Can't win for losing
I recently posted about how I felt my 5 1/2 month old marriage was railroaded before it began. How DH shuts me out of everything, never worked with me to establish my rightful place in our household, parented his sons (14 & 16) without rules, expectations, boundaries nor consequences for innapropriate behaviour, etc. etc. Well, I moved out yesterday. I didn't tell DH the exact day I planned to move but I told him enough so that if he paid any attention he could have figured it out. I've read somewhere that the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to leave a SO. Now DH isn't physically abusive in any way but I wanted everything to be as drama free as possible.
I only took from the house what I brought there from my previous residence. That included our bedroom furniture. I left the chest of drawers DH used and purchased him a new queen mattress set. DH told me last night to have the store pick the mattresses back up because they would never be used in his house. He called this morning to tell me to pick up my chest because I took everything else that was mine. I also took a desk from OSS's room that belongs to a bedroom set my sister loaned to us for my son to use.
DH says he isn't mad but I could have told him I was moving out yesterday. He says that I'm blaming everything on him. He's the one that would not talk about anything. I'm not very hopeful for the future. My plan was to live in different households and hope that DH would agree to counseling to work on our issues so that we could stay together. DH has never met me halfway on anything since we've been married. I guess I can expect more of the same.
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I'm Sorry
Such a difficult time for you! Too bad he does not want to work on the marriage.
Take care!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
He did refuse counseling
He did refuse counseling when I first asked. I was hoping my leaving would warm him up to the idea. I guess I really wasn't that important to him in the first place.
I'm really sorry to hear this
I don't think he's making it hard on you at all. In fact, it sounds like he isn't the least bit bothered that you left. When I left my exH I had hoped it would be a kick in the pants for him but it had the complete opposite effect.
You always know by a man's actions exactly where you stand in his life.
Sorry!
Sorry to hear you are going through this but if he has refused counseling in the past do you think that he will go now because you have left? You got a 50/50 shot there but if you have been so miserable for all this time maybe, just maybe you should leave your husband alone to think for awhile and let him come forward - you can't make him change he is going to want to change. Good luck and I hope he gets his head out of his ass - you would like a really nice woman that has gotten stepped on a lot.
So sorry, Kayjay
But I'm not surprised to hear.
If memory serves, your DH is the one who wasn't interested at all about even considering counseling or talking it out at all. He wanted you to make ALL the concessions in this "marriage" , while meanwhile- he changed nothing about his dysfunctional lifestyle.
Did I miss anything?
Oh yeah, I think I missed the part where he told you that if you left, the marriage was OVER.
Doesn't sound like he's taking this marriage, or your feelings, very seriously.
And for that, I'm truly sorry for you.
Good luck with getting your NEW future in order.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Hoping against hope
Your're right, he did say it was over if I left. How did I forget that. Yes, I had the courage to leave but I'm just like so many others, I keep hoping against hope. Hoping the man I thought I married will appear. Moving out so far seems to be the right decision. Thanks for the encouragement.
kayjay-I understand completely where you're coming from
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
And I applaud you for taking a stand.
Like you, I'm in a new marriage (9 months). From the day we said I do, H make it apparent that it was going to be -in order of importance-H, SD17, H's family, H's friends, me, SD14, BS(mine).
We would not be married to this day if I'd had the financial resources to kick him out (yep, the home is mine-tho when SD17 is here, you'd swear I was just the hired help). So that is what I am working towards.
It's obvious that your H will never put you first with him-seems as tho he is more concerned about furnishings than anything.
It's ok to be upset, sad, hurt. With time that will pass. And you will look back on this short marriage as a simple error in judgement, and be happy you escaped before you invested more time in someone who wouldn't invest in you.