Rant of the Day
Just a minor rant. I feel this helps… Even if it isnt too interesting.
So every day, I take SD13 to school on my way to work. She goes to Catholic school out of town so there is no bus. Its not too much out of my way and isnt that big of a deal.
Last year there was a point in time at work where the bosses were watching everyone about when they got in to the minute. I don’t have a specific MUST BE IN AT 8 job but at the time, they wanted us in at 8. To do that I needed SD in my car at 7, not 7:05… or 7:10. It was a daily fight and constantly updating her what time it was or she would be late.
If you didn’t remind her of the time she would flip shrieking ‘why didn’t you twll me it was almost time to go!’ When you remind her regularly is irritated her and you always got the attitude.
On 2 different occasions I left without her. Her mom then had to pack up the baby and take SD to school. She was then late.
This year is different. I don’t have to be at my desk at 8 on the dot so Im not worried about getting out the door at 7. However, SHE will be late for school if we leave anytime after 7:10… She typically isnt ready until then, and I don’t worry about it.
I am ready to go everyday by 7. I spend those 10 minutes with my BD2 as she watches something on PBS, usually Curious George. Around 7:10 I figure SD will soon be ready so I head downstairs. She is still in the bathroom and follows me down within a minute. I go out to the car and realize I forgot something and run back in for it. This takes 30 seconds and we are off.
2 minutes into the ride SD is cranky and states ‘Im going to be late” in a huff. Doing my best to not get irritated because that only negatively effects me, I say ‘We left when we were ready so Id say be ready earlier.’ I was pleased with how calmly I said it and how calmly I felt about it. She however got pissy saying ‘Don’t blame me, you’re the one who forgot something.’ I just smiled with a light laugh and told her she wasn’t going to be late because I ran into the house for a second. If she is ready earlier then we will leave earlier. She claimed she was ready for awhile and was waiting for me. (She was in the bathroom as always. So that’s where she spends her free time I guess.)
If she is ready she can let me know, and she can count on it that I am ready at 7 because that is the plan, has been all year. She isnt ready to go until 7:10 so I spend the time with BD2 and/or talking to my wife. See seems to think I should be standing by the door so we can go the moment she is ready. Not one second before or later.
It has driven me crazy how she isnt capable of being on time. My wife sint great either but nothing compared to SD.
According to my wife, being on time is a skill she doesn’t have. To me always being late is the inability to consider others. The only skill required is the ability to tell time.
The rest of the ride to school went the same as everyday. She put on her headphones for her video ipod and started texting on her cellphone. (Poor kid has nothing) No words are spoken during the 20 minute ride. I drop her off and wish her a good day. She slams door saying nothing 9 times out of 10.
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Comments
SD13
Doesn't seem to appreciate you one bit. You're pretty strong to not get irritated so easily with her. I'm not that strong and so SD8 annoys me to no end.
Maybe you should tell SD13 to walk to school from now on especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate you taking her.
What does wifey think about this?
I do get irritated with her
I do get irritated with her pretty easily. Ive realized that it changes nothing but adds to my stress and I have enough. If she wants to be miserable and pissy, I let her. Why should I have to be miserable too?
There are plenty other opportunities for her to irritate. This one I was able to make it through with a smile, and I think that irritated her!
Wifey probably thinks
the same as all the other dads in our situations.......we should just take her to school and shut up! HAHA
What about...
Setting all the clocks ahead 10 minutes? I'd think of it as a tool to help SD to be on time.
I'd also ask wife to be the one to remind SD what time it is in the morning - have her be the one to nag SD to get ready.
FYI-Teen girls do spend a lot of time in the bathroom, that's normal. When I was a teen, my dad was so sick of my sister and I spending all of our time in the bathroom that he removed all the electrical outlets in the bathroom. That pretty much stopped us - I don't recommend you get that extreme.
~BettyRay
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"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser
Ive stopped reminding her.
Ive stopped reminding her. I did wake her up one morning 20 minutes before we had to leave when I noticed her light wasnt on. Of course thats not her fault, me or her mom should have checked on her.
My wife tends to try and squeeze in her own shower before I leave. I also think my wife avoids anything that might lead to a confrontation with the SD.
Setting the clocks ahead would be easily caught onto, then ignored. If she wanted to try and be on time, she would. Its really not that hard.
:)
You know what my dad used to do when we didn't get up when he said it was time to get up? Sick the dogs on us... we had a german shepherd and a siberian husky... so they would hop onto our beds, lick our faces, stick their wet noses in our ears (feels awkward) until we finally got up. I honestly think my dad trained them to do that.
Maybe try waking her up a little earlier?
what about telling her 7?
and then when she cant be on time for that, at least u have alittle buffer zone?
i hate to tell u this, but if ur wife isnt willing to make some changes w HER child, then where does that leave u? u cant go on living life feeling so alone. ur BD will adjust if u would separate and the younger she is when that happens, the better it seems to be. i know u would miss your daughter dearly not living w her every day but im sure u would get at least 50% custody/visitation. im not saying to leave ur wife. i hope there is a way of making her open up her eyes and seeing that shes ruining EVERYONE in her family...this is so hard. i just dont think it does ANYONE--child OR parent--any good to stay in a relationship when u ar not happy. thats what marriage is about--being partners and fulfilling each other. if shes not willing to meet u halfway, what doe that say about her commitment to ur marriage?
im sorry--i mean no offense. my DH stayed in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids for way to long. not saying this is your case, but it just kinda hits home. hugs.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
The actual time IS 7...
The actual time IS 7... which has become 7:10.
I know my wife has to be the one to make the biggest effort for change. Im hopeful that she will. She did start to handle things better and my attitude and outlook improved a lot. She just didnt stick with it, like always. SD knows this and knows her mom wont stay on course. My frustrations with SD are because of her mom... I told her in the last big fight my problem isnt so much with SD they were with her and how she created and perpetuates the behavior.
I love my wife. I even love my SD under all my frustrations. I am hanging onto hope I suppose. I do know I dont have another 2 years in me without improvements, maybe 1. This is my 2nd marriage. I never planned to marry again, but I was overwhelmed by my wife… (Not sure how that sounds but I mean it in a good way.)
I married her without a doubt I was doing the absolutely the best thing I had ever done in my life. Its been quite a fall, Im not looking forward to the impact.
i understand
i feel the same way about my DH. wejust got married, but our first year here since i moved in w me, actually from another STATE to be w him, was VERY rocky bc of BM and her bs. there were times when i didnt think we would get thru it. i do understand that feeling of being so overwhelmed w ur partner! i was w DH and he was w me. after one failed marriage and an awful toxic relationship w BM2, he was positive he would be alone and would never put himself out there again.
i think u need to have a come to jesus of sorts. probably not the first time, but maybe it needs to be done. im sure u know exactly what to say and if she starts becoming confrontational just tell her: i am not trying to fight w u...i love u. i am trying to improve (or save) our marriage. (dh always pulls the "i do not want to fight w u, i love u" on me and its quite effective)
if shes unreceptive, *sigh* then i just dont know what to tell u. it seems u have alot of love between u.
i do know that my DH will be on board w something w decide for the skids, and then slip back into old habits. then i give him a swift kick in the arse and he pulls his head out of that arse!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I hate how powerful
they can be sometimes! The DH's I mean.
Me: This is the second time I come home to a dirty house! You are such a slob.
Okay.
DH: You're looking beautiful today, hon.
Me: I left a clean house this morning and now look at it!
DH: I love you.
Me: ... Don't try that with me.
DH: Would you like me to massage your feet?
Me: Really? Wait- no. I want you to keep the house clean!
DH: Do you want me to make dinner tonight?
Me:
He just says the nicest things until I finally give up. He only does this when I'm nagging about something small. But it works all the time. >:( And I hate that.
Does your SD go to
Does your SD go to counseling too our is it just marriage counseling? Do you get along with her or is she always distant with you?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I would put her in the local public school
and she can get there on her own. But that is just me
It's going to take two to save your marriage
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
and it's time for your wife to get on track. The picture is not pretty at all. You live in a house much larger than needed, which is evidently putting a strain on you financially. Your SD goes to Catholic school, again, expensive. The C/S just covers that expense. Your wife does not work outside of the home-which is wonderful for your BD, IF you can afford it. You are shuttling the child to school, then off to work you go.
From your previous post, you cannot afford the little things you looked forward to on the weekends-like golf, etc.
Your spouse does not support you in disciplining her child.
Looks like you're the one compromising - and resenting it-and resenting the lack of respect you get from the SD. All understandable.
My question is this-where does your wife compromise? In what ways does she support you? You mentioned a lack of physical affection, so I guess I'm at a loss here to see what efforts she's putting into your marriage?
not my kid
really I agree with bewitched on this one. WHats up with the wife? SHe needs to help. I do not do skids in the am. I go to work. Not my kid not my problem. Dont get me wrong I help out...but Im not gonna bend over backwards and put my job or myself on the line.