Call me crazy. Last night I was sitting in our living room knitting when all of a sudden a mess of emotions rolled over me and I realized that I missed SD. I actually started tearing up! So I called BM, left a message telling her to get SD to call me, I just wanted to talk. So SD called me back 5 minutes later and I said, 'don't make fun of me...I called because I miss you! lol' SD's reaction was a sigh and an 'I miss you too Kyra, dont worry, I'll see you Friday' in a reassuring tone. haha she's so cute.
SD's behavior has been a lot better here in the past couple of weeks. Apparently she is still throwing tantrums at BMs house which I don't understand because she has NEVER done that here.
A couple weeks ago, SD took us through 'a day in the life of SD' and I thought to myself, 'No WONDER she's crazy about getting attention!' She literally has to do everything by herself. BM works from home and even thought she is there, she's not really THERE ya know? SD said that her mommy doesnt even look at her anymore. How heart wrenching is that?
At this point I realize that the least I can do is give her a piece of sanction here. Stability, family, attention, and love that she, and any child, needs. Sure it's pure mayhem here with an almost 2 year old and an almost 2 month old, but she fits here like a piece of our puzzle and I know she knows it and feels it.
Now, more than ever, she feels like my family. Not nescessarily my daughter, but a close member of my family that I care for and love. Sure she has her moments, but so does my daughter and I never love her any less.

The truth of the matter is, I worry. I worry about SD when she is out of this house the whole week. I want her to thrive. I dont want her to feel self-conscious because she can no longer fit into a size 7/8 and she feels the need to spend a half hour on an elliptical machine. I want her to feel good about herself and about life. I dont want her to fear making new friends because she feels that everyone hates her. I want all these changes but how are they possible and learned permanently in 9-10 days a month?!