schedule change, CS change? Help, Need advice....
I need some helf from my fellow sm's. We used to have EOW and every Sunday and now because BM and her family are struggling financially (welcome to our world) she wants to change the schedule to almost 50/50 and still receive the CS she currently receives. Mind you she has not been working since she had a baby with new husb. I am so upset that DH thinks that all this is ok. We struggle financially, we are scrimping every penny so that we may be able to buy a home of our own or even dream to have a child. Now we are going to help support her while she goes to school and hopefully goes back to work. Am I just wrong in the way I see all this? Hello, if you are struggling, here is a novel idea, get a job! There is so much to this story as I'm sure you all can relate. I just want to understand if I am wrong for feeling that DH is expecting me to accept what is not acceptable. He seems oblivious to why it is that I feel upset and taken advantage of.
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I would express to him the
I would express to him the desire to be able to add to your family in the future, and that while you would be willing to help take on a 50/50 support agreement, the CS will HAVE to change. That your situation (meaning yours and his) can not support the new agreement without a change in CS. Point out what CS is supposed to provide, and that w/50/50 that level of support is not needed.
Not only that, but I am assuming that you work.. I would stress that you might development a resentment toward the bm and quite possibly the ss if you are paying to support HER family because of the child support agreement.
I have told my dh many times that he can not retire from the military until his kids CS stops. (he wants to have fanciful jobs.. he wants to do things that wont pay much..) I explained to him that if I ended up supporting him, because he was supporting HER family (as she also does not work .. last I heard she VOLUNTEERS.. yet complains about money) that I would be VERY resentful.
I have your same feelings on these topics. Dh's ex married another man, had his baby and used that as an excuse to not work. Then spends hours complaining to US about THEIR financial situation. Once when she was going off in a tirade about me and my spending. I told her if you want the things I have, then get a JOB like the REST of us, until then, I didnt want to hear it. The "baby" is now 4. She cant get a real job, but she can volunteer her time.
Sorry.. I ranted a bit, but wanted you to know that you are not alone. I would tell him why you feel the way you feel. It made my dh agree to not retire until the skids CS is done being paid.
CS NEEDS TO CHANGE!!
CS is there to provide a home and neccessities to the child. If you are splitting visitation 50/50, then all needs to be taken into account. And, things will get worse before they get better!! If you do a 50/50 split...who pays for out of the oridnary expenses (i.e. school supplies, DR visits, etc) DH or BM? Just a thought, I know that it is not about the $$, it's about what is best for child...but if BM can't afford child, she needs to let you have her full time. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
I would not consent
to it without it going before a judge or mediator. Get it in writing. Even then I would negotiate the situation and state that if you do 50/50 you should not be held to the same amount of CS. She has a husband, she and he decided to add another mouth to the mix. You and DH have not done so because you are operating fully within your financial abilities. Gather your facts and document them well to present as evidence to support what you guys are claiming. You don't want to agree to something now that can possibly count against you later meaning you don't ever want to be in the position where you agreed to help out and then get to a point where you can't continue with that help and a judge looks at it as you have done so all along and hold you to it. Just a thought.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
No way
It seems to me that there would be an added financial burden taking care of a child half of the time. If you are already struggling financially, it makes no sense to not adjust the CS. It makes no sense at all to leave it the way it is. Calculate how much you spend per day on your weekends and then multiply it to fit the new schedule. Show your husband exactly how much it will cost you beyond your current budget. Include increased grocery expenses, gas for transportation to activities or school, any daycare, clothes and everything else you need. I recommend this because sometimes I need to put hard facts and figures in front of Hubby before he can grasp some things, especially finances. You are right, BM's expectation is completely out of line. Outline your reasons and you feelings and stand firm! Good luck to you!
I agree
I would not in any way agree without a change in CS. You will be so much more financially burdened then you can even imagine right now. We just had SD for two months straight and never thought that it would be a lot but it was. there was an extra mouth to feed, buy clothes for and then if we wanted to go do anything it was extra then too. It adds up so quick!
Love with your heart but never forget to think with your head first!!