Yeah it is selfish of him But...you said I really don't know if I ever want to marry again anyway. Did the whole marriage and step mom for 22 years - so do your REALLY want to be a part of these girls lives? In a way I think you have the best of both worlds too. The reason you aren't there is because the 15 year old doesn't want you there - so do you want to go through the experience of her accepting you. After being married five years and now my SD is 13 and getting worse and treating me worse everyday I Don't want to go thru this anymore - so do you really want to go down that road? To me it sounds like you have the best of both worlds too. You have your man every week day and 1 weekend a month. Three weekends a month you can spend with friends or just relax. I am married to my H and he has every other week custody - because SD is a biotch, liar and thief I spend every other week worried about what is she going to steal or do to ruin my day today. And my DH gets mad at me - plus he is afraid to show me affection in front of his precious biotch - so I have a loving husband two weeks a month and live in misery for the other two - I'll trade ya.

It seems he is excluding you from a very important aspect of his life. Even if you just spent days together when his D is there I don't see why that would be so bad.

How is your relationship otherwise? You said he used to include you, but hasn't in the last year. Has something changed?

He is living two seperate lives. The reason is because it is how he avoids conflict. I would be willing to say that the fit-throwing and "it's not right" talk from your BF's daughter really came from her mother. That's where the animosity toward the "other woman" normally comes from.

Have you had this conversation with him? Asked if maybe you could do a trial run on a weekend, or plan a mini weekend vacation with the three of you, or maybe spend one weekend there a month when she is there? Then at least you would get him half of the weekends.

I think it is kinda unrealistic for him to think that he can continue to keep you separated from his daughter. But at the same time, you need to decide how involved you want to become. If those weekends are the only time that he has with his daughter, he will have to then begin sharing that time with you which begins to put you into more of a step-parenting role than just a girlfriend role. Also, if you begin to become a presence in his daughter's life, you will then have to start dealing with her mother as well. Maybe only indirectly through your boyfriend, but it's very seldom that a woman is ever OK with another woman coming into their child's life. There is almost always confrontation or protest of some sort.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

so reading your post, I think...it's 6 days out of a month, that's a nice chunk of "me time" for you. Conversely, if that's the only time he has his daughter, the time is a bit scarce, why would he really want to blur his focus by adding in a woman who he - not to be rude- using your description- who he is and probably won't be building a family with?? I don't think I would necessarily feel like he is doing anything wrong.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

I'd say he has his cake and eating it too, find someone who thinks more of you before you waste any more of your time.

I think you should sit down and be honest with yourself about what YOU want out of the relationship. Without thinking what he wants and the restrictions he imposes on the relationship, what would YOU want it to be like if you could change anything and make it "perfect" to suit your needs?

Then, think about what you're getting. 90% of what you want? 50% of what you want?
Are there any things that you really need to change to be happy? If you don't change anything, will you be content?
What are the things that aren't perfect, but you can live with without being unhappy? What are the things that, if they don't change, will eventually make you very unhappy and/or push you to leave?

Then you go talk to him about what the relationship is and isn't doing to fulfill you. If you have a clear sense of what you really want, and what you're willing to compromise on, then you can be a 50% partner in this relationship. But right now, I'm hearing that you feel like you're a pretty marginal part of his life. And it doesn't sound like you want that...

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

I'd like to know your ultimate goal in this relationship before I could really give my opinion. You don't want to get married and you guys don't plan on moving in together. So if this is as far as either of you want to take the relationship, then I would say he is probably doing the right thing in keeping his time with his daughter pretty separate. Now if you guys wanted to move in together or get married, I would say this isn't a good path and you're in a rut because nothing is moving forward.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"