Oh, yes. We had this too when youngest bs was born. First it was when I was pregnant and then it was when he came..."I would hate for her to get the baby sick...". One time we were told that SD had pink eye. Well, DH got SD's complete medical file and she had a stye...not pink eye.
I had to eventually look at it differently. If one of my other Bio kids was sick I wouldn't ship them off for fear of getting another one sick...we would just have to deal with it. So from them on out I looked at SD the same way. She was a part of our family sick or not so we take her anyway. And usually she isn't as "sick" as her mom says anyway!!
I wouldn't let her demand that your SS not be there. He needs to be able to be a part of it or he will feel left out and his mom will more than likely feed off of that and tell him things like, "see, they are having their own little family now" or something like that and you don't want that either. Talk to him. Does he want to be there? If he doesn't want to be there for the labor then have your DH go get him and take him up to see his new sibling. If you go into labor when you have him, I personally would just take him with you. I wouldn't call her. Do you want to see her on your special day? I wouldn't. If your DH caves now he will be setting himself up for her getting in the way of a wonderful bonding time for your entire family.

Just my opinion!!

I agree.....if its Dh's weekend, Dh has the say in what SS does. BM has no say in this whatsoever...none. You do whatever is going to work for you and DH if you go into labor on visitation weekend. You do not need her permission, plain & simple.

Regardless, this is a sibling to SS. I personally would want my SS to meet their new brother or sister as soon as possible. Let him be involved in all the excitement...the quicker they bond, the better for you as your own family unit. I know how my kids were with meeting the "new" baby in any of the extended family....they were so excited and couldn't get over how tiny their fingers, toes, etc were....and they begged to hold the baby!

Good luck and hang tough.

Oh no way, your baby is going to be SS sibling, he has every right to be there if he wants. And if its your first baby, then yes you will probably have a few hours of labor at home before your contractions start getting painful & regular, so you would have time to contact her, but I dont think you'll be in the mood to drive him home before going to the hospital. You can try contacting her once your labor starts if SS doesnt want to be there at all, but I would say that if its at night (it usually is) you'll probably just have to take him with you if he's there. Just agree to call her & if you change your mind or SS wants to go, then too bad for her. Its your husband's child just as much hers, if its his visiting time then he goes with you guys. Thats how I see it. She can't dictate what SS does during your guys' visiting time. Your husband needs to put his foot down with her or she'll never stop trying to control everything.

IF - and that is a big IF you go in to labor while SS is with you guys (very very slim chance don't you think?) that you and your husband bring him to the hospital with you. You don't have to sit around and wait for BM - she is a nut if she thinks you are going to sit there in LABOR for gods sake while she takes her sweet time to come over. Or what you are supposed to sit there and LABOR and try to breathe and all that and drive SS home? Give me a break. I think BM or another family member can pick SS up from the hospital and take him home. If BM doesn't like it too bad but if she wants him home so bad she can come get SS herself. I know you all want SS included but during your labor and delivery I would think that your husband would be in with you and shouldn't have to worry about SS sitting in a waiting room or rushing around trying to get SS back to BM - that is ridiculous. I think it would be hard for a 10 year old boy to sit in a hospital for that long. After the baby is born perhaps your husband or another friend/family member can pick up SS so he can come to the hospital and see the baby. I'm sure you guys will figure this out but as the others said above - DO NOT LET BM DICTATE what you are guys are going to do.

the best layed plans can change. We had wondered the same things you are when I was pregnant. Our plan was that BM would bring the boys to the hospital after the baby was born. My skids are 8 & almost 11 and would be bored to tears hanging at the hospital.

I had my son 3 1/2 weeks early & was told at my last visit to go home & get my bag & my husband & be back by 6pm for induction. 24 hours later I had an emergency c section. DH arranged with BM that the kids were actually there to see their brother about the same time I got upstairs from recovery to see them. My parents arrived about the same time too & they ended up bringing the boys back to their mothers.

I have to say that even if the boys were mine that is how I would want it. I would have no desire to have them hanging at the hospital with DH & Us. We ( DH & I) felt that this was our special time & was for us alone not our parents or kids.

Now my skids are exceptionally good & we had the opportunity to see what they would be like if we had gone into labor on our weekend. I fell on a rusty pitch fork when I was 6 months pregnant & it punctured my leg on either side of the bone & had to go to the ER with DH & the kids. Very scary...SS8 prayed all the way there. Their mom had to come & get them at the hospital because we were at the ER waiting to be seen. I am also lucky that my BM is not crazy & irresponsible, just a pain in the butt. My skids were awesome as we waited in the ER & for their mom to show up.

IF the baby had come on our weekend, we would have either had mine or DH's parents hang out at home with them till the baby was born or have them go to their mom's with the understanding that she brought them after the baby was born. I know you are dealing with a wack job so she probably isn't gonna make it easy. SS is DH's son & he should be able to make whatever decisions necessary on his time.

I agree the BM has NO say in what SS does when he is with you guys. Although, a 10 yr old boy probably doesn't want to hang around the hospital while you are in labor, which could take a while I'm the type of person though, where I would do it and take him with just to show the BM that she doesn't get to dictate what goes on when SS is in your custody.

Just an example- A couple of weeks ago BM called BF and told him that his dad (the skids grandpa) was not to drive them to and from school during the week they are with BF and that they would be taking the bus. Her reason was because grandpa has had several surgeries on his eyes due to diabetes and that the kids are unsafe riding with him because of his vision. He has a valid driver's license and his doctor has cleared him to drive. I trust him to drive my son to and from school (the in-laws live down the road and he likes driving the kids to and from school). I KNOW it was just a control tactic on her part. So, BF called the school and the teachers to give the skids a message that grandpa would be picking them up that day and NOT to take the bus BM of course went upside down when she found out but BF told her that she had NO say when the kids were in his care and to take it to the judge if she had such a problem with it. She didn't like it but I was proud of BF for standing up to her and not letting her control That is what needs to be done with these control freak BM's.

Anyways, back to the labor thing...I would take SS with you guys to the hosp. if he happens to be in your care at the time. Is SS excited about having a new little sibling? I would want him to see the baby right away to be able to bond. I think that is important, plus it shows the BM that she doesn't call all the shots.

IF SS is with ya'll when you go into labor then it is ya'lls time with him and he has every right to be at the hospital for all of it if he wants. I swear our BM's must know one another! Ours would say something like yours did about forgoing your visits till you had the baby! If you get SS on Friday and one hour after he gets there you go into labor then that would be great that is your time with him and he would get to be there for it all! We are trying to get pregnant and I want my SS there for it all. Most importantly though why should ya'll have to call her to tell her you are going into labor unless ss is with her and he wanted you to call him. It is not her moment nor her business! so like I said Forget you BM!