This is getting harder and harder
This is getting harder and harder.
I feel like I am swimming upstream and the current is only getting stronger.
I am at the limits of what I can take at this point. I am worried that the next disrespectful moody comment from SD13 will result in a tirade of words that would be damaging and inappropriate.
Another incident dropping her off at school today almost set me off completely. I dialed her mom up and was going to tell her I was done driving SD anywhere, ever, school included… Her phone was off, so I didn’t get her, probably a good thing. That conversation will only push us further apart.
I started thinking about my wife, the women I fell in love with, and its almost as if she died, and her sister came to live with us to take care of the kids. She looks and acts a lot like my wife but we have no connection.
At the rate I am beginning to reach the end of my rope, and any progress in counseling doesn’t seem to be working to a good end. I have already started contingency planning so that DH, SD, and BD will have quality affordable housing. If my marriage holds on that long we will be in a smaller and less expensive place. It will also be a home that should things fall apart, can be maintained financially.
I am depressed, pissed off, frustrated, hopeless, pathetic, and I really miss my wife.
- MSloan86's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm so sorry...
Contigency plans are good...and sometimes necessary when there is no change in a situation even though you are trying your damndest to make it work.
You're not pathetic...just worn out.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
The single biggest reason
The single biggest reason counseling isnt working is 2 fold. SD13 doesn’t do much of anything around the house. She has 2 chores that take 15 minutes to do. She doesn’t pick up after herself, she expects everything and is extremely disrespectful to her mom and more and more to me as well.
Her mom doesn’t want to listen to anything I say, I’m only seeing the negative. SD went to counseling and she told DW that SD was spoiled, an extreme sense of entitlement, and refuses responsibilities for her actions. Things briefly got better when I was backed up by a professional. But DW fell back into the routine of doing as she is told by SD to keep her happy and not pull away as all teens tend to do.
She also just blocks it out and puts it away. She grew up in an home with an alcoholic, and they can be very good at pretending noting is wrong on the outside. I cant play pretend much longer.
As far as downsizing, there are reasonable explainations. Its very expensive to heat, and taxes r high. Ive had major back surgery and I cant keep maintaining the yard and beast of a driveway in the winter. The house itself is too big and we cant keep seem to keep it clean.
gosh i wish i had advice for u
i can tell from ur posts how much u love ur wife and ur BD and how badly u want it to work. i just dont know how u can get thru to her.
would temporarily leaving or giving her an ultimatum? or woudl that make it worse? she needs some kind of wake up call is all im saying..
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I cant really leave
I cant really leave temporarily but I have thought about it... I dont have any place to go for free. Maybe a night at a friends but nothing more than that. We barely make ends meet as it is. She will be returning to work in 3 - 6 months hopefully.
Eventually she will get the ultimatum, which I think makes things worse in the end. I need her to have an epiphany in couseling. I'm not willing to medicate myself into oblivion so that I dont care. I am medicated now with mild antidepressant and anti anxiety meds just to hang on and keep my focus.
yeah i understand that
just last wkend i had a huge fight w DH and said to one of my gfs, i wish i had the money to go to a hotel! im in a new state w no family here and no friends i coudl impose on like that.
hopefully that epiphany will come for her. do NOT overmedicate as that will only be a temporary solution.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Dont you hate taking Skid to school
I certainly do. I have to take my SD9 to school every Monday on our weekends. She is snotty and moody, it is literally a 5 block trip. But she still manages to fight with me and BS2, he usually is crying by the time she gets out. And to boot, we have a van. There is no reason for her to sit directly next to my son for the ride, she does just to fight and pick at him. Grrrr.....
I told my H I did not want to wake up BS2 anymore to take her to school Monday mornings and WILL NOT wake up a newborn to take her (I am 7 1/2 mths pregnant). He says "oh yes you will, she is your child too. You will drive her" I know that he works at 5 am so he can't miss the work but come on she is NOT my kid. I am so tired of hearing that. The only good thing about it is that he treats her the same as our other son, same rules, same expectations. I think my SD should just be dropped off at her BMs Sunday night around 8 pm, then we can aviod the hassle....he refuses. Thinks we will have to pay more support, but we already pay the max BM can get out of us. Grrr What an idiot!!
Anyway, sorry for babbling on about myself. I would tell her no, but in my situation I don't seem to have much of a choice. Can your wife drop her off? Would it work in the "family" schedule? For your sake I hope it does.