Ugh!

I am so torn. I feel like it's too late, but I can't let it go. There has to be some way to turn this all around.

I’ll give some simple facts. Let me preface by saying that I do not like telling this story in simple form because it makes me look bad. LOL! But I am just going to lay it on the line because this is important to my family and me. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads my plea for help.

I have been with DH for 6-1/2 years. Yes, I knew DH before he divorced BM, so no matter how you slice it, everything will always be MY fault. OK, fine. I have big shoulders and I know the truth. I had nothing to do with the demise of their marriage. When DH and I decided to be more than friends (and yes it happened too quick for some, even me) BM blew a gasket. We took things slow (we thought) and I was not around the children for a while because they were still getting used to their new life. I still think having me not be around the kids was the right thing to do, but I realize now that if BM had her way I would still not have interaction with them, nor would any other woman. I understand with the conclusions she drew that it would be hard to let it go, but at this point, she hasn't even let up.

BM and DH had 3 children together. She is a narcissist and extremely manipulative. She turned the children against DH even though he was involved with the children on every level. While they were married, DH woke them in the morning, fed them, clothed them and took them to school on his way to work so she could sleep in. He did homework with them every night and did the bedtime routine. Of course I was not in their home, but I can assume his story is true because of how he is with my SK’s and how he is now with our children.

SK#1 is now away at college, SK#2 left our home without warning, and SK#3 is fearful and very tight lipped. I posted in another blog “The problem we are having with PAS in our house is that the children do not talk. They do not come and repeat anything that BM has said, told them, implied, fed them. Along with inflicting them with her pain she has also programmed them to be so afraid of our house/us they can't even speak. We can't combat anything if they aren't giving us anything to work with.” I am afraid SK#2 will never come back. Right now SK#2 refuses to speak to us and has not since the night they skipped out. On a side note: SK#2 was watching 3 small children and walked out on them leaving the door unlocked while DH and I were gone for 45 minutes. We do not ask the older kids to watch the younger ones; we don’t feel it is their responsibility. This was unusual for us to have to leave for a few minutes. There was a death in my family. We are very confused by this event because SK#2 has been the closest to DH had literally just given him a gift and a birthday card saying “Thank you for being such a great Dad”. Then within a few weeks SK#2 “can’t be in our house” and “doesn’t want to talk about it”. BM says that it’s not her place to do anything about it and won’t.

We have tried to live life as normal as possible. You can’t live a normal life when someone is telling the kids that life is not normal anymore and never will be. She has moved on to the idea that our house is a scary place, our ideas are whacked out, we don’t care as much as she does, etc… you know the story. Every time she parts from them and in every message she leaves at our home, she says, “I will be praying for you”. I am not against religion or prayer let me set that straight. What I do not appreciate is using prayer as a weapon to instill fear. They have to think, “If mom is praying for me, I must be in some kind of danger”. I.e.: Dad’s house = danger.

I can’t believe it has been so long, I can’t believe nothing has changed. I can’t believe that I can’t let it go. These are my DH’s children and it tears him up. Therefore, I can’t just drop it and walk away. I WISH I could disengage!