You are here

Maybe a little OT but why do I hate FH's cell phone so much?

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 8:25am

I know it sounds crazy, but here's the deal...
We all had to be ready early today. FH was dropping skids at tutoring and was going to come back home to sleep for the day (works 3rd shift). I was trying to get ready too, earlier than usual, so I'd be outta the bathroom before the skids needed it and I wanted to go grab a mcmuffin.
So, fh goes and drops skids and comes back. It seems to have taken a bit longer than usual. And by this point I'm just about ready to go. So he comes in the door with his phone in his hand. I don't know why but I immediately focused on it...like the red dot from an assault rifle or something.lol
For some reason his phone just makes my blood boil. First, who needs a phone to drive a few blocks to drop off kids? I leave for places like the tanning bed and don't bring a purse or anything other than my license and lotion. But he's gotta bring his phone? That seems shady.
Secondly, there was a mixup last night when I took ss13 to get his charger from bm's. He took hers too and didn't set the alarm or something so she blasted him 5 screeching phone calls last night. I felt bad for him because I felt like it was kinda my fault. I'd asked him if he wanted me to take him back to return the charger cuz after we'd left he'd realized it wasn't his...he'd grabbed his and hers instead of his bro's. But he didn't think it was a big deal so that was that. But he winds up with 5 phonecalls from her with her bitching him out. Anyways, my point is that I think fh needed his phone this a.m. to call bm about her charger or returning it or something like that.
However, today is also the birthday of my MIL who passed away 2 weeks ago. So, maybe fh was calling his dad this a.m. to see what he was up to.
So, CliffNotes version....I saw fh come in w/his phone; I think he'd been talking to someone for a bit before he came in the house; I'm angry and about to just stab him in the eye with it...and I don't know even WHY I'm mad.
I really need y'all's input as to 1)why I'm so hateful about the phone and 2)how do you handle similar situations?

Right now I'm on Day 2 of the Love Dare, so I won't be confronting him about anything or saying anything negative. I'm hoping venting here will enlighten me and keep me from beating him to death with that damn phone!lol I'm trying to be good, I really am, but this phone deal is just pissing me off beyond words!

Comments

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 1:42pm

Part of it too is that there's this spoiled little bitch in me going, "Hey, why aren't you paying attention to ME?!!! Why is it you're not texting/calling me every second of the day?!!" I know it's childish and wrong, but that little bitch inside of me is greedy and demanding and jealous and spiteful. I'm trying to get a handle on her but the phone really makes her pop out.
This is actually a good topic to bring up in therapy.
Thanks Cat you really got me onto something now
Hugs,LT

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 9:27am

we are blessed with a sixth sense. You may be right on target. I knoe H was really protective of his IPOD, which is where I found he had been sending women messages..

One can only hope!

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 1:40pm

I told him, cuz I looked at the phone last week or so...that if he's gonna talk to bm about whatever, I would like to be around. Isn't it convenient that I'm at work or not home whenever their little calls occur? Granted from the call log, it's only a minute or two, but still there have been times they've had a 10 minute convo...funny that doesn't happen when I'm home. It's not about my feeling "oh, they're talking dirty to one another and are gonna rendezvous." It's more like, wtf is so secret that you can't talk when I'm here? I'm an open book and jabber on when he's there, kids there, whoever...if I"m on the phone I'm on the phone and if you don't like listening, go somewhere and don't listen there.lol But I also am way more open just in general whereas FH is very closed and guarded. Maybe that's part of this...just feeling yucky inside about his style being different from mine.
Thanks crayon Smile you made me feel better.

WowjustWow's picture

Submitted by WowjustWow on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 11:31am

I can understand why the cell phone is an issue for you, but I am one of those people that dont' go anywhere with out my cell. This is because the one time I did forget my cell in college, I popped a tire and couldn't call for help. So, now it doesn't matter if DH or I have our cell, as long as we have one with us.

Now, if DH started being weird about hiding his cell or whatever, I would suspect something too.

Try to let go a little bit. Think about how you would feel if DH asked you every time you went to tan, who, what, where, why, when, how? You wouldn't like it either.

Stay strong and don't let a piece of electronics get the best of you. If ytou really think something is going on with him, be honest (rationally of course) and explain to him how it makes you feel like he is sneaking something.

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 1:36pm

it's hard though but I will keep trying to not let it get to me.

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 11:40am

Bring my celphone with me everywhere..I don't know why..but I do..

I understand what you are saying though. I hate my FH's celphone..maybe because even when he is home he lays it upside down (so if someone calls or texts he has to flip it upside down). This drove me nuts..and when he goes to the bathroom he brings it with him!! I had an X who did this and he was calling other girls from the bathroom. I finally asked FH about it one day..actually we were talking and I asked him if I could look thru his phone..he said sure and handed it to me..there was nothing on it..I asked him why he brings it into the bathroom with him!! He told me he watches videos or the sports network on his phone while he is ..... you know what..WOW! (he has an iphone).

The phone STILL bothers me..but I think this is more due to my past than what he has done..so I try to let it go.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 1:36pm

You said exactly what I'm going through!!! I don't think mine ever used to leave it upside down, but he has been (or so it has seemed) for the last few months...which coincides with all the problems really getting out of control. It just scares me...it's like, he didn't USED to do that, why now when we're having problems?
If you read my blog from before, I'd gone through his phone recently and there was nothing bad there. I'm sure this is all innocent too but like you, I have issues from the past I'm dealing with.
It just bothers me still and I cant fully figure out why. I'm trying hard to just let it go but its hard.
Thank you very much for replying...I really appreciate not feeling alone or crazy.
Hugs. LT

Gia's picture

Submitted by Gia on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 2:01pm

is to be with it at ALL TIMES, because you don't know what happens the second you step out of the house, doesn't matter if you are driving down the block.

Now, I agree with what October8, intuition! you probably smelled it...

And I do not hate his phone, but I DO HATE THE RINGTONE!!! GRRR it makes my blood boil, he has an iphone and we assigned the "barking dog" ringtone to her, and everytime I hear that freaking dogg, just... ughhhh

lovelovelove's picture

Submitted by lovelovelove on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 2:08pm

I used to have the same problem and it was because the ex was CONSTANTLY needing to be in contact with MY husband for some reason. Phone calls, text messages...all having nothing to do with the kids, she just wanted to control him like she has for the last 100 years.

Well...about a month and a half ago, I made him call and have her number blocked from his phone. PROBLEM SOLVED! I don't feel the need to check his phone all the time and we are not bothered by that crazy b**ch by phone anymore!! I would HIGHLY recommend a different form of communication to you, maybe email. We talk to the kids directly through their phones only now. If we have something that we need to ask their mom, they do the asking. They are 12 and 15, so there is really no reason to talk to that wack-job. Smile

MinneMom's picture

Submitted by MinneMom (not verified) on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 12:42pm

I can count on one hand how many times BM has called DH during non-work hours in the past year. When we first started dating she would sometimes call 3-5 times in 1 day. Mostly to talk to SD, but usually wanted to ask DH something. Finally, DH said we were getting SD a cell phone and to only contact him if it is an emergency. Otherwise, all communication is done via email during working hours. So far it has worked great. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of having coffee with her so she could meet me and know her daughter is well loved by sane person. Now she will text or call me randomly. I'm going to have to set boundaries on that one soon.