I am so sick of hockey...I really am just sick of it beyond words. They play it 24/7...they dream about it...when they're not playing it they have mini sticks to play on the floor with tiny tiny pucks and nets. Or they're out in the street playing it. Plus all their games and the travel hockey.

So, H tells me Monday they boys are trying out for *yet another* team. Besides their local teams and their travel team, they want to try out for this school team where they get to play with kids from the higher grades. I'm sure it's a big deal to them.
So, H tells me that it's the school team so the school takes them on buses, etc...you know, how school activities are that WE don't have to pay for.

So anyways, the boys both make it(yay for them!!) and I'm proud. But then I hear from SS12 that there's no bus and we've got to drive them. This is in addition to all the driving for the other team stuff. So I told H that he's on his own as far as getting them there cuz I'm thru.

H had told me that the school was responsible, but now he claims he didn't say that cuz he wasn't ever sure. I'm like, "Oh, so you never bothered to even check into this thing before you let them get all involved?!" So he's backpeddling and trying to think of a new lie and I'm like, "Ugg...you've been caught in a lie, deal." And I said, "You know what, I'm just tired of all the drama. I'm not even mad. I'm not going to bother with any complaining because it doesn't change anything. I'll just go along and tow the line. I'm not miserable or unhappy...I'll just do exactly what you want and never complain. In fact I'm not complaining now. It'll be good for you to take the boys all over the state and spend *even less* time at home and have even less time for us. Just don't complain to me because I don't want to hear it."
So he tries to say he wants to talk, but because our talks always end up in drama with him really mad and me crying, I say I'm done talking because we obviously suck at it so lets not. I said I would rather we didn't talk about anything anymore. We can just do whatever it is we do and if I'm hurt or upset or whatever, i'll just stuff it all down inside and hold it in because that seems to be what you want. I'll just tow the line and shut up.

H didn't know what to do,so he turns into me trying to make things right and talk about it and blah blah blah...but I was in no mood to hear. I said that I'll just suffer in silence and that will be that.

He texted me after I went to work to tell me how nice I look today especially.LOL I made a deliberate effort today (not that I don't everyday, but today a little more) to look sexy...extra sexy. I wanted to remind him w/o saying a word, that I can choose to be with him but I can also choose to be w/o him...I could easily find someone else and I wanted him to be reminded of that in a subtle way.lol

I think he got the hint. I hope he'll try to communicate better now that he knows I'm not going to be the psychologist of the relationship and always try to fix things. It's time he fixes things because it seems that he keeps screwing them up.

Maybe I was a little bad to play these kinds of games with him...not communicating, letting him worry about me getting all sexed up and going out in public(LOL), but I feel I had to do it because he completely takes me for granted. I mean, we had those day-long dramas over us not spending enough "time together" according to him, and now he allows this so that there's even less time together...unless I tow the line and get into hockey and go to the games with him, which of course means up giving up things I want to do and having couples time doing things I want to do togeter. I don't know. I just feel like I'm overworked, overstressed and underappreciated...and I feel completely alone all the time because he's living his life throug the kids and I'm left alone. I realize I could go too, but I want a life that's more than kid hockey. I don't think that's too much to ask...
Thanks for listening to my long vent. Hugs to all.