DH leaving for 5 days
Well, DH informed me that at the end of Feb he'll be gone for 5 days (he's a pilot) on a trip. Of course, the skids will be here all of those days. I don't think he really gets how difficult it is to manage the BD9mo plus SD11 and SS9 alone. I'm already cringing....Boy Scouts, 4H, blah blah. He gets all sulky with me when I tell him I'm not thrilled with this. I explained to him that when he's gone for long stretches its like I'm a single parent. He looks at me dumbfounded as to why I'd be mad. Hmmmm, I'm juggling an 11yr old who still bedwets (can you say 2 loads of laundry each day just for her), a 9 year old who is whiny and downright defiant, and a 9 month old. I get so ticked off that both DH and BM have jobs that come before everything and everyone else. Out of all the "parents", I'm the only one providing stability and consistency and Oh that's right, I don't even have any legal rights when it comes to these skids. DH's comment was "We'll you're home with the baby anyway......so what's the big deal?" I swear there are times I feel more like the nanny....without pay ! :O
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a few questions...
Do you and your DH have primary custody, or do DH and BM share custody?
Would your DH be willing to ask his parents, family or some family friends to watch the skids? Then they could get quality time with their loved ones and are in good, trustworthy hands, and you can have some peace & quiet for yourself and BD.
About the bed-wetting...your DH should call SDs doctor and see what advice they offer. Maybe she has a medical condition, or maybe she's having issues that could be helped by getting treatment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. Either way, for her sake, he needs to get to the root of what is causing the bedwetting.
You and all the other SMs on here are saints for what you put up with from the BMs, BFs/DHs/fiances, and the skids. I swear, it's like sometimes our DHs/BFs/fiances have no effing clue about what it's like to look after so many kids at once! We have no legal rights, and many of us don't have partners that back us up. Yet, we are expected to love the skids as we would our own. It makes NO sense. Even if they're all good kids (and it sounds like your skids are fairly good, please correct me if I'm wrong), watching several kids at once with no help is very tiresome and difficult. Another option: would you consider having a family member/friend that the skids know and like come over to help you watch the kids when DH is gone?
Catlover do you and DH have
Catlover do you and DH have full custody of the skids? I would absolutely not take care of his kids for those 5 days - they are not your responsibility!! If DH is going to be away then BM should get them - period!! If neither of them can do it then it is their job as the parents of these kids to make arrangements for them. This is ridiculous that you get stuck taking care of his kids just because you are home.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
We have 50/50 placement
We currently have the skids on a rotation of 5 days by us, then 4 by BM, then 5 days by us. It's supposed to be 50/50 but we end up having them closer to 60% of the time. BM is "unable" to take the skids on any other days other than this rotation because she works 24 hour shifts as an EMT.
Oh boy
It sounds like you are out of luck then. Your H can't cancel his "trip" since it is work. Maybe a relative nearby.....MIL??
Start having the sd11 do her
Start having the sd11 do her laundry sheets, and pjs that she wet. We did this w/my sd.. and it STOPPED. Not saying they all do it on purpose, but some do. Have her strip the bed when she gets up.. and take it directly to the wash, then call her over when that is done and have her transfer it to the dryer.. then call her back when the drying is done, and have her make her bed right there and then. If she has school.. she can do it when she gets home. If they are being inconvienenced.. then it may just stop.
We also have special covers on the mattresses, to avoid them getting ruined.. she didnt like that either.
Good Idea
From FinMA-I would get mattress covers and teach SD to do her own laundry (taught my Bio kids (boys) how to do their own laundry at 10-they were not bedwetters, but it is good for them to learn).
There has to be a better way than you having to look after skids for 5 days in a row-at least you get a break with them in school.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
those are great ideas
I'd get them started on them like now-ish if not sooner.
I get where you're coming from because I feel alot like you. The bm in my life isn't very much of a mother or a human being for that matter but that's another thing... Anyways, I get the same as you...kind of dumped on because fh has to be away, and bm is irresponsible, so I become the home and center of stability. I didn't really sign up for this particular role...I figured the bm would take her share of the workload since she did actually give birth to these kids...but she doesn't do diddly squat. I'm the one fixing boo-boos, feeding an army of hungry boys, and making sure they do their homework and are learning how to become responsible adults one day. I feel very tired sometimes because I feel like a hired nanny or a circus lion-tamer trying to slap some order on all his chaos, and do it in a loving way, and trying to keep the peace, all while making sure the things I'm doing are going to help the boys grow up right. It's a very daunting job, one I'm sure you relate to. But the one reward i'm personally getting, is seeing good changes in our boys. They've both been to counseling off and on, the younger one for a bit longer...and even the counselor has said what a good improvement he's seen in them. He feels that my stability and patience, etc are really helping the boys with their issues and they are so much improved.
I guess I'm trying to say that although it is at times a thankless, demanding, crappy job, we're helping these kids who actually need a loving, supportive person in their lives.
You can do it!!!
Hugs
I understand!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. Granted, I only have 1 skid, but when my husband goes out of town I feel like a babysitter (who never gets to give the kid back!). I agree with the posts above about getting the kids to start doing some things for themselves. My ss is only 6 and he cleans his room, takes baths independently (for the most part..), gets himself snacks and drinks (I set up a bowl full of healthy snacks so whenever he complains that he's hungry I tell him he can have something out of the bowl), etc...just these few little things have really made it less work for me. I realize it's much more work with more than one, but kids who are 11 and 9 should be able to do MANY things for themselves. I also agree to have the 11 yrold learn how to do her own laundry.
If these bioparents are going to be leaving the childrearing on your plate so often you DEFININTELY need to incorporate some of YOUR rules. It's only fair.