BMs who want to change our skids last names...
Has anyone else besides Gettingby and myself encountered this- a BM who wants to change the skid(s) last name to whatever their last name is, or the last name of their current significant other/husband?
My SDs BM tried to do this several years ago. Now, I'm no law expert but I thought that, as long as the child's father is involved in the kid(s) life, pays child support, and follows the court order, the father's permission was needed before the BM could do this. Note that above I said BM TRIED to do this. But my DH caught her, refused to give her permission to do this, threatened her with a court date, and stood his ground. I was proud of him for that 
My question is, what did your DHs/BFs/fiances do in this situation? I know that this is 2009, and a lot of women are giving their children their last names, and that is great. But I think that, if the fathers are paying child support, seeing their children as much as they can, and loving them, then they should have some say in the final determination of their children's last name(s).
Has anyone else encountered this with your skids' BMs?
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name change
Parents should leave it alone and let the child decide when they get old enough.
my SS mom got re-married
SS asked my DH if he could change his name (he was 10) DH said absolutly not, no questions asked. it was not brought up by him (or the BM) again. my kids have there dads last name, I went back to my maiden name (I kept that after I re married DH)
they should keep there birth name. I'm proud of who I am thats why I didn't change it AGAIN.
Never Been There
We have never been in that situation but I know that my husband would NEVER allow it! He is very proud of his children and takes great pride that they share his last name. I cant imagine that as long as their share cusotdy that she could do this without his consent.
I'm on the fence on this one ....
In principle my thoughts on name change to the new husband's last name is HELL NO!
But, as a StepDad who has raised my Skid (SS-16) since before he was 2yo I have to say that the gift of greatest value I can give my Skid is my name. The one his BioDad gave him is not worth the shit the paper the name is written on could wipe off of BioDad's ass.
That said, I fully intend to adopt my SS either shortly before or immediately after his 18th B-Day. It may not be our name on his high school diploma but it will be our name on his college diploma ..... if he expects me to pay for it.
Petty of me? Absolutely. However, facts are facts and the fact is that I am far more a father to him than his SpermDonor has ever been or is capable of ever being.
Touchy subject but a valuable one I think. If I was the BioDad and my children were being raised in another man's home I would be involved and for sure my children would keep their names ...... my name.
Just my thoughts of course ..... waffle like though they are.
Best regards,
I don't think you're being petty
at all. You raised this kid! SpermDonor wouldn't know how to be a parent if it hit him in the face!
I know BM wanted to
BM put feelers out on this one last year when she got married. The skids came over and said that their mommy was getting a new last name and she thought it would be nice if they did too. SD12 was excited at first-but I think that was just because she thought having a new name would be fun, I don't think she was really thinking it through. However, SD10 was really upset about it and asked Hubby if she had to change her name. I thought Hubby's head was going to explode, he turned so red. I was very proud of how calm he sounded when he explained that they both have his last name because he is their father and they would not be changing their name. Then SD12 got upset and said that she didn't want to have to change her name either. He later sent BM an email saying that he would appreciate it if she would not try to pull this kinda stuff on him and that SD10 got really upset about it. She wrote back that she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but if she had said said something, the girls would probably have loved it. Horrible witch.
Oh please
that woman knew exactly what she was doing. The kids would not have thought of the name change on their own!
Changed names
My DH and I have also gone through the name change game. This was well over 4 years ago and my SD told me during a casual conversation that her BM wanted to change her and her brothers last name to her new last name since she had gotten remarried. My DH told SD NO! He also told the BM that if she wanted to make drastic changes in their lives then she needs to say something to him first not the children. With this being said, mind you the SKids live with us and hardly see her!
Glad we never entertained the thought of that one though, she seperated her new husband 6 months later and has had well over 10 boyfriends since then.