Anyone have experience with temporary custody orders?

BF plans to motion for a temporary change of custody at the next court hearing if BM doesn't have a job in 30 days. Has anyone ever done something like this? How did it go? The attorney still hasn't drawn up the paperwork to my knowledge, which means it's probably not going to happen...but I still would like to know what we're in store for when it finally does because I don't see BM getting a job any time soon.

If anyone is uneducated on our situation, BM got fired from her job in October due to her own lies and negligence of her work, but blames the loss of her job on her and SS's medical issues. She still does not have a job, 9 months later. She has liens on her home, her bank accounts, her parents' bank accounts, and is in collections over several debts that she is not paying. Her home phone and cell phones have been shut off due to not paying. She is suing BF for more child support in hopes that the extra money will offset the loss of income from not having a job anymore.

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Ew.

If she were not already trying to get more CS, I would say your BF's claim would get a pretty fair shake. There has been a significant change in circumstances with her being unemployed and financially irresponsible. If he could demonstrate that has had a significant adverse impact on SS, then I think it would probably be given strong consideration. The worry I have is that often NCP's counter-sue for custody when a CP sues for more CS in an effort not to have to pay that extra CS. In other words, it could look like he's chosen to try for custody over paying more CS. Knowing you and the craziness you all were experiencing when you first came here, I know without a doubt that with you, BF and new baby is the best place for SS and the more time with dad, the better. I just hope her going for CS first doesn't skew the judge's perception as far as why you're really there. I think if BF goes through with it, he's got to go in loaded for bear, and that means proving SS is living in an unacceptable environment. You and I know he is, but you've got to somehow show that to a judge. I can't remember if you guys had gone the CPS route on the crap he's forced to life in or not. If you haven't, I'd consider it. If you have and they did nothing, I wonder if you could hire a PI to get you the evidence you'd need in court. Have you already gotten all of SS's medical records? Sometimes the doctors write very interesting comments in the child's records. That's how we found out about my skids' BM having adult onset ADHD. I can't remember how old your SS is, either, but if he has school or daycare records you could get, they might have a little ammo, too.

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

RE:

I understand what you mean with her going for CS first. I can just hope that they see that BF's only doing this out of SS's best interest and not to avoid paying more CS. He would be paying a heck of a lot more money to raise SS full time than he would after the CS got raised, if it did.

There was a CPS investigation. BM reported us to CPS and they investigated both households (only months after ignoring BF's reports to CPS that they needed to investigate BM's home). In our state it is the law that both homes must be investigated. However, BM dodged the investigator for over 3 months, and they never got into her house.

If we had the opportunity, it would be very easy to prove that the home is unfit for a child. But I don't know how we could go about getting the home investigated. Would hiring a PI be considered harrassment? What kinds of things could they find out? Could they get details on the inside of her home? Would they let people testify in court on this type of thing? Because if we could get BM's parents to testify, they'd say that she isn't capable of taking care of SS and could give a firsthand account of what the house looks like.

I will encourage BF to get the medical records from SS's doctors. We tried a couple of years ago when they first got divorced, but BM threw such a fit when she found out that he was trying to get the records that he gave up.

I don't know if they'd accept testimony from me or BF on this, or if it would even help, but we also have been told by her that she has allowed him to stay out of school an average of one day every week for the past several months because he "just didn't want to go."

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

PI inside the house

You mentioned before that BF got a glimpse inside when SS opened the door. A glimpse is all you really need, if you have a high powered enough camera with a really good zoom. A PI wouldn't have to actually enter her home or set foot on her property. That can get expensive, though. You could always subpoena BM's parents as hostile witnesses and ask them questions under oath. You can either do this in court or via deposition. Would they lie under oath for her or would they tell the truth? Did SS say anything to the CPS worker about his living conditions at BM's? I'd be calling those people every five minutes until they got inside her house and, if they still can't get in, at least have them interview SS and ask him questions about it. BM doesn't even need to know about the medical records. All he has to do is request them and if they give him any crap, let them know that unless they can produce a court order preventing his access, they cannot legally withhold that information from him. Even if she has sole legal custody, unless there is a court order specifically preventing him from having those records, he is as entitled to them as she. (That's the law in my state, but I doubt other states are much different on this.) I so know what you mean about paying more to have them full time than to pay CS for them. But if he does go for custody and win, make sure he gets an order for CS, too. Even if it's only a penny, get it now. It's much easier to modify later than to establish an order later, after he's been paying solo for awhile. Just get creative and think of every nook and cranny you can probe for info. One doctor's records might reveal the name of two more doctors she's taken him to. Compare his school records to his medical records... do the doctor's visits align with the absenses from school? His records might even give you a clue of where to look for info about HER. Your atty can subpoena her medical records, including mental health records, her employment records, her financial info, etc. If you decide to go for it, you have to make it count, because you'll probably only get one good shot at it, unless she does something major later on.

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

RE:

They have joint legal custody, and he has every right to have those records. She knows this. What happened was she took SS to an appointment with his psychologist and either she asked about it, or they mentioned to her that BF had called to get the records. BM went ballistic and said that she didn't want BF to get access to those records because she didn't want ME to see them. At that point he was in his "roll over and deal with it" stage, so he did exactly that.

The CPS investigation has been closed for a long time. In my state they only have 60 days to close a case. The CPS worker actually had to file for a 30 day extension because she hadn't gotten inside BM's house to investigate it yet. She tried for the final 30 days, and BM still wouldn't let her in. At that point the CPS worker escalated it to her supervisor, who closed the case. The worker told us that if we wanted to get someone inside that house, the only way was to try to open a new investigation...but they wouldn't listen last time BF tried to open one... However, now that he's caught a glimpse inside, they might listen. The first time, they said that since we had no firsthand knowledge (besides of course what SS told us) of the state of the inside of the house, that they wouldn't investigate it because it was obviously just a jealous ex husband in the middle of a custody battle.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Generally-

Generally- employment/finances are not a factor in custody matters...it can actually work in the opposite manner....mom has all this time FOR the children because she is not encumbered by a job. I have been pro se for my own court stuff for 5 years, and help others with theirs- I would not go into court on this and if one of my clients said this is what they were going to court over I would say..."What else do you have?"

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."

So

So the fact that they are living in filth, that SS is constantly sick because of the home that he lives in, that they now have no phones at their home because BM can't afford to pay the bills without working, that BM is voluntarily underemployed to try to get more money from BF...none of this matters?

If she was underemployed for SS's benefit, then she would be cooking for him at home. But SS can't even eat in his own home because not only do they not have any food, but there are dishes in the sink that have been there for months. He is afraid to get one out because the water is so old and moldy and the dishes are growing things. So he eats next door at his grandparents' house every day.

And if she had all this time for SS, then maybe she could use it to clean out his room so that he could go in it and sleep in his own bed. But it is so piled up with trash and junk that SS can't sleep in his own bed; so he, at ten years old, living in a three bedroom home, sleeps in bed with his mother every night.

At the very least, she could make sure that he has proper hygeine. It doesn't even take a stay at home mom to do that. But SS often goes days at a time without taking a bath or brushing his teeth while he's living with his mother.

We are not requesting custody in retaliation of her asking for more money. We are requesting custody because our lawyer has told us that now we have the best shot at getting it. We have been told in the past that even with BM's behavior, PAS, assault, Munchausen's, stalking, kidnapping and neglect, that we could not get custody because BF and I are not married and "no judge would take a child from his mother, no matter how unfit, and place him in a home with unmarried parents." But they think that now, we might have a chance. What I'm trying to figure out is how to get the evidence that we need to show the court the state of BM's home, the doctor records, the school records, and whatever other information we can or should get.

I'm not trying to be coarse...but I think that the reason why you've gotten such a negative response by the people on this website is because you try to give advice without really knowing any of the back story. I really appreciate your trying to help, and you seem polite and knowledgeable. But it's obvious that you don't know anything about my family's situation or what SS lives in and with every day. If you did, I'm sure you wouldn't be asking me "What else do you have?"

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I was simply responding to

I was simply responding to the post at hand asking if her unemployment was important, and I did say generally, and if that was the only issue. I said I would ask MY client that, if that's what they came to me with.

The unemployment in and of itself is not enough, especially in this economy.

Actually

My original question was what we were in store for when filing for a temporary change in custody. I didn't ask if her unemployment was important.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

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What I'm trying to figure out is how to get the evidence that we need to show the court the state of BM's home, the doctor records, the school records, and whatever other information we can or should get.
________________________________________________________

Dad has a legal right to copies of the doctor and school records, even if BM is against him having them.

Inside the home is trickier. Like Anne said, BM's parents...but they may lie....probably the most effective would be a GAL, the kid can tell the GAL anything AND the GAL CAN do home visits :)......

You can call CPS and have

You can call CPS and have them do an in home inspection for child neglect due to the filth

Try the city

Try the city inspector-(health dept.environmental hazzards- most cities have some form) if you have one. report SSs claims of filth and even the mold might be bad enough of a risk that they may want to see the place them selves- and they would be able to testify.
Why didn't CPS make a stink fit when BM evaded them, can't they do something legally about a non cooperative parent? If not then how do they command so much authority- it seems like another case of only the good get screwed here.
I am so rooting for you-

There is no reason where logic does not exist

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Anyone have experience with temporary custody orders?

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