to run it over with your car.
While I am sure you just said that as an empty threat (like we all do at times ;)) then maybe the strongest message would be to actually do it!! You would definitely show her you are serious.
And if she wants a new phone, she has to do chores to earn the money to buy a new one.
not at all!
I've taken my daughter's cell phone away quite a few times. I also allow her to only have a prepaid..and when she acts up she doesn't get more $$ on it..and she has to earn it by doing chores,etc..Crsytal, seems we are both going thru the same things..feel free to PM me if you want to compare notes,etc.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
Thanks Kaff!
Sometimes teenagers make you want to pull your hair out! Thanks to everyone for all the great advice!
Talk to her BF too
I would talk to BD and explain that legally she is considered a child and that BF could be charged as a sex offender if the relationship continues.
I would aslo talk to BF and explain that he could be charged as a sex offender, as your BD is considered a child in the eyes of the law. I would also talk to his parents about this as well.
Here's a link that may be helpful:
http://www.moraloutrage.net/staticpages/index.php?page=Iowa
~BettyRay
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"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser
WOW!
Thank you soooo much for that post. As alarming as the situation is the fact that he could be breaking the law never occured to me! I am going to check out the link that you added! Thanks again!
Or you can talk to his
Or you can talk to his parents if that doesn't work. Maybe the public "humiliation" of that will get her to understand.