Curled up in a ball and crying
OMG - Monday (today) is switch day and this is supposed to be BMs week - but guess what she called and said she couldn't take the skids because she has no transportation - car broke down. She got me. I got to be honest and tell you all I am really going through it. SD is so hateful and steals I am in constant worry over what is she going to take next and H will not will only get mad at me if sd does something bad. Last night I was telling myself this past week wasn't so bad - SD spent a few nights with a cousin last week so I thought I made out good, and now today she will be here two full weeks in a row (maybe more). I come home and she is in my seat in the living room glaring at me. All I can think is I can't do this. H is going to be hateful for two straight weeks (he is hateful and cold when SD is here - when she is not here he is so loving and sweet). My heart is breaking because I am...
1. Mad at myself for having these what I deem selfish thoughts - I should welcome SD with open arms
2. Heart broke because I just know H is going to be so mean and cold for the next two weeks straight (maybe longer) - a lot of times when she is here he won't even sleep in our room - he only does these things when she is here.
3. Feeling guilty because SD will be hateful to bio son and he will beg not to come home (he will beg and cry to stay at his grandparents) now I have to be torn between having him home with me and him suffering her hatefulness or him escaping her and staying with his grandparents (but then I have to be away from my own son).
I told myself on the drive home from work to make the best of it, be accepting, make the best of it. But when I walked in the door and she was sitting there glaring my heart turned to stone. I am so jaded against her I just don't know how to overcome this. I have disengaged from her but know I have this mental block that I can't stand seeing her in my house. to make matters worse my BS stayed at his grandparents tonight - H said he was asleep when he picked them up (H picks the kids up after school because he gets off earlier than me). I miss my son. I am in tears and I am so mad at myself for being so bitter toward this 13 yr old child (sd). But she is so manipulative and hateful. She is working H and BM against each other (telling each of them that the other one is being mean to her and yelling at her). I pray please God help me get over the way I feel about SD and please God help SD change her manipulative and hateful ways. Please God let my son feel like he is loved in my home.
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What horrible lives have we built for ourselves by
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
marrying these men????
Raz, you're a strong woman. And this is heartbreaking. Do you love your H so much that you will continue to feel no peace even at home? This type of daily life is not healthy. How long have you been married? In only 6 short months after I married H, I ended up having to be on not one, but three medications...and I was med free before we married.
What cost is too great?
i hope things get better for you soon....
You should not have to leave your son at the grandparents so that the sd witch does not upset him. But if that is what is necessary maybe a couple of days could be beneficial for your son.
Seems like sometimes men need a swift kick in the rear to handle business.
I am sorry i didn't have any thing more substancial to say - but I hope things do get better for you.
I hope by the time my sd gets to that age - she has out grown the things her mother is teaching her..... or i will be in the same boat.
DON'T be mad at yourself for
DON'T be mad at yourself for your thoughts. I think it all has to come out sit every one down and let it all out do family cousling if needed. Some how make your husband see what is happening. KIck him in the AZZ if ya have to. BE heard especially for your son. YOu have a right to happiness and life is to short to except anything less. (thats my new motto for life) Like you said a 13 yr old child, don't let her beat you, your the adult.
No anger at yourself...
Don't be upset with yourself. Sounds like you and h need therapy. He needs to figure out why he's so hateful to you when she's around. My h does the same thing but not that bad. As far as your son is concerned, I would shower as much attention and affection on him as you possibly can and just ignore h and sd until she leaves. Make your own little world with your boy. I do it all the time, trust me, it works! I know it's easier said than done but for every hateful thing your h or sd throw at you, do something loving for someone else...
hate and anger create wrinkles...don't let a snotty little biatch make you wrinkled!!
My thoughts exactly
The problem is twofold:
*H needs to figure out why H is different when she is there
*SD definitely needs counseling
And Raz, have YOU been to talk to anyone- for just YOU? If things are this bad, maybe it's time to speak to someone for your own emotional well-being.
I know that it's helped me immensely to talk to someone. Heck, I was the ONLY one in this WHOLE dysfunctional family who WAS seeing anyone! DH would get so frustrated and yell at me and say, "You need to see a professional."
Yeah, ok a$$hole. You are "Captain Oblivious" when it comes to parenting your kids. Your daughter has SERIOUS emotional issues. Your EX is BPD, and I'M the ONE who needs to see a professional???
But little did he know that I WAS seeing someone. And it did help.
And BBB is so right- dote on your own son as much as you can and take pleasure from him.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
YOu should not
be mad at yourself for having perfectly natural feelings about your situation. I would suggest counseling for you and DH together and for sure with someone by yourself. Can't DH take SD home?
I agree...
It's not your fault...why would you be happy to see someone who is driving a wedge into your marriage and home?
I don't like that your DH is different when SD is there...he sounds conflicted and guilty to the point where
he feels he has to choose...can't stand up to SD and say this is my wife, deal with it.
YOU should come first. Maybe you should stay with your parents, too--leave him and SD alone.
That would send a message...
Same here
"H is going to be hateful for two straight weeks (he is hateful and cold when SD is here - when she is not here he is so loving and sweet)"
My H is usually the same way---I asked him why but he says he doesn't know. If my H doesn't like when his daughter is around maybe she shouldn't come over. But I know I could never be that lucky! Hell I don't mind paying BM to take care of her---is lessens my load.
Can you maybe
Can you call BM and say, you know what, I've got plans so I will drop SD off to you. That way you come off as helping out BM and getting a break from SD. If BM then comes up with another excuse as to why she can't have SD then she just doesn't want to be bothered with her own kid. At which point I would probably look for a way to get my visitation back. Meaning if BM foregoes this week, then she will have to take a weekend that you would normally have SD.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.