I feel so bad for you. Please get out of that relationship if you can.

Who does he think he is. He should not be able to talk to you or treat you that way.

You are a woman who should be treated as such.

Get rid of that bum.

If you are committed to kicking this abuser to the curb, your family will certainly have your back. It seems they have seen what H is and how he treats you, and no doubt they will be hugely helpful as you regain your sanity and freedom away from this man and his spawn.

Reading your post is a bit uncomfortable for me because it so reminds me of my EX. Same deal--he was a weak man who could only feel good about himself when he thought he was making others feel terrible. I was always doing things "wrong." I was a "bad mother" and "lazy" (worked 2 jobs while he didn't work at all). No matter how I walked on eggshells and tried to be perfect to make the marriage work, he would always find fault and let me know what a loser I was. Finally, our marriage counselor took me aside one day and told me I should get a divorce. Best advice I ever got!

My mistake was staying long enough in the marriage that I got used to the constant verbal abuse and put-downs, and lost my self-esteem. I became a hollow shell. You, on the other hand, are aware of the abuse and what your H is attempting to do to you. You don't have to wait years to get your head straight!

This marriage is just a speedbump you need to get over in 2009. I know you will do exactly that and be better for it!

Abusers SUCK.

If you have to get a restraining order on him. You have your son and sister witnessing his threatening behavior. Call legal aid to see if they can help. A lot of states will give you an annulment if you have been married less than a year and have lived apart for the majority of that time. I hope you have more strength than I do. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

him control you. He's trying his best to prove to you how much you need him, because without him you are obviousally nothing right? Wrong. It's time to show him just how wrong. And I understand what you mean by if you didn't answer the phone it would be worse, the ass chewing when you finally did have to talk to him would be unbearable. He's a controlling man Bewitched. He wants to make you believe you don't amount to the crap on his precious daughters shoe. Because the less you feel for yourself the more you will depend on him. The further down the hole you will go, you will have to have him or you can't make it! That's what he's trying to do. Go to an attorney tomorrow, he will have to pay you spousal support. Go get on food stamps, and what ever else goverment assistance you can get until you can get on your feet. It may sound degrading, but nothing is worse than what you are going through right now. You need help, and that's why I got to work.....that's what MY taxes pay for.....and I'm glad they do. You go get the help, the assistance you need, see an attorney, get a restraining order on the fruitcake. The judge will grant it because of you being scared, and if you mention the holding you down and spitting in your eye there will be no question.

Pack up your shit and go stay with your family. It may uncomfortable, not ideal, but do what it takes to get out of this. It will get hard when you are uncomfortable, not in your own home, wondering how to pay the bills. But it will also get better, you will start to get out of this shell he's put you in. You'll start to remember who you were before this asshole whipped you down to the person you are right now.

Do you remember the girl you were before? You are still her Bewitched. Don't let him kill her and turn her into the model of a wife he expects and is trying to brain torture you into becoming.

There are many forms of abuse. What he does to you is ABUSE. It's not just arguing, it's mental abuse. Say it outloud. Recgonize that you are being abused. He has no right to do this to you, and you have no right to continue letting him.

F the excuses, no job, money, etc. Just do it and it will all work out. I promise you it will. Come stay with me and my husband!!! And if I love you that much just from knowing you on here I know you have friends and family that will take you in, take care of you, and help you through this.

When you break out of this, the blinders will come off. You'll be amazed at what you have allowed him to do to you. Please stop.

You need to get out of there now. There will be a transition house somewhere local to you that you can go to immediately. Call your local police, tell them you are afraid of your husband's escalating eratic bipolar behaviour, and you need to leave immediately. They will most likely escort you there personally.

I know, your first thought is no, I can wait, or I'm not destitute so therefore I shoulnd't. I've been abused, worse then you, but your situation is starting to get very dangerous. Do not pay any mind to who may or may not be there just go, just do it.

The people who work in transition houses are very nice and it will not be as uncomfortable or as traumatic as you may think. Once you are out of there, the weight will come off your shoulders and you will sigh and relax.

I'm really really serious about you leaving in the manner I described the next time he so much as opens his mouth. Any legal separation type things can and will be dealt with later. You need to leave asap.

I work in the social service industry. I've dealt with many many different types of mental illness. Your husband is not doing well, but this is no your responsibility. He should be able to recognize symptoms in himself by now and if not, then he has no insight into how his illness is affecting others. You will not be able to relate to his line of thinking so do not even try, these are not reasonable logical people. They are always the victim, think in black or white terms, you are either with him or against him.. get my drift.

You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself. You are worth it.

We all smile in the same language

This guy lives in YOUR home..YOURS, not his and not his daughters..Yours, Yours, Yours. I wouldn't answer that cell phone if someone paid me a million dollars!! Your letting him control your, your house, your life, and your mental and emotional well being.

Kick his ass out!! Take a job as a motel maid or at a fast food resturant if you have to why you look for something better. Just take a job that will bring you in some money and find a roomate to help meet expenses if you have too. Girl, anything would be better then living in that mess and with that jerk!

Hugs,

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. disgusted

BW-I really feel for you it sounds like you had a totally crap-tacular Christmas!

I've found that when I'm dealing with my BF when he is acting irrationally about SD and wants to start a fight, I just race him to the nuclear option. I tell him if it sucks SO bad with me, we can just sell the house and be done! I'll call the real estate agent right now and help him pack.

We used to have massive fights and where he would just belittle me and then threaten all this BS stuff he was never going to follow through on. But the stuff he would stay would just tear me up inside and get me all worked up. One day I got tired of it and I used the nuclear option. If it suck so bad then go, I'm not going to try and stop you. It was like a little light bulb went on in his head and he was like well I'm upset, but not so upset I want to end this!!! It was like I took back the power in the argument. Now when I feel a disagreement is spiraling out of scope-- I just use the nuclear option. Obviously I don't use the nuclear option very often, because you have to be able to express why you are upset without someone saying "fine we are done" 10 minutes into your issue.

Obviously this probably won't work for you the same way it works for me since you are making plans for your exit ( and I think you are doing the right thing, we all have our line in the sand), but just know that his threats are his power play. You have power too, like the fact that you own the house, and can invite him to leave (or have the cops kick him out).

Take any jobs that come up and go after him for alimony! I'll be thinking about you. Good Luck.

has pretty much said everything, I will say only this.....
HUGS to you my friend and please get out of there before this escalates further. By the way, check in your area for women's shelters...you may need to "hide" for a while!

That is awful, you should get rid of him as soon as possible. Do you have any joint assets?

BW - I do not have anything to say that hasn't already been said by everyone else. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you are able to get him the hell out of your life as soon as possible.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Change the locks and throw this bum out now!!!! I know everyone has already said that, but it cannot be stressed enough.
You say you've been waiting to get a job and straighten out some debt he put you in, screw it.
If it were me, I'd file bankruptcy before I'd let this asshole rule my life anymore. They can't take your home and they can't take one of your cars if you continue to pay for it. More than likely if you live in one of those states that allows it, you'll get alimony from the creep. Whatever financial woes are holding you back, you've gotta realize that nothing is that important. You will find a way to make do with this.
Okay, well the job part is important, but take anything, start applying EVERYWHERE - McDonald's, convenience store anything. I know it may seem low compared to what you normally work out,but nothing can be more demeaning than being married to someone who makes you feel as low as this guy does, and having a constant reminder with his awful behaviour that you made a poor choice in partner. GET RID OF HIM! NOW! I'm actually kind of afraid for you. He seems so unstable.
Then after you change the locks and get yourself a gun and/or large, vicious dog if STBX is driving a car in your name, report it stolen.
Oh ya and a LOT of lawyers take credit cards! Hope you already talked to yours and he's working up the papers.

Get rid of his ass Bewitched - The sooner the better. I cannot believe the nerve he has. He's living rent free, in your home, being catered to by you and he and his family treat you like absolute shit!

For a mans perspective, I read some of your posts to my husband. He sat here with his mouth open, like he was shocked. We're both amazed you haven't "done him in" in his sleep,

Talk to an attorney - Like Crayon said, once you talk to one they can't talk to him. If you live in a town as small as you say, that will leave him with having to search for an attorney. But get those consultations, get the process going, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER, and when he and his kids are gone, have the locks changed and put their crap outside.

Hugs to you, I know how hard it is to work up the courage to do all this. I'm praying for you.

You haven't said when your son is leaving but I would file for divorce ASAP and I would also call the cops and have them be there when he removes his things. He is going to go in to a rage and you need a restraining order. He is an abuser and you have taken an emotional beating. I know everyone here has told you the same thing and I agree but let me tell you I was in your situation ONCE and I had a 4 year old and w/out my exF income I was pretty screwed but I threw my ex out to save my own sanity. I would rather have NOTHING then to be treated like they way that you are now. And I have been treated like you are being treated AND even though I walked around on eggshells one day he got so mad he through me in to a wall and knocked me unconscious. This is where you are headed if you do not get away from this man. Do not blame yourself - we are not psychics and we all make mistakes how did you really know that he was going to turn in to this abusive monster. Please keep us updated - and remember your family is there for you and they will have your back on this. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE. A big hug to you and I'm sure we will all be waiting for your post that he is gone.