Hello again my soulmates of unhappily ever after...
I am here again to check in on you all. It's such a comfort to come here and know that I am accepted. I am feeling particularly alone tonight. I had an idea to take the skids (16 & 9) and my niece (9) to a haunted house tonight. Both 9 year olds asked me ten times when we were going and we very excited to go. When we got there, we were standing in line and SS9 got scared and started crying and wanted to leave. We immediately decided to just go home b/c SS9 was upset. My neice, the same age, was disappointed that we were leaving, but was polite and did not get upset over not getting to go. In the car on the way home, BF completely acted like it was all my fault that his son got scared and treated me like total crap to the point where I could see in my nieces' face that she did not understand why he was acting that way. I was just trying to plan something fun for us all. There were children there younger than SS9 who were laughing and having fun. My own niece was laughing and having fun. I had no idea that SS9 would get scared and start crying. I certainly had no intention of upsetting him like that. If I had known he would react that way, I would have never suggested it. BF was right there with me and prior to the incident, never suggested that we not go, however, after his son was scared, said that he knew this would happen and didn't want to go in the first place. This happens all the time when the skids are here. I am always the bad guy. I am always in the wrong. Once again, I am the big bad gf who doesn't belong and will never fit in. I just get so tired sometimes. I wonder if it will be like this forever, and in the back of my mind, I know it always will. So goes the life of the forever hated step-mother. Thank you so much Hollywood.
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Comments
That's BS
Fed Up, I know you love your man, but he's letting you down when it counts.
Even my DH, when he hears stuff like this, says "That's f-ed up."
What I really don't understand about the blended families is why the adults don't work together. You're the adults! You're supposed to be omnipotent! Or at least, give the appearance of it. Respect for parents (blood or not) leads to respect for adults and figures of authority. If kids can get away with disrespecting someone who should be a primary authority figure, they're going to blow off other adults to their own detriment. As far as I am concerned, the number one most important relationship aspect between the adults is respect. You have to respect each other. That means backing each other up with the skids in public and discussing issues in private. IMO, you're not getting the respect you deserve.
You're the only one who can decide if this is a deal-breaker. It would be for me, certainly. I wouldn't put up with that nonsense. I know that's easy for me to say, since I haven't had to face this particular problem. I have made some difficult life-changing decisions though, some that have ended relationships, and some that have saved them.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Well if your DH knew his son
Well if your DH knew his son would get upset & never said anything until it happened, then it sounds to me like its HIS fault! Its his son, he knows him better than you, if he knew he'd get scared he should've said so from the beginning. So IMO he's to blame, NOT YOU. Don't take other people treating you like crap. If you feel like you don't "fit in" there, then maybe thats your heart telling you to get out.
Next time
I hope whoever does want to go in does, and the others can wait outside! I had a similar experience at a theme park, with 'scary' rides, etc. but I insisted on riding even by myself, mainly because we had paid so much to get in! and I am kind of cheap that way, ha ha.
Skids seem to know how to put the brakes on any fun, I guess they feel their other parent wants everyone to be unhappy. It is too bad DH fell for it, and he is wrong to not support you in this, but I guess he doesn't know what to do. It is hard to believe, until you experience it, the insidiousness of the things that happen, when you 'dare' to get a divorce!
Hopefully over time he can see this, and decide he will not be held hostage to this any more, but he will probably need you to help him see it! Maybe start presenting this outlook to him, for the next time this happens, because you are right, it probably will.!
I am sorry honey and you are right, we understand, completely. I am glad we have each other to comfort in times like these! Hang in there!!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin