Never mind the optimistic post of yesterday-CRASH! today is another day
I hear it coming...and it's constant calls today-so constant I could barely get the bedding washed or go to the P.O. The self-pity, I don't like my life, I hate my job, I don't feel well over and over and over and over again.
I feel the crash coming-I can hear it in his voice. And no matter how sweet I try to be, nothing I say can change it. And of course, he's now due for a few days off...he'll be home right in the midst of the emotional drop.
And of course, now he wants to plan to go somewhere out of town-like maybe Friday thru Tuesday. I knew it. I just knew he would do this to me. Class starts Monday. I've paid almost $1,000 to enroll-and he wants me to be gone, on the road, the first day...I can't believe him. I tried to tell him he'll have to go alone if he wants to go on a trip--he sure didn't like that idea.
Damn him! He knows how important this is...he knows its the very base of the next two years, and he's gotta throw this at me. We discussed this before I signed up, before I handed over the check...we discussed how I wouldn't be able to take off at the drop of a hat...So much for discussing things with him.
I am so frustrated.
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Bewitched
Please don't let him try to keep you from pursuing your goals. This is what you need to do in order to make a better life for yourself, with or without him.
He reminds me of my stepfather, how he used to try to sabotage anything good my mother tried to do for herself. It didn't matter what it was, he always tried to control her and keep her isolated. I remember once she went on a diet...he started bringing loads of candy, donuts, and ice cream in the house. He made it clear he didn't want her, yet he didn't want anyone else to want her either. After 30+ years of marriage she finally had enough and left him, but in the meantime she put up with his crap when he was home. Her only saving grace was that he worked away all week and was home only on weekends (sound familiar?)
I had a feeling that your last post, describing how nice he was being to you, was just the calm before the storm. In fact, I wanted to tell you not to fall for it, that it was just a ploy, but you were so happy I didn't want to rain on your parade.
I totally agree with you, Sasha
"I had a feeling that your last post, describing how nice he was being to you, was just the calm before the storm. In fact, I wanted to tell you not to fall for it, that it was just a ploy, but you were so happy I didn't want to rain on your parade."
You beat me to the punch.
BW- DO NOT let him do ANYTHING to derail your plans. He's desparate- plain and simple. He knows you have a plan and he's trying anything he can to get you to not go through with it. Please don't let him do it!!!
Stay strong. Stay on course and stay focused on YOU!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
sabotage
He is manipulating you. He is trying every tactic he can think of to cement you in.
Interestingly, BM has a history of doing this herself. Before we got custody, BM told SD she could sign up for basketball, and agreed to take her to practice/games, or have DH take her if she felt she couldn't on her day. Then, she claimed to SD she didn't know how to get to the practices (I think BM only agreed because she didn't realize the practices weren't at the school, and thought she'd have no contribution to make to SD getting there.) She would take SD to a movie instead, "Wasn't that MORE fun than stupid b-ball practice?" Or claim SD was too sick to go (even though BM had an inside high dander dog, despite Ped Dr stating no dogs allowed back then) or took SD out to eat or shopping after claiming to have followed directions DH sent and not being able to find it.
SD finally dropped out because she felt like she sucked, and BM encouraged her that B-ball probably wasn't for her.
BM still baits and switches with SD. I think it's a BP/BPD thing. A way to try to convince someone that you are really looking out for what's best for them, all the while it's your own selfish and self centered interests you are nurturing.
I'm sorry to hear it was a quick fall from grace, but look at it this way. As the great Maya Angelou says-
"When people show you who they are, believe them. THE FIRST TIME.
Be thankful your H is showing you straight away, and reminding you this quickly why you set all these plans into motion.
Stay true to you BW. Don't go on the trip. Get ye to thy class!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I agree with Sita!
Classic controlling features
He is exhibiting classic OCD controlling features - and last week when he was nice as only because he already planned on dropping this on you - don't let him win this, if he does your classes are doomed. You have to show him this is more important to you then his plans - stand up now or you will have to endure more and more of his sabatoge
I think he really needs the
I think he really needs the right medication or the right dose if he is already on medication. Dude ain't right.
i agree w everyone
do NOT let him bring u down or stop u from doing what u NEED to do. everyone above said it perfectly--hes manipulating u and dont let him. think of how miserable and unhappy he makes u and take every step needed to change that and get the hell away from him
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Total control freak, BW..
DO NOT under any circumstances let him interfere with your schooling. If he scares you or threatens you in ANY WAY, you get on the HORN with police and have his BUTT MARCHED out of there.
Enough is enough already. Why are you the one being "sweet" when he is so miserable to you? He is TERRIFIED that you are going to dump him...maybe it's time that HE be scared for a change. GOOD!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I am so taking this class-even tho I can now see he's going to
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
make it as hard on me as he can. And I still have 2 resumes out there for jobs...both were accepting applications until mid-January, so I'm not too upset yet that I havent heard back.
I have a little fantasy tho-to get thru the next 2 1/2 years of school, come out earning a pretty good salary. Then dictate to H how every dime will be spent :evil:. Just as he is doing to me.
Wouldn't it feel good, just once, to be the major wage earner, and tell H - gee, I'm NOT paying SD17's phone, car insurance, vehicle repairs, gas...Just a little fantasy...
Bewitched
Hopefully by then you will be able to dictate to him how to pack his stuff and get the hell out of your life!
Woo hoo Sasha!
I couldn't have said it better myself!!
BW, this is ONE FANTASY that you WILL make reality!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm Glad You're Staying On Track
I agree with everyone else ~ he see's that you're trying to stand on your own, and knows that you can do it without him. It's pure manipulation on his part! Stay strong, I know you can do it!
Yep, it's sabotage!
He just doesn't want you to go and is trying everything he can think of to stop you. Don't let him.