First I would like to say how much all of your postings have given me much more insight into the world of the stepparent, and I thank you all. If I knew then what I know now how different my reactions would have been. But then that's life and experience isn't it?

My background: Married 9 years to DH with 2 SD's. No biological or adopted children of my own. BM/smart psycho, SD's following BM's chosen path of passive aggressive behavior. SD's are now adults each with a child,both SD's living off of welfare, using the system until they "find" themselves. One has a college degree, the other can't live unless she's partying. They are both booksmart, but have no frontal lobe sense. Both have self esteem/drama queen issues (like BM).

DH is calm,smart,funny,the love of my life. A bit too passive sometimes, but usually the voice of reason. I am reactive and realistic, working on becoming more reserved with my comments to DH. He parented out of guilt early on until we discussed what was really happening. That if children act out, they will come back...that throwing money at a situation only encourages bad behavior(BM's technique, I give you things, love me!). That love isn't about money, it's about respect and a deeper feeling of connection. My feelings for the SD's? Tentative...I have to watch every word I say. I have been backstabbed repeatly...I know that what I say goes directly back to the BM or filed for later use at an appropriate time. Do I really care...no, but you have to chose your battles. I have never bad mouthed their BM in front of them, neither has their Father(We aren't saints,I have bitten my tongue so hard it bleeds).

So why am I here? I need a place to vent, other than my DH. The SD (25) that is the party queen has decided she no longer wants her 6 year old son. There are multiple problems...she is trying to force her BM to take him...it is quite complicated...child has symptoms of high functioning autism, however DH & I think it is more of a case of horrible parenting skills, too many boyfriends,lack of attention, and on and on. We had wanted her to give the child up for adoption, she kept him. The story is much too long to go on here...perhaps another post. SD lies, she fabricates, she is a selfish beast.SD is happy only if things are going her way. If BM takes him he will still be exposed to SD, going in and out of his life and will be raised as a trophy(aren't we wonderful, it's always about me!). DH and I want to take him, but do not want him exposed to either SD or BM and we know that won't happen. Even at 6 he is turning into a manipulative, coniving copy of his BM. It is difficult...