She doesnt get it, maybe never will

Ive recently blogged about being ‘setup’ by my DW to be the bad guy, or to keep her from being the bad guy to say no to SD13.

After a recent argument I know she doesn’t get it.

While discussing a potential TV purchase I have been saving for for some time she asked where would I out it. I told her I would put it in the basement. My 2 BILs agreed to help me with the required electrical work and framing out a space. Well she doesn’t seem to like the TV idea at all. She then said I set her up by talking to my BILs behind her back and how is that different from talking to SD about plans then leaving it up to me? She is left being the bad guy! huh? :?

I spoke with my BILs to see if they would be willing to help do this if I was going to do some kind of setup in the future. I didn’t say Im buying a TV and building mantown no matter what W says.

When previously discussing the placement of the TV I mentioned downstairs, so I asked my BiLs about getting some help.

So I can talk to whoever I want but she cant say anything to anyone.

? I just don’t get it. I miss my wife, I really do.

MSloan86's blog
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oh msloan

ur posts really break my heart. i so wish i could offer some good advice or wave a magic wand to make her wake up and open her eyes and see the wonderful husband, father and MAN she is completely shutting out.

hopefully when u go to counseling alone, ur therapist can offer some helpful advice.

until then, big hugs.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I agree with Bella

she just doesn't know how good she has it..... a man that cares for a child that is not his own is about as rare as finding a hidden treasure...... some people amaze me!

Maybe you should let her read these posts

Maybe if she sees that other women are agreeing with you, she will wake up? Or will that just piss her off?? She can't be the only one right and everyone else is wrong, you know.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

10

Sounds like you are married to a 10 year old.

That would explain why the

That would explain why the 13 year old is in charge.

She'll realize what she has

She'll realize what she has done when she is sitting in her house alone with an out of control teenager daughter!! We reap what we sow.....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

She's projecting

plain and simple. She sees her OWN bad behavior (when you call her out on it) and then she's just LOOKING for an example- any close example- that mirrors what she's doing, to "justify" that, "SEE, MSloan, YOU do it, too!"

But it's clearly NOT the same.

You know it. And deep down inside, she knows it, too.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Someone else on this thread had mentioned that you let her read the posts to show her that even other women are in your corner. Given her past issues with your computer use, I just don't think that's a good idea.

You sound like you are really trying with her and she's not willing to meet you half way.

Sounds like a lot of the spouses on this site

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

You Hit the Nail On the Head!!!

5Teensathome. My DH does this too. SUnday we were--once again-- discussing how BM calls him all the time, and yesterday he was trying to get on my case on my male coworker (who is also a mutual friend of ours) asked him if I had found a tenant for my house yet. He had a hissy fit and was like.. "now you tell your business to your coworker, you must talk to him all the time" girl, I cracked up laughing and responded to him that the situation was not at all similar
a) he is my coworker- in a small office, of course we have to talk, we are not mute all day.
b) I have never had a intimate realtionship with my coworker and his wife is also a good friend.
c) of course I mentioned trying to get my house rented.. I tell that to anyone who will listen because they may no someone who is interested in it

MSloan, I agree, your wife is just trying to find similarities because she is not willing to own up to her behavior.

She does that ALL the time

She does that ALL the time regarding finding something I do or have done to excuse SD's behavior. Many cases are totally outrageous and only anger and stress me more.

running scared

sounds like she is afraid to disappoint her daughter cuz that will make her daughter stop loving her...
(insane thinking but that is guilt parenting) and like other guilt parenting parents unless she sees/recognizes what she is doing, she will not stop.

I do not get the logic of guilty parenting.
maybe have her read about this issue (there is plenty of good material out there) instead of letting her read other posts here.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."