New and Upset. Might be Long!
I am glad that I have found this place. Mostly because those of you whom are members here will have walked in my shoes. Perhaps,I've walked your path a time or two also. Those here will know *exactly* what it is like to be in the position I am in. The position of being married to someone who has children from a previous relationship.
I tend to have mixed feelings almost everyday. I'm the Queen of rumination. I know what I must do in order to keep ME healthy. On an emotional and mental level that is. I have a hard time doing that. I have so much rage and irritation sometimes. I have a difficult time with focusing in on all the junk that bothers me. I think mostly because I would love to give people a piece of my mind. To put them in their place. But,I don't just to not make waves. Things just bug me. The things I know that I cannot change. The things people have said or done. Almost all of it centers around how badly DH is treated. Or how shitty he/I/we are being treated.
I want to have children of my own someday. Though,I won't do such until I have managed to go back to school. I want a degree first. I want to experience motherhood for myself. Instead of just feeling like the childless tag along. I want my own child. I'll admit that I sometimes struggle with the fact that my husband has already done that(had children). Though he says for him it will be totally different for him with me. He says he'll be ready to have a child when it is our time to have one. Instead of a stay together just because of a child situation. I guess it was an issue to his ex that he never get married or "have any more children". Like she had a say so in that. Whatever.
I suppose I'm just sort of blue for a few things tonight. I don't feel comfortable enough to mention them just yet.
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Comments
welcome! I can understand
welcome! I can understand your frustration, I too would like to have a baby, however between the money issues with CS and the always up in the air situation with our SD, it's not going to happen any time soon, and that's hard for me sometimes. Still, I love my SD, and I love my F, the hardest thing is BM, and her uncanny ability to drag both of these loved ones down.
But I digress, I'm glad you found the site, it's a wonderful resource full of experience and strength!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Welcome
I feel just like you describe. In any given hour I can go from a positive attitude of "this is going to work out just fine" to "dear Lord, what have I done to my life!". It is so hard. I too feel that I know what I need to keep myself healthy. I am just not sure that I am doing it all of the time.
My best advice is too "try" to distance yourself from the day-to-day dealing with HER. I too have a hard time not getting pissed off everytime I see her name on the caller ID or even her name for that matter. I just dont want to be so angry and hateful all of the time. So I try very hard to just let it go. (Not to say it works everytime!!!)
I feel for you on the baby issue. My DH had a vasectomy. He is 13yrs older than me. I am still young (26) and would love to have another child. I do have two from a previous marriage though. It is hard. He thinks he is too old. Not too mention the cost of a vasectomy reversal and child rearing! It is more of an emotional thing, it is just something I wish I could share with him. Anyways, I guess I am saying, I understand. I recognize how difficult it is.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
I know how you feel. I hate
I know how you feel.
I hate seeing my man get dumped on when I see him trying so hard.
For example, he was laid off and was unable to pay CS for about 4 months while he was job searching. At a baseball game BM brought it up in front of everyone that she did not receive CS. Pissed me off b/c it was not the time or place. He only did not pay when he had no job and when he went back to work he had to pay more to "catch it back up" so what is she really complaining about? Ultimately she still got the $$ and had they still been hub and wife she'd have had the same financial impact from his being let go.