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Counseling focused on SD cell phone photo fiasco.

MSloan86's picture

Submitted by MSloan86 on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:41am

So we had our first counseling session since I had the talk with my wife about SD’s cell phone photos. Go back and read the last 2 blogs if you want details.

The counselor laid into DW pretty hard. She told her I was being a dad, and a damn good dad, and she should be singing my praises for what I did. When SD gets the boom dropped she should sing my praises to SD. (not that SD will care at that point) She offered some actions I am 100% on board with how she would handle the situation.

She also scared the shit outta DW. She said a couple years ago she would call DSS regarding this issue. She takes it EXTERMELY serious. But with the explosion of ‘sexting’ DSS is no longer doing much of anything helpful.

So, SD will be loosing her cell phone for awhile. To get it back she will go to 3 – 6 therapy sessions, after which we will reevaluate the situation.

My wife is having trouble with it all but did agree that these things need to be done. We will take some time to discuss how/when/what so that we are on the same page. DW will do most of the talking, I will be there to back her up, and to keep her on course.

So I expect a tsunami of a PO’d teen for awhile, but if my wife and I are getting on the same page and getting boundaries in place then things have a chance.

Comments

Harleygal's picture

Submitted by Harleygal on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:49am

You are doing the right thing Sloan. I would have done the same with the phone thing. Sounds like you have a really good counselor as well. Now if said counselor (or DW's own counselor) will just delve into the real issues with your wife and why she guilt parents so much that would be ideal. That is where the real problem lies. Your wife needs to wake up and see that you are not the problem. I pray that happens for you!

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 12:08pm

It sounds like you are already the convenient "bad guy" target for all that is wrong and horrible in her life right now anyway, so why worry about one more thing at this point?

The two biggest issues at this time are:
1)doing what you NEED TO DO to keep SD safe with regard to the "sexting"; and
2)having your DW follow-through with the consequences that were set (attending the mandatory counseling sessions)

You guys are definitely in this for the duration. Better get comfortable.

Good luck.

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 12:53pm

Nice to get some validation once in a while, isn't it? Wink

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 1:36pm

I am so glad your counselor put it on the line to your DW. But I still don't know why it took a counselor for her to see the light...that this IS a problem and it needed to be addressed! But maybe with more counseling sessions your DW will get the picture that guilt parenting DOES NOT help the child, unless you want to raise an enabled child. Which there are plent of out there! Good Luck...maybe now you can see some light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Hope it continues for you.

MSloan86's picture

Submitted by MSloan86 on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 3:15pm

DW knew its an issue and has to be addressed, but DW had a problem that I looked at SDs phone without DW knowing.

Counselor told her she should have been thanking me, not criticizing me for it. She also knew and told her that if I went to her with my concerns she wouldnt have taken them as seriously and would have not wanted to look at the phone and invade SDs privacy. She should be happy that her husband was able to accurately read her daughter and identify a concern that needed to be investigated.

I am at the end of my rope and hope this starts DW with setting and keeping rules and boundaries. If she cant I wont make it much longer. She has heard me say it now, clearly. She knows my stress and anxiety levels are about my worries about our marriage failing and the impacts to the entire family. Will it make a difference long term? No idea.

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 3:22pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

I applaud the efforts you have made, and am so glad the counselor backed you up on this one.

But as for your DW looking at things thru different eyes, IDK. She seems to prefer the view she has-of you being the evil troll out to get her innocent darling.

Good luck to you again. It's awful how one individuals screwed up view point can ruin an entire family...but it sure can.