Judges - do they really care?
Our lawyer called today and she has received the counter suit/complaint from BM's lawyer about us asking for 50/50 time. I am anxious to see what she has in her complaint. The lawyer said of course we will not like what she has to say but she is getting them into the mail to us so we will be getting them before weeks end.
Now we keep daily record and know that she does not. In the end this will all be decided by a judge. so my question is does the Judge really care? BM lives in a small town in a small county in TN. I am so fearful that we will get before a judge who does not care to hear any of it and is of the opinion that the mom is always the best parent. H and I have had several people tell us that they would write letters for us about H and I and our character and our relationship with ss. Would those do any good? I know we have strong arguments of the mom not giving his medicene every day, physically fighting with her BF, cursing and degrating father to their son and we have document to back it up but will they care? I am feeling sort of discouraged about this. She has filed counter suit that H has not paid any of the $5,500 alimony which he has not cause he cannot afford to pay that based on what he makes and what he gives her for child support. If it were not for me I do not know how he would live.
I need some encouragement and prayers. SS is living in a bad situation where is mom is always angry and acting nuts and he loves her and he loves his dad but time with dad is limited to scheduled time and when BM has something to do.
I just do not think it fair that either parent have say over when the other can see them. I think it should be equal. I have been so stressed over this that I do not know what I think. All I know is we were 28 days shy last year of the 1/2 the year and we paid out over $7,000 in child support and H is manual laborer and barely made $20,000.
Please pray for us!
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I don't know the answers to
I don't know the answers to your questions, but I'm anxious to see what others think. It sounds like a terrible situation, I don't know how she could have been awarded that much alimony and CS when your H makes so little. I've been following your posts and feel so sorry for the little guy. best wishes to you and your family!
judges
in my experience, they care about the best interests of teh child, regardless of what either parent is going thru. for example, my FH was being harrassed by BM and we were accused of abuse and no one cared. that being said, the judge did make it very clear that SD was to have contact and visitation w FH and that BM could not interfere; so in that respect, i think you will be okay. judges most always think its best that the kid spend significant time w both parents when applicable. but they also like to keep the status quo and are hesitant to change custody unless there has been a significant change to warrant such. character witnesses most likely would not help nor be allowed even. i will keep you and ur family in my thoughts and wish u the best of luck. **HUGS**
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Hmm...
I don't know that they actually 'care'. I think they are more observers who are supposed to be objective and apply the law as best they possibly can.
I say this to you because I've been through the ringer with a BM who is barely even a mediocre parent. (Example: She took the girls out of school on a Friday, drove 45 minutes to pick up her boyfriend from prison where he had just been released. They met and fell in love as pen pals while he finished out his prison sentence then she thought it was a grand idea to move him win with her and the girls upon his release) When we took BM to court to remove the girls from the home, the judge said no because the drug addicted /thief/aggravated assault convicted felon had never comitted a crime against a child...
I think that the court systems are very pro BM. I think that if you overwhelm the judge with paperwork, you may come across as petty. I would find key points, definitely, and provide the documentation to comfirm it.
I would definitely focus on why DH is perfectly capable of having his children 50% of the time and show that you are willing to work with BM rather than focus on her shortcomings as a mother. Unfortunately, the bar is set pretty low for BMs, so she has to be pretty negligent in order for the other parent to be successful in proving her unfit.
I think my opinion would be different if you were actually trying to acquire full custody.
We obtained 50/50 custody and refused to engage in the shit fight that BM was starting. She filed a petition full of lies and accusations and we filed a response simply denying certain accusations,all together ignoring irrellevant ones, and stating facts as to why it was in the best interest of the children to share a 50/50 schedule. We actually won. (Mostly because BM gave in after she realized that we would fight the good fight) Have you considered a parenting evaluation?
If he is behind in his alimony because the amount is too much, I would request a modification. And for the time being I would pay what you think would be a fair amount and state that it's the amount that is affordable... it shows that he is putting forth an effort. DH did this and the difference was later forgiven because the amount was retroactive to when he filed for a reduction.
I know just what you're going thru and I know it sucks.... I'm sending bug hugs your way.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley