FH got the call yesterday from bm that ss12 had been in a fight at school. The story goes, he’d been picking at some kid who eventually got tired of it and hauled off and socked him one. That sounds completely plausible. He picks at SS13 and tries to push his buttons…ss13 holds back because he could really hurt ss12, he’s that much bigger and stronger.

What ss12 said about the incident was that he was horsing around with another kid and someone got pushed by accident…so that kid turned around and punched ss12 in the face, leaving a red mark on his forehead. That might also be possible. FH and I don’t know which story is true. Especially considering ss12 is a clone of his bm who is the kind that will pick and prod and manipulate until you want to take a swing at her (been through that nonsense with her myself).

BM decided that ss12 is banned from hockey for 2 weeks. That means he’ll miss practices, plus the games. They are on a winning streak and are going to states. It’s a big deal for everyone (those who understand this stuff that is lol). FH thinks that bm is being way too harsh…but bm always accuses fh of being too lenient with the boys. I’m somewhere in the middle where I feel that ss needs to be disciplined in some way for what happened but not to the extent of being banned from the season-deciding games.

What makes it more complex is that since I am just fw or gf or whatever, I don’t have to take them to hockey any time…I only do what I choose to do because it is not legally or ethically my job to do it…they have a bm who is in every sense supposed to be responsible for them. So consequently, she has been forced to take the boys to hockey on the nights they’re with her…she’s being forced to pull her weight and do her part.(Ha ha!) So she’s pissed off in general and can’t wait for fh to marry me and put all the work on me…So, this seems like a way for her to get out of having to do hockey. She’d like nothing better than to not be responsible and to not have to take them to their games/practices and this seems like a perfect way out of it. So I know part of why she’s banning hockey is for her own selfish reasons.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how to handle this situation. I’ve told fh that he should go talk to the principal and see what happened so he can also show the school that he’s interested and an active-type dad(not a deadbeat). And we’ve agreed that bm’s punishment plan is way to severe so we’re thinking of maybe making him sit out one game, but go to practice (because they hate practice and that’s punishment enough we feel). But I also suggested we could just skip the hockey punishment altogether and go with writing an essay or community service instead.

BM has been unfair to the kids in every way. She’s punished unjustly, and not been consistent with anything…sometimes allowance, sometimes not…basically, she’s a trainwreck when it comes to parenting and expects us to jump on board but we’re not.

I wouldn’t be involved at all, but fh has been doing super-good in therapy...our relationship is back on track and going great... and he wants me to be involved in everything including co-parenting. I’m offering suggestions that I feel might be fair to everyone so as to not step on toes…and ultimately the final say will come down to fh what he wants to do. But I am definitely looking for input from you all who have been there done that.